[nfs1]

I just turned 17 years old and recently I discovered I have OCD. on December 7, 2010, I self diagnosed my self with OCD. On January 3, I diagnosed myself with ADD and today, January 7, I found out that I probably might have bipolar disorder and also diagnosed myself with intrusive thoughts. Im getting bad news after bad news. (for example, just yesterday, my dentist said that i need a root canal.) I think I need help. I have never gotten therapy nor have I told anyone including my problems to anyone including my parents. I have kind and caring parents but I'm worried about telling them for three reasons. One is that we've been hit hard by the economy and my dads's been out of a job for a while now so what if they can't afford treatment? Second is that I'm worried about this news being a big shocker for them. They may even deny my problem. Third is that I dont want this news to spread to other people like my brothers because i am very ashamed about this. I am very intelligent and taking 5 AP classes but these problems have been hurting my performance recently. I am feeling depressed and really worried about my uncertain future. I get so many unwanted thoughts and irrational fears in my head and I have to deal with these continuously most of the day. What should I do?

[vertebrae]

Friday, January 7th, 2011


nfs1...


Since you are still in high school, I would suggest that you contact your school counselor -or- nurse with regard to the issues that you've been experiencing. It is imperative that you bring this to the attention of someone trained to diagnose these issues correctly ... self diagnosis goes only so far and carries only so much credibility.

Investigate the school counselor route as I would be almost positive that they have psychiatrists / psychologists / accredited mental health counselors / physicians / etc. at their disposal as part of the local school district that your high school is part of. Your parent's and the community's tax dollars pay into it, and with you still being considered a minor, by law, you are entitled to it as a student if you bring it to the school's attention. The school may refer you to one of the health providers I mentioned above, or they may assist you in locating someone who might be able to see you on a sliding scale fee based upon your household income.

Additionally, I think that they would honour the potential privacy concerns of yours (so as long as you are not contemplating harming yourself or others).

You also have to remember that these conditions (OCD / ADD / Bipolar Disorder) can be treated with medications and therapy. Sometimes using one or the other or both in conjunction. Medications can be obtained via the pharmaceutical companies that have "Patient Assistance Programs" (a.k.a. "P.A.P.") that allocate free / low cost medications that they produce for individuals who cannot afford them based upon their household income.

Myself, I have had OCD for 26+ years (coupled with depression and generalized anxiety disorder). I think that I have ADD as well due to my attention span varying so much ... I can focus on something that I am really interested in, but if I am not interested in a subject, my mind drifts and my motivation evaporates. Other people may view this as laziness or lack of follow through, but it is due to the ADD and OCD, and I usually don't go into detail with them on the reasons for being this way.

Your concerns that you mentioned:

01. One is that we've been hit hard by the economy and my dads's been out of a job for a while now so what if they can't afford treatment?

Answer: Hey, welcome to the real world my friend. A LOT of people are without work or steady income right now, so let the potential wound to your and your family's pride-factor go. Not a big deal.

Boatloads of people are stuggling with income issues due to the economy / recession, and to be honest with you, the Mental Health Establishment has seen a spike in new cases of mental health / familial / employment concerns.

So don't think that you'll be branded with the proverbial scarlet letter of "DESTITUTE" or "POOR". Nada. Once again, there are mental health practitioners who provide services on a sliding scale fee according to your household income. Don't let the monetary concerns be a deterent to your obtaining proper treatment. OK?

02. Second is that I'm worried about this news being a big shocker for them. They may even deny my problem.

Since I don't know the personal constitution of your parents' personalities, I am going to take a roundabout shot at this concern from the standpoint of: THEY ARE YOUR PARENTS ... Parents are supposed to provide support for their children. That comes with the territory of being a parent. One day, you may experience this firsthand.

Sure, they may indeed deny the issue, but if you go in with some info / clarification from either your school counselors or school nurse, etc. then that may back up your concerns. Provide them with evidence that has been confirmed by a professional so that they can see that this is something that has credence to it.


03. Third is that I dont want this news to spread to other people like my brothers because i am very ashamed about this.

No need to be ashamed of it. If your brothers have a problem with it, then that's their problem, not yours. Your parents may have to educate them as to what you are dealing with (and what the family, as a unit, may have to do to lend its support and understanding to you during this timeperiod).

