[leomama]

My father modeled a narcissistic outlook on life that gets me in trouble, especially since I'm a Christian.

Somebody just told me if I'm going to start a sentence with I don't say it.

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten in trouble for that behavior since I've been a Christian. It's the most painful thing.

On Friday my dad told me my mom critiques him for not having empathy.

Three years ago when my daughter broke her leg my brother told me not to invite my mother to the hospital as she had no empathy.

I think my mother is the malignant narcissist, my father just has traits.

I like my father's take on empathy: he can't express it if he hasn't experienced it. I agree.

I've also gotten in trouble for refusing to show empathy to people who I feel are being emotionally manipulative in order to receive empathy.

What a ball of confusion.

[mindwrench]

Sometimes people think I don't care or empathize because their distress does not cause me distress, like if they are crying their eyes out I should cry too otherwise I don't care or understand.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by mindwrench

Sometimes people think I don't care or empathize because their distress does not cause me distress, like if they are crying their eyes out I should cry too otherwise I don't care or understand.

I get even worse, sometimes I want to mock them. Because my narcissism has been treated I don't but believe me I want to. Thanks for responding. I hate having to struggle with these impulses .

[Fuzzybear]

Both my parents and step ***** were malignant narcissists..
(Certainly in how they treated me )

Most who know me, know I'm not narcissistic..

However, a therapist who lacked empathy for me (and said so ) may have been attempting to "treat" me for not having empathy for my abusive parents

....

I relate to having a narcissistic father...

[Atypical_Disaster]

When would you want to mock such a person theoretically speaking?

I mimic empathy, but that only goes so far and every once and awhile a perceptive person will catch on to what I'm doing which is faking it.

Would you feel guilty if you acted on such impulses now?

[leomama]

I know I tend towards narcissism because of my intelligence and have worked really hard to be open to new perspectives. Nevertheless what I am talking about is how my father's modeling damaged me . Now when I try to get along in Christian society, support communities for the mentally ill , or recovery communities for substance abusers, it's implied I'm narcissistic . It's so complicated. In some places I'm a trusted servant, in others I'm finally beginning to speak after years, and on top of all that I've been given new responsibilities to help people with personality disorders, their families and people recovering from narcissistic abuse. It's a lot .

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

When would you want to mock such a person theoretically speaking?

I mimic empathy, but that only goes so far and every once and awhile a perceptive person will catch on to what I'm doing which is faking it.

Would you feel guilty if you acted on such impulses now?

I would not feel at all guilty, I'd get immense pleasure from it, however I do not want to pay the price nor feel the rage that would ensue from being judged and mocked myself after committing such an act which others would see as weakness. I keep all that tightly wrapped.

I don't bother with mimicking empathy, I agree with my father that if you can't identify don't empathize.

I appreciate this frank discussion. I'm tired of having to hide my teeth. It's exhausting .

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

I know I tend towards narcissism because of my intelligence and have worked really hard to be open to new perspectives. Nevertheless what I am talking about is how my father's modeling damaged me . Now when I try to get along in Christian society, support communities for the mentally ill , or recovery communities for substance abusers, it's implied I'm narcissistic . It's so complicated. In some places I'm a trusted servant, in others I'm finally beginning to speak after years, and on top of all that I've been given new responsibilities to help people with personality disorders, their families and people recovering from narcissistic abuse. It's a lot .

Why is being called narcissistic so horrible for you? I can see the experience really causes you intense distress.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Why is being called narcissistic so horrible for you? I can see the experience really causes you intense distress.

Because it makes me angry that I'm told things like don't start a sentence with I. This person has been telling me this for years and it makes me furious. He's the same age as my mother and it makes me angry. I try to tell him he's wrong and he doesn't listen. I hate that I can't be myself in front of certain people without paying for it, in fact I resent it deeply.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

I would not feel at all guilty, I'd get immense pleasure from it, however I do not want to pay the price nor feel the rage that would ensue from being judged and mocked myself after committing such an act which others would see as weakness. I keep all that tightly wrapped.

I don't bother with mimicking empathy, I agree with my father that if you can't identify don't empathize.

I appreciate this frank discussion. I'm tired of having to hide my teeth. It's exhausting .

That was refreshingly honest.

I think the not bothering to pretend you're empathetic when you're just not feeling it is part of why you run into problems with people. Why? In my opinion a lot more people fake empathy than anyone wants to admit.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

Because it makes me angry that I'm told things like don't start a sentence with I. This person has been telling me this for years and it makes me furious. He's the same age as my mother and it makes me angry. I try to tell him he's wrong and he doesn't listen. I hate that I can't be myself in front of certain people without paying for it, in fact I resent it deeply.

I turned out identifying with this pretty strongly.

If I take off my mask in most areas of my life I would pay a serious price for it. I resent it.

People say be yourself and then they judge you. Pfft.

[leomama]

Exactly . If I openly showed my scorn for others there would be a serious price to pay and I'm not interested so I keep it to myself .

