[CJR520]

I don't think any of us has the perfect answer. Certain personality disorders can certainly make life miserable for the person who has the disorder, and their families. We all just have to do the best we can.

[pinwheel27]

Honestly, I do not remember meeting anyone with this kind of personality. Yes there are many different type of personalities out there. We see these personalities at work, shopping, almost anywhere. We learn how to talk, or work, to get along with others. I am not trying to 'label' my neice. What I am trying to do is to see or find forum or a site that can help me , or guide me in a direction of where I might get help for her. Of course without any fights with her. In some ways, I am afraid of her, but mostly I am afraid for her (hope that makes sence).

[CJR520]

I am also afraid for my daughter, but she is 42, and I can no longer run to her house 40 minutes away every time she gets in trouble. It only makes me miserable and things never change. She now has a bachelors degree in social work. A couple of weeks ago she told her Mennonite friend that she was not going to work because she would have to pay back her student loans. She would just take more classes to avoid paying the money. The story of her life!! At this age, she has never worked long enough at a job to get insurance because she can't get along with anyone. She is begging food off of this friend already for the summer. This week, I cut off my relationship with this Mennonite lady because my daughter is using her to tell me what is going on. I like her, but I don't need to hear any more nasties about my daughter. The last thing she did was end up with about 1,000. dollars worth of things from and elderly persons house near her. The whole Mennonite community is buzzing about it where she lives. By cutting off with this woman, I won't hear about it any more. One day my daughter will end up in jail doing this. I hate it!!!

[GrayNess]

Originally Posted by pinwheel27

Honestly, I do not remember meeting anyone with this kind of personality. Yes there are many different type of personalities out there. We see these personalities at work, shopping, almost anywhere. We learn how to talk, or work, to get along with others. I am not trying to 'label' my neice. What I am trying to do is to see or find forum or a site that can help me , or guide me in a direction of where I might get help for her. Of course without any fights with her. In some ways, I am afraid of her, but mostly I am afraid for her (hope that makes sence).

With NPD, there are numerous forms of it, not only the classical one of someone being very grandiose. I myself have both NPD and APD, however, I'm not about appearing flashy to others, getting others' approval for whatever I do. I couldn't care less about that, I'm more about gaining power, control, manipulation, etc..., or perhaps that's just the APD speaking. I'm not sure entirely.

Chances are you've met people with NPD, APD, etc... already however it's not blatantly visible all the time as though they have a nametag saying "Hello, I'm [name] with [disorder(s)]".

If you want information about NPD, you can read up on some books (I wouldn't suggest Vaknin but that's my opinion), ask here or on other forums.

[Peace777]

My father is a narcissist. We have not spoken in almost two years now! He does call and leave messages, as well as texts, but I delete them right away and have never tried to contact him except to gain access to a lock box at a bank that had my possessions in it.

I remember all too well the smiling whenever he made me furious....I could not understand why my own father would enjoy making me so angry! He also stole all of my money for college- turns out he's never paid for anything in his life. Up until I was eight years old, his mother was supporting him financially, and after that he was borrowing money or my mom was working. She died when I was thirteen, and he took everything he could right before kicking me out of the house.

I had run away several times before, but he had always used his manipulating techniques to control me, even when I was away. I decided to stick it out until college. But one month before I began school, he "kicked me out." I had never been so grateful in all of my life.

It was very sad though, and still is, to know that I am not loved by him. Why did he choose to give me up?

He tried to make ammends, but I told him I wouldn't have anything to do with him until he sought help from a professional. He refused.

[babyfairyfifi]

Does anyone else know a Narcissist who clearly lacks all empathy but hotly disputes this , and claims to have masses of empathy?

My mother has NPD and has alienated everyone around her. At one point, last summer, she had successfully cut out everyone except her dog and her hired help .

She has damaged my father ( who has never had a relationship with another woman since divorcing 35 years ago) she has just buried her second husband ( who committed suicide after a very dramatic row with her) she stopped talking to her own mother 10 years before she died and told me to stop being silly when I was upset when she died, citing her reasons : Dead is Dead. She disowned her sister and two brothers, myself and her grandchildren. Only my 30 year old half sister remains as her sole source of Narcissistic supply ( in exchange for financial support).
I have had to consciously protect myself from wanting a relationship with my mother as I know it only leads to pain and drama. Unfortunately that means sacrificing my relationship with my sister too.

I'm sad to think she will die a very lonely and sad lady.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Babyfairyfifi

I have had to consciously protect myself from wanting a relationship with my mother as I know it only leads to pain and drama.

I, unfortunately, can relate to this. A time came when it became necessary to act in defence of my family, myself, and oddly enough, in what may have been the best interests of my mother.