I'd be curious to know if any of your family members / immediate relatives have ever dealt with (or may be secretly dealing with now) the issues / conditions that you may have. I wouldn't be surprised as this thing tends to have a genetic component to it.

Finally, don't worry about the root canal procedure that your dentist recommended. I've had one, and to be honest with you, I didn't feel any pain. Nada. Just voice your concerns to the dentist and he / she will take your concerns to heart when carrying out the procedure. You can ask for a larger dose of pain medication, or for that matter, possibly be placed under twilight sedation or "laughing gas" sedation.

Root canals have taken on the fabled ogre status in the general public's eye. Don't worry about it. Just be glad that you aren't living back in the Middle Ages and have a dental concern. THEN, you could be a wee bit concerned, but the last time I checked, the field of dentistry in the 21st Century has advanced so far from the gruesome practices of Middle Ages dental treatments.

OK then, I am gonna scoot here. Take my advice and do take action. The longer that you postpone dealing with this stuff, the more it will eat away at your psyche and in doing so, you are only robbing yourself of the health / wellness of life that you (and everyone else) is entitled to as a human being.

The journey of a thousand miles begins but with a single step. Take that step.

Take care,

vertebrae

[nfs1]

Thanks for the very detailed reply. I really appreciate it. I have been observing my family members and i know that my mom wouldn't have OCD. And my brothers, 10 and 15 years old show no signs of it as well, but that doesn't mean they they may not get it later on (God forbid). I am almost sure my dad doesn't have OCD but there are some slight eccentricities I have noticed with him. For example, when we go grocery shopping, he always refuses to buy anything w/ artificial flavors, high fructose corn syrup, preservatives, chemicals etc and he always prefers organic stuff. And he once told me that perfectionism is not good and he has tendencies to make whatever he is doing perfect. I think that even if he does have OCD, he doesn't know about it (not that he would have the OC Personality Disorder). And I'm not sure but he might have a bit of ADD since he procrastinates and isn't that great with time management. I've been to the school nurse before two years ago to complain about heart burn (which still bothers me from time to time) but she told me that im too young for heart problems. But ill try asking her anyway. The biggest thing thats holding me back from telling my parents is embarrassment. I've been trying self therapy but yesterday my problems seemed to worsen when I found out that I may possibly have bipolar disorder. *I know that there are therapists and drugs out there but I don't want my whole life to be centered and dependent around those.*I had big plans and ambitions in life (going to film school, raising a family etc) but now I'm not so sure about them anymore with these terrible issues. I get a lot of homework from school and am under constant stress from them. I have to struggle to pay attention in class with ADD and unwanted thoughts and problems in my mind. I regret signing up for 5 AP (college level) courses. I'm also introverted (despite the rest of my family being very social and outgoing) and don't have that many truly great friends and I feel lonely. Could drugs, councelling and therapy really do a lot to help me with my life?

[vertebrae]

Saturday, January 8th, 2011

nfs1 ...

Hey there.

OK, glad that you took the time to peruse over my reply to you with regard to the issues that you are currently trying to manage on your own at the moment.

I take it that you are quite possibly a female (?) based upon the "sensitivity vibe" that I get from reading your reply. (If you're a dude, then by all means, please forgive me ... my mistake, "dude").

__________

You wrote:

01. "I have been observing my family members and i know that my mom wouldn't have OCD."

01A. OK, that is good, however, she *may* have it and just be really adept at hiding it. Y/N? Not trying to suggest that she does have OCD, but using your own experience with it, and how you try to deal with it on your own, albeit in silence, could she be doing the same thing? Once again, I am not accusing her of having it, but this course of deduction could be applied to your family or relatives.

If not, then don't focus on it as I am attempting to "grab at straws" here via not knowing anything about you or your family (other than what you've shared here on the Psych Central Forums), and within the limitations of the Internet.

__________


02. "And my brothers, 10 and 15 years old show no signs of it as well, but that doesn't mean they they may not get it later on (God forbid)."

02A. OK, that is good to know. But once again, you are keen enough to understand that they may develop it as well in the future. If so, wouldn't you prefer that you took the first step in getting help for yourself, thereby *if* they were to develop it (or maybe have it already, but once again are hiding their struggles with it), they could turn to you and thereby learn from your course of action in getting help for it? Y/N?