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

That was refreshingly honest.

I think the not bothering to pretend you're empathetic when you're just not feeling it is part of why you run into problems with people. Why? In my opinion a lot more people fake empathy than anyone wants to admit.

Today I got told don't start a sentence with I. 'cuse me? This person has been telling me this for years. I looked around the room after he says this and point out another person who is a leader of that community who just did the same thing and then I get told, well, it's something we strive for. Why do I have to be the perfect one? I'm a peasant in that community, yet I have to be the standard bearer? Geez, that's not fair.

*grumble*

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

Exactly . If I openly showed my scorn for others there would be a serious price to pay and I'm not interested so I keep it to myself .

I can relate in a way. I'm just straight up not nice, and of course that is frowned upon in our touchy-feely establishment.

I have to hide my contempt for others, otherwise it'd be harder to keep relations with people until I get whatever it is I want.

[leomama]

I don't want anything from people , including being made fun of , and if I show contempt, I'll be made fun of so I keep my contempt to myself. I learned the hard way on that one.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

Today I got told don't start a sentence with I. 'cuse me? This person has been telling me this for years. I looked around the room after he says this and point out another person who is a leader of that community who just did the same thing and then I get told, well, it's something we strive for. Why do I have to be the perfect one? I'm a peasant in that community, yet I have to be the standard bearer? Geez, that's not fair.

*grumble*

That's one of the stupidest pieces of advice I've ever heard.

I'm held up to a way higher standard than anyone else too in certain circles. Someone else can go around and just be an asshole but if I do it? Oh there I am being an evil monster again. Ha ha ha. The futility of it all.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

I don't want anything from people , including being made fun of , and if I show contempt, I'll be made fun of so I keep my contempt to myself. I learned the hard way on that one.

Hm, I wonder why you get made fun of for showing contempt. When I show contempt I don't typically get made fun of.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

That's one of the stupidest pieces of advice I've ever heard.


I'm held up to a way higher standard than anyone else too in certain circles. Someone else can go around and just be an asshole but if I do it? Oh there I am being an evil monster again. Ha ha ha. The futility of it all.

Yep. Exactly. So I have to keep my mouth shut because I'm at the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder. I deeply resent it. That's the burden I bear as a divorced mother. It happens to all of us in this position . I wish I felt solidarity with others in my position, but I'm the only one at the moment .

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Hm, I wonder why you get made fun of for showing contempt. When I show contempt I don't typically get made fun of.

Because as a divorced mother I am at the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder in Christian society. I'm specifically talking about that arena not society as a whole. I do not get mocked in secular circles, in fact people give me a lot of respect outside the church .

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

Yep. Exactly. So I have to keep my mouth shut because I'm at the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder. I deeply resent it. That's the burden I bear as a divorced mother. It happens to all of us in this position . I wish I felt solidarity with others in my position, but I'm the only one at the moment .

I don't understand these social constructs because they have zero power to move me. I don't care if someone's divorced, married, a single mother, beggar, prostitute, sinner, saint, criminal, homeless, rich, etc... None of it has any effect on how I see someone.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

Because as a divorced mother I am at the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder in Christian society. I'm specifically talking about that arena not society as a whole. I do not get mocked in secular circles, in fact people give me a lot of respect outside the church .

What denomination of Christianity? I want to guess Catholic...

I'm involved in Christian society, but I am not a Christian nor would I make a good one.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

I don't understand these social constructs because they have zero power to move me. I don't care if someone's divorced, married, a single mother, beggar, prostitute, sinner, saint, criminal, homeless, rich, etc... None of it has any effect on how I see someone.

Well you're you, I can't tell you how judged I'm for having PTSD. My divorce broke me and certain individuals show me zero mercy. That's what hardened me. It set my narcissism.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by leomama

Well you're you, I can't tell you how judged I'm for having PTSD. My divorce broke me and certain individuals show me zero mercy. That's what hardened me. It set my narcissism.

Well, this makes sense. If you're going to just be judged for feeling pain... There's a few directions a person could go with that. Becoming hardened is one of those directions, which is completely understandable.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

What denomination of Christianity? I want to guess Catholic...


I'm involved in Christian society, but I am not a Christian nor would I make a good one.

Close to Catholic. It's not the denomination though, a spiritual friend told me this, one I know from a recovery program for friends and family of alcoholics. She was a professors daughter who became a single mother. To be frank the people who judged me didn't respect me when I was single either. I came in the church with my ex, he was weaker then me and I carried him in there. These people didn't see that, they thought I was the weak one. It was a very dark time in my life , stemming from my mothers psychopathy .

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Well, this makes sense. If you're going to just be judged for feeling pain... There's a few directions a person could go with that. Becoming hardened is one of those directions, which is completely understandable.

Yes I harbor deep resentment now and would love to retaliate but I can't so I sit and stew while more people judge me for being resentful calling themselves morally superior cause they don't even feel resentment! Talk about narcissistic . Life's just a bowl of jelly beans. I've some very sick puppies in my life today.