[CJR520]

As time goes by, I am getting used to my daughter not being around, and not seeing our grandson, who will be nine soon. Her first child was a calm little boy who would call us and cry and cry, and want to talk to Papaw when his Mom got crazy and controlling. Her second, the eight year old, has been crazy since birth, crying and running and out of control. The stepsons she has have been nothing but trouble because she was really angry and horrible with them. One of them has been in prison twice. The first child is now living and has a child with a woman older than him who had two children already. We have tried to help him out at the start, but to no use. They live in a horrible and dirty, dirty place, and just don't care. The kids jump on the furniture and it is all broken down to the place where you can't even sit on it without springs poking you. The kids tore down the curtains and they just hang lopsided. The last time we were there, there were two lab pups running around peeing and pooping on the floor, and the baby was walking through it, dropping food on the floor, and picking it up eating it. The place is too small and they just don't care. The young woman stays home with the kids, who all three have different fathers, and does nothing . I told hubby that I can not take looking at it any more, and just can't go visit. This is a result of a mother who is narcissistic and controlling. My son in law is so scared of my daughter, that he just is passive and has let her abuse his sons, and hers. I just stay away.

[Rohag]

Even getting used to the separation, that's a heartbreaking situation, CJR520. When did you realize your daughter suffered from NPD?

[CJR520]

I realized what is really going on when my daughter started college. I was really in favor of her schooling and urged her on. What a mistake! She is worse than ever, and bragging and bragging about herself like there is no one else in the world as important as her. The lies continue, but are getting bigger because of her education. Social Work puts her in the perfect place to use people, get things for free, just like she did me and many others. I fear for what will happen to others, but I have no control over what goes on. It is very embarrassing to hear about her from others and to know that they believe every word she says. I do miss the good part of her, but I always end up paying for things for her and her kids, and being used. I am done with that, she knows it, and doesn't want contact. She will have to work full time for the first time in all these years, and pay off her college, and it is a big shock to her, I am sure. She is telling others that she doesn't know how she is going to pay off these loans. "Get a job".

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by CJR520

Social Work puts her in the perfect place to use people...

Scary, truly scary. I'm sorry, CJR. I hope you can "practice effective self-care" in the midst of this.

[CJR520]

I have good, honest friends to rely on and talk to who have seen what has been going on throughout the years. I also have a mother with Alzheimers to care for and my Dad has had multiple strokes, and needs help, so I am definitely busy. We have help coming this winter to stay with them during the week, thank goodness, so I will have more free time with hubby and grandkids. Thanks for caring!!

[Barb K]

Hi - I am new here and not really sure how this works. I am just looking to share my situation and possibly gather some advice.
I am currently going through a divorce with someone a family counselor has described as having a narcissitic personality disorder. When I researched information on the disorder, it was an unbelievably accurate description of his personality. I have been married for nearly 20 years, unwisely staying together because I have 2 children. He has worked very hard at projecting himself as absolutely wonderful to the entire community. He volunteers for everything and loves the adoration he receives. He makes sure he is visable at all our children's events. Noone would ever think for a moment that he could possibly treat us so badly at home.
He would always "set me up" to look bad. For example, I am the head of an organization in our town and people would give him material or information to pass on to me, but he simply wouldn't. I would look foolish for not responding, etc. as he would always claim he gave me the information. There are many more examples.
He becomes particularly disturbed when I lose weight and does everything in his power to make people believe I am having an affair. A few years ago, he bugged my house, car and phone, and hired people to follow and film me. The scary part was, I was never happier in my entire marriage, because he was taking me out to dinner, shopping with me, enjoying sex for the first time in many years, etc. I had no clue what he was doing behind my back. Everything came to light when he contacted a coworker's wife and said I was having an affair with her husband. He did that even after his detectives said that I most definately was not. We started into counseling, and then I found an application for a handgun permit. The counselor at that time said he either needed to go away for intense treatment or she was going to the authorities because she was concerned for my safety. He went away to the Caron Foundation for treatment. I took the leap of faith and stayed with him because he said he truly knew he was abusive, much like his dad. The "honeymoon" did not last long. Flash forward to now. Once again, I decided to lose weight and get healthier. He was definately planting seeds all over the place that I was having an affair. He then proceeded to rub my underwear and bras with poison sumac. The pain and discomfort were unbelievable. He was telling my Mom that I must be cheating as it is so peculiar that I only have poison at my private areas. My therapist insisted that I get a restraining order and contacted a lawyer on my behalf. That was on October 2nd. A scary thing is that, once again, guns come in to play. He had relocated his hunting guns - about seven - to someone else's house - because he said it was crazy at our house. Wow, once again, he was angry and I was unaware what was going on in his head. Thankfully, he had to turn the guns over as a result of a search warrant. He still has not seen the children because, as the counselor's have put it, he is not taking responsibility for what he has done. He is so angry and doing things that cost so much money through the attornies. My kids and I feel like we are on an island by ourselves as noone really understands how he is. They only see Mr. Wonderful and hear his sob story of how he is just a victim and I am keeping the children from him. He is living with his brother and has now reconnected with his family that he did not bother with for years (of course, blaming me for that), which is concerning as they all grew up in the same dysfunctional household.
There is so much more, but I've obviously gone on too long now. Some of my questions revolve around the guns. Should I be frightened with the connection? It just seems that noone except the kids and I see the fear we have. Will he ever become civil enough to get through this divorce? After all, he should. He will be taking half my pension and 401K per the lawyer, and paying little child support, as he could take cash in his business and reported little earnings. I never really knew what kind of money he was making and he was very angry when I questioned anything.
Sorry, just looking for some advice....... My head is spinning.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Barb K!