It would almost be like a family that has a predisposition for some type of disease. If one family member were to express concern for his / her physical health with regard to the hereditary disease, and thereby seek a course of action in which to either:

A. Ascertain if they indeed have it or are currently at a hightened risk for developing it.

-Or-

B. Learn that they do not have it, or based upon their predisposition for it, can take preventative measures to limit / prevent it from impacting their physical health.

Wouldn't said family member be obligated to inform the other members of their family about the potential risk and what their results were with regard to possibly developing it? Y/N? I think they would out of the familial bond that is the root of what a family is.

__________

03. "I am almost sure my dad doesn't have OCD but there are some slight eccentricities I have noticed with him. For example, when we go grocery shopping, he always refuses to buy anything w/ artificial flavors, high fructose corn syrup, preservatives, chemicals etc and he always prefers organic stuff."

03A. OK, well this doesn't really exemplify OCD per se, however it may just be that your father is a "health nut" or particularly keen on avoiding ingredients that are not beneficial to his health.

I am (and have been for 21 years) a vegetarian. Like hardcore. I always make it a point of reading the labels on foodstuffs in order to ascertain if animal byproducts or ingredients are found within said product. If I didn't, then I'd be compromising my identity and beliefs as a vegetarian.

__________

04. "And he once told me that perfectionism is not good and he has tendencies to make whatever he is doing perfect."

04A. Your father's statement is akin to doublespeak / hypocrisy. Not that he is intending to be that way, but oftentimes, people who are intent on trying to attain perfection (or achieving what they consider to be "perfection", be it in actuality, either real or imagined), carry this dual standard of belief. Kind of along the lines of "Do as I say ... not as I do".

__________

05. "I think that even if he does have OCD, he doesn't know about it (not that he would have the OC Personality Disorder)."

05A. OCD and OC Personality Disorder are two different classifications that the DSM-IV offers a diagnosis / explanation for. Portions of each overlay one another in some aspects, and in others, they are polar opposites. Only psychiatrists / psychologists who are well versed in treating mental health / personality / emotional issues, are cognitive enough in these areas to make that distinction based upon their training and past experiences in treating patients.

Your father may very well be a candidate for either OCD or OC Personality Disorder. Sounds to me like he would be the individual with whom you share some similar attributes with regard to your OCD symptoms and possibly other thought related / emotional issues. I would bank on having him be the individual in your family with whom you could open up to about your concerns since he appears to share some of your traits (and vice versa).

__________


06. "And I'm not sure but he might have a bit of ADD since he procrastinates and isn't that great with time management."

06A. That very well could be a symptom of ADD -or- even a bit of a Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder. Could be something indicative of a deeper issue, or it could be nothing but a personality quirk.

However, it does seem to fall within the realm of ADD and even OCD to an extent. People with OCD can become so bogged down with their obsessions or compulsions (which can be performed either internally via thought, or externally via rituals that are either noticeable by others or hidden from view), that they lose track of time or become so consumed with performing the compulsions that they wind up appearing to others like they are procrastinating / lazy / irresponsible / obstinate / etc. Everything else becomes secondary to performing said ritual or rituals.

If not, they can become quite agitated or despondent at not being able to carry them out according to their linear thought process: "I need to do 'A' before I can do 'B' which will allow me to get to 'C' and then I'll feel more at ease." Interrupt that process and it can put the individual into a bit of a tailspin. That is why CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) has been used to treat OCD with remarkable results.

__________

07. "I've been to the school nurse before two years ago to complain about heart burn (which still bothers me from time to time) but she told me that im too young for heart problems. But ill try asking her anyway."

07A. Well my friend, heartburn and OCD / ADD / Bipolar Disorder are (the last time I checked) different sides of the same coin. One affects the esophogeal tract and the others, well, they have nothing to do with the esophogeal tract ... one falls within the category of physical issues, and the others fall within the category of psychological issues. Heartburn symtoms as a whole have nothing to do with your heart (except in a very low percentage of cases - i.e. 0.6% or less in cases of people presenting themselves to a hospital emergency room with GERD symptoms which in fact may be due to ischemic heart disease). This according to the Wikipedia entry for "Heartburn". It is a gastric issue known as acid reflux which can be exacerbated by food intake and / or emotional factors.

