[khodson]

Hello everyone,

My husband has a very severe case of OCD. He's always had anxiety, but it wasn't until about a month before we got married (after a woman died while he was a lifeguard at a pool) that he started having OCD. He has never really been the same, but then when we got married to got much worse. He started yelling at me for walking by garbage cans and for cleaning the bathroom within a month of being married... not because he was trying to be rude, but because he thought he was 'protecting me'. Somehow we have made it through and we have been married now for over 10 years but he still tells me how he wants everything done and what he doesn't want me to do, and if I don't do it he will yell at me or keep at me until I do it. I don't want to leave him, but this is affecting me and I'm worried it will start affecting our little girls (2 1/2 and 11 months.) I know he doesn't want to do the things he does and he is an entirely different person when he isn't experiencing OCD, but the anxiety is everywhere in our lives. It seems when he gets over one fear, another will take its place. He loves our girls and I don't want to leave him, but I don't know how to not to the OCD when he yells at me constantly if I don't. I'm so lost. Please help. I'm desperate!

[perpetuallysad]

I'm certainly not an expert but I do have ocd. Just from what you said he seems more controlling than to be exhibiting ocd characteristics (this is strictly from my point of view). While sometimes the things other people do, in a certain way or whatever, upset me, I am far more likely to be doing the compulsive behavior myself. Like I'm ticky about how things are arranged and whatnot, but I just do the arranging myself. If someone comes along and changes what I have arranged, I just fix it back the way I want it. The only time I tend to get upset about something that I am particularly compulsive about is time! I cannot be late for things. It creates unbelievable stress within me and I will rush everyone to get to a place WAY early so that I can be "on time". My husband is really very late. I mean, all the time, so I do end up fussing about this. But its generally not in an ultra mean way. Anyway, long story short is that he seems to be more on the controlling side than having obsessions and compulsions. Of course, I am sure there is more to the story. If you would like to share some things you think are "OCD" behaviors, it might make it easier for me to understand and to help you with, if I can.

[khodson]

Thank you for your response. My husband says that I am part of his OCD; he says that trying to keep people safe is his obsession and that he cannot control his compulsion to keep at me in order to keep me safe. Do you think this could be possible? Thanks!

[perpetuallysad]

All this is speculation, because I don't know him and haven't heard from him exactly how he feels, etc. I can see him being worried over your welfare and that being a compulsion of sorts, but I don't see how that translates into him trying to control how you do everything as part of his ocd. Its really hard to say. Sometimes I am being bossy to my husband because he doesn't do things exactly how I want and I KNOW its my problem, but I still do it. I guess it comes down to how much you are willing to tolerate and how much he is willing to try to back off of the pressure he puts on you. Does he apologize for his behavior? Does he try to change the way he acts and reacts to things you do?

[coko27]

Originally Posted by khodson

Hello everyone,

My husband has a very severe case of OCD. He's always had anxiety, but it wasn't until about a month before we got married (after a woman died while he was a lifeguard at a pool) that he started having OCD. He has never really been the same, but then when we got married to got much worse. He started yelling at me for walking by garbage cans and for cleaning the bathroom within a month of being married... not because he was trying to be rude, but because he thought he was 'protecting me'. Somehow we have made it through and we have been married now for over 10 years but he still tells me how he wants everything done and what he doesn't want me to do, and if I don't do it he will yell at me or keep at me until I do it. I don't want to leave him, but this is affecting me and I'm worried it will start affecting our little girls (2 1/2 and 11 months.) I know he doesn't want to do the things he does and he is an entirely different person when he isn't experiencing OCD, but the anxiety is everywhere in our lives. It seems when he gets over one fear, another will take its place. He loves our girls and I don't want to leave him, but I don't know how to not to the OCD when he yells at me constantly if I don't. I'm so lost. Please help. I'm desperate!

Anxiety makes ocd worse ,Ocd make you do crazy things like washing your hands over and over again and it gives you bad thoughts like harming your love ones or people you dont even know Iam on zoloft 50mg along with effexor just let him go to a doctor that work with ocd .Not saying it will cure it want but it will ease up those thoughts its not going to help with the cleaning.