In view of the poison sumac episode, I believe you must regard the guns as a real threat. (I hate to use the word "must," but here I believe it warranted.)

As a narcissist, your husband is probably feeding off your fear and humiliation and may want to prolong that situation. Nevertheless, he's shown a willingness to hurt you physically; if he thinks he's squeezed all the "narcissistic supply" out of you he can, he may not hesitate to dispose of you.

Please get the authorities involved and obtain expert legal counsel. "Better safe than sorry."

[Barb K]

Thanks for your thoughts. I do have a call in to my attorney. It just frightens me because the prosecutor's office is notifiying him that he is entitled to have his weapons returned. I sometimes feel that only my kids and I know how scary he is. I guess that is why I am reaching out to this forum for people that understand.

[VoNPD]

Hi Barb, your story breaks my heart. I was in a similar situation with an N, but got out before the violence started. Our Counselor told me to RUN!

It's my experience that the only way to fend off an N. is with escalating legal action. Get your lawyer involved and get a restraining order and continue to block him from contact at all levels. Let the only contact (if you have to have any at all) be through the police or Judge. The financial penalties should escalate as well.

Godspeed, you are in my thoughts,
VoN

[HariKacanovski]

I have been reading several articles about narcisissm and self-esteem and I am a little bit confused.
I believe that I am intelligent person, I have good physical appereance and I believe that I am capable of successing in every area I want to. I am aware that there are some flaws in my character and I am trying to repair them. I believe in things that are logical, rational and well documented,and I am always critical and realistic about everything that is not supported by logic and rationality. If I am wrong and if someone prove me that I am mistaken I will accept that. I respect all the people, and I believe that everyone has the ability to be successiful in his life if he has the passion, self belief and if he work hard to make his dream come true.I respect everybody, but I don't believe that everybodys opinion is true.It depends of the facts that the person is presenting. I have my morals, and I believe that my role is to become better in the arts I love and help the world become better place. I like to be admired and respected and I admire and respect the people that are good persons(want to help, are fair, respect others) and I don't respect the people that are agressive, selfish etc...I don't respect people because of their looking or other unimportant factors to me. I want to help people who need help and I don't hate people that hate me because of some reasons
I think that sometimes, people that have low self esteem say that the people that are successful, good looking etc, are narcisstic. But it is not always the case. I think that I have unlimited possibilites as every human being has them, and every human being that can overcome his limitations: (fear. negative beliefs, wrong morality, irational emotions, bad concepts) can develop his talents.
Im I narcisstic?
ps: sorry about my english

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, HariKacanovski!

You raise an important point. Self-confidence and self-assertiveness are not the same as clinical narcissism or a "destructive narcissistic pattern." I'm glad for your success and desires to help people.

In this forum we're more concerned with "official" NPD - Narcissistic Personality Disorder as defined by the DSM (and its rough equivalent in the ICD).

[HariKacanovski]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello & Welcome, HariKacanovski!

You raise an important point. Self-confidence and self-assertiveness are not the same as clinical narcissism or a "destructive narcissistic pattern." I'm glad for your success and desires to help people.

In this forum we're more concerned with "official" NPD - Narcissistic Personality Disorder as defined by the DSM (and its rough equivalent in the ICD).

thank you for your answer sometimes people doesn't know what is the defference between narcicissm and self confidence

[CJR520]

Sorry for what you are going through, Barb. We never know what life will throw to us next. My Dad was always that way, and at 80 he still is. Big gun lover, nice to the neighbors, hateful to his wife and children. He hid it well for many years, but it really comes out in full view when they start to lose memory, etc. My grandson turned 9 before Christmas. We sent him a birthday gift and Christmas gifts. Heard from him two weeks after the holidays. Our daughter did the same thing she did with the first grandchild she kept from us. We came back from church one day, and there was a message from the grandson. When I tried many times all day to call back, the phone was busy. I gave up and waited until after school one day when I thought he would be home. His Dad answered the phone and was not very friendly with me, but did put the grandson on. After two years of daughter not letting us see or talk to him, he doesn't have much to say. He doesn't really know us now. We have gone through this twice, now, and I am getting hardened to it. Maybe I shouldn't , but I think I am in self protection mode. You get that way.

[momobri]

Originally Posted by CJR520

That is pretty much what I have done with my daughter. Just cut it off!! There are always people who will not or cannot understand you, but sometimes we have to take care of ourselves. Others just see that sweet person who they don't know is getting ready to take advantage of them and use them for all they are worth! My daughter had only one friend, a Mennonite lady, who she has used to death. Now, this lady is catching on, and my daughter will find someone else to use, then disgard.

How on earth do you do it? I really feel the need to back off from my son. My spouse does not want me alone with him, gets verbally abusive, but he's my only child. Sometimes i feel so reponsible for his problems and sometimes feel like I should butt out of my adult son's life. He wont listen to anyone and is real frustrated we are cooling on him, meanwhile he has taken up with a couple of friends that are real bad news, doing drugs, and I cant do a thing about it. Very frustrated and worried. Afraid he will feel even more unloved and that will make him worse.

[momobri]

Everyone that loves DS has been used and emotionally wounded by him, especially his grandfather, myself and his ex. We are all aware he has this problem, I cannot think of how to tell him. I guess there's no point, since he will just lash out, and I'm sure he wont work on it anyway. I hate feeling so negatively toward him. Almost afraid of hime

[rainbow_recluse]

Originally Posted by skeeweeaka

N's seek out people that they can manipulate, all to late, I see that now! Unfortunatley, my codepedency helped a lot because my exhusband is an N! He has hurt many, many people who loved and cared for him in his life but he has no remorse, he says that he somehow made it up to them all...except me of course!

N's will lie and lie and lie...they will steal from you and tell you to your face that it was YOUR FAULT! N's are disturbed people and can really make you feel insane and that you are the problem.

In this case, I don't think he even knows that he is an N, but he does know that he is very dysfunctional. He never completes anything! He seems to not have a grasp of who he "really" is and what he does to people. He always has to feel better than other people and dresses the part, he only deals with professional people. He has nothing to show for 48 years of his life...no home...no car...no friends...except for our dd and he has manipulated her to believe that I am the evil one...heavy sigh!

TJ

This does not sound like narcissism a all it sounds like passive agression,narcs dont bother with all these lies because it takes up too much energy

[frustratedwife]

I think my husband has Narcissistic tendencies. To the outer world he comes across as a kind passive person. At home he is the complete opposite. I can ask something as simple as please take off your muddy shoes and he can argue with me for 5 minutes about why he has them on and why he is not taking them off. He has quite a temper and blames me for it. He never apologizes and claims to do nothing wrong. He wanted to go to therapy at one time to prove that I am the one with the problem. he complains about me to everyone he knows always leaving out what he says and does. Recently he came home from the Dr. to tell me he had an STD (not from me). He refuses to take a polygraph to prove he did or didn't have an affair. He has chatted to women online and said that he could do that because I was nagging him. He has said that if I divorce him that I will never have the children (we have 3 young children) and one way or another he will see his children daily (fearing I would have full custody). I feel like I am living with a monster and just recently realized that he may have NPD. He says I am crazy and the one with the problem. Help.

[griffy2]

Hi All,
narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) was first presented to me yesterday at my physiologist office visit. At first she mentioned it to where I bearly heard the word and then I asked what it meant. She gave me a brief description, enough to where I Googled that strange word!! I began reading about myself. I am 68 years old and never have really gotten along with too many people. I have been told I have PSTD and I am thin skinned and can't take any ribbing or ridicule to any degree without becoming "Blustery" as my physiologist mentioned to me yesterday. I have been reading on the website before entering this forum about the symptoms. Out of 9 possibilities I have 4 that rings bells and those are my goals to improve on. And they are:

5. Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
7. Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

I really felt like a sheep being lead to the slaughter house when my wife and I went to the physiologist office. However when she mentioned I had narcissistic personality disorder, that immediately got my attention. That is why I am here now seeking answers, so when I have encounters with my immediate family there will be no more "Blustery" outbursts!!
Thanks for listening and comments are most welcome!
Griffy2