I think that since you had an encounter with the nurse that wasn't really to your liking / approval ("Yes ... I do have a heart condition which is the cause of my troubles"), and the nurse didn't reinforce your preconceived ideas, that you've sort of lost confidence in her ability to assist you. Y/N? Either that, or you may not have confidence in her because she may very well be not too informed / trained in analyzing your primary concerns.

I think you should go with the school counselor option if you feel uncomfortable in dealing with the school nurse. It may just allow you to skip over one portion of the process whereby finding the proper treatment for yourself will be the most expedient and beneficial to you.

__________


08."The biggest thing thats holding me back from telling my parents is embarrassment. I've been trying self therapy but yesterday my problems seemed to worsen when I found out that I may possibly have bipolar disorder."

08A. Well then, you just answered it yourself. By going the self diagnosis route, you either are in the ballpark with regard to the correct diagnosis, or you very well may be off the mark.

You are leaving that answer "up in the air" either purposely (so you don't have to deal with it), or are procrastinating (kind of like you mentioned your father does) out of fear of what it may be.

Who knows? It could very well be due to the physiological changes that are occurring within your body as a 17 year old. I don't know if you are male or female, but at this stage in life, your hormones / brain and body chemistry / etc. are pretty much in the region of a can of Pepsi that has been shaken up and the carbonation levels are off the chart. We're talking bubbling hormones. And those physiological / hormonal changes can (and do) sometimes effect one's psychological health.

But back to the self diagnosis aspect:

An example would be if you owned a vehicle that was emitting an odd sound each time you drove it. You decide that you don't want to take it to a mechanic for one reason or another (cost / embarassment at not knowing too much about automobiles / stubborness / etc.).

You drive it around and the sound hasn't abated. It is only getting worse. You check out books / read articles in car magazines / search the Internet for info on what it may be, but to no conclusive solution. You wind up tinkering with the car and do so without really knowing what you may be doing. In fact, you may only be making the source of the sound even more prevalent. Ex.: "Do I remove this fan belt and replace it, or should I disconnect this wire and attach this wire here, or should I unplug this dohicky and push this button?"

Lo and behold, you may very well be tinkinering in the wrong location with regard to the source of the issue with the car noise. You may be concentrating on the engine, when it may be originating from the rear wheel axle. Or the brakes. Or the fuel line. Catch my drift?

So with regard to your condition, you may very well be unable to diagnose and treat the causes on your own.

Many people who have mental / emotional conditions who have not sought out the proper course of treatment either suffer in silence or denial, or wind up self medicating to ameliorate their emotional pain.

Why do you think there are so many alcoholics / drug abusers / shop-aholics / etc. in this world? Most are attempting to run away from the issues that gnaw at them. Rather than seeking out the proper course of treatment, they take the "I don't need to see a shrink / counselor / religious confidant / etc." They wind up only adding further grief to themselves. And now they have MORE problems to deal with than when they began to experience their issues. Bummer.

__________

09. "I know that there are therapists and drugs out there but I don't want my whole life to be centered and dependent around those."

09A. Helloooooo? Knock knock knock. Who said anything about your life having to be centered around or dependent upon therapists / medication?

Once again, this is not in the realm of being branded in the Middle Ages with a scarlet letter on the middle of your forehead. Nada. We're not back in the 1800's / earlier part of the 20th Century where people with mental health issues are thrown into asylums to drool themselves into oblivion due to the effects of powerful tranquilizers. No way.

If you only knew of the number of people in this world who are dealing with these issues (and even more acute issues at that), that are able to live functional lives, you'd be amazed. It is just that they are not walking around with a placard hung about their necks that brazenly proclaims "LOOK. LOOK AT ME! I have [insert diagnosis or condition here]! Aren't you impressed?"

They do so with quite dignity and perseverance. Sure, they may not be pooping rainbows whenever they take a dump, but hey, who does? They are dealing with it with the innate abilities that they have in conjunction with trained individuals who are educated in these fields of health care.

__________


10. "I had big plans and ambitions in life (going to film school, raising a family etc) but now I'm not so sure about them anymore with these terrible issues."

10A. Um ... no. You are blowing this out of proportion. Who ever said that your ambitions have been dashed or compromised for having a mental health condition?

I think that is how you perceive it with regard to being a 17 year old who hasn't really stepped out into the world yet. Listen, once you are out of high school and on your own or pursuing your education or dreams, life takes on a new perspective that cannot compare to the microcosm of high school pressures / politics / etc. Really. So don't warp or distort those perceptions based upon having a psychological condition. Once again, this appears to me to have something in common with what you've mentioned your father as doing ... i.e. seeking perfectionism. It becomes an "all or nothing" type of quest, that realistically, wasn't obtainable from the onset.

You mentioned film school. Well, to let you in on a secret, one of the most famous directors in Hollywood, has been diagnosed as being bipolar. Ever heard of "Francis Ford Coppola"? Sure you have. He has directed some of the most iconic films in history (Apocalypse Now, The Godfather trilogy, Dracula, Rumblefish, The Outsiders, etc.).

1. Francis Ford Coppola's bio at the IMDB:

h t t p : / / w w w . i m d b . c o m / n a m e / n m 0 0 0 0 3 3 8 / b i o


2. A to Z list of celebrities with bipolar disorder:

h t t p : / / b i p o l a r . a b o u t . c o m / o d / c e l e b r i t i e s a t o z / C e l e b r i t i e s _ w i t h _ B i p o l a r _ D i s o r d e r _ A _ t o _ Z _ L i s t i n g . h t m



3. List of celebrities with mental health conditions (in .pdf format):

h t t p : / / w w w . m e n t a l h e a l t h m i n i s t r i e s . n e t / l i n k s _ r e s o u r c e s / o t h e r _ r e s o u r c e s / f a m o u s p e o p l e . p d f

(Remove the spaces in the URL links above, since this forum will not allow me to post links yet as I am a new user.)

And to reiterate once again, you mentioned "these terrible issues" ... issues which haven't even begun to have been brought to a specialist's attention. You've been doing all of the diagnosis yourself.

For that matter, just like the example of the mysterious car noise I mentioned above, you may be off the mark. That is why it is very important to seek out the proper treatment rather than trying to fix it yourself. You've reached a "critical mass" point in your own research and have stressed yourself to the limit in doing so. Time for you to swallow your pride and take that step of faith in allowing someone else to help you.

So don't cut the proverbial tree from the limb here. Or as they say, make a mountain out of a mole hill. Keep calm and know that others have gone through what you are going through and have survived and gone on to admit later along on their paths that they had overreacted to the breadth and scope of their personal mental health concerns. Remember: "One step at a time."

__________


11. "I get a lot of homework from school and am under constant stress from them. I have to struggle to pay attention in class with ADD and unwanted thoughts and problems in my mind. I regret signing up for 5 AP (college level) courses."

11A. Well, look at it this way (I take it that you are a senior in High School) ... it is almost mid January 2011. You graduate at the end of May or early June 2011. That is approximately 4 to 4 1/2 months away. Take out a week for Easter Break / Spring Break. So give yourself credit for having made it through the previous 4 to 5 months of the school year with the course load that (I presume) you've been taking.

You've made it this far and are over the proverbial "hump". Past the midway point. Downhill from here.

You've shown that you can manage with everything on your plate and can (and will) be able to do so even now as things seem to feel like they are becoming worse for you.

Once again, it is imperative that you seek out someone to assist you with these issues. Someone to help lighten the burden. Don't feel that you are showing weakness in doing so. There are individuals out there who know what you are going through, or as part of their personality / personal constitution, enjoy helping others like yourself. OK?

The course load is not forever ... you are within sight of completing it. If you need to lessen it, check with your counselor or teachers. They may cut you some slack or suggest an alternative route. Once again, don't cut the tree off from the branch.

__________

12. "I'm also introverted (despite the rest of my family being very social and outgoing) and don't have that many truly great friends and I feel lonely."

12A. Well, being introverted is nothing to be ashamed about. I consider myself to be a bit of an introvert in the manner of being contemplative / observant of life around me. I think of myself as being a "human satellite". Sort of orbiting and observing the human condition. I would label myself to be a "loner" but in the vein of being an "intelligent" loner.

With time and experience, and if you feel comfortable enough with yourself and others, you may just be able to emerge from that introverted social shell. Once again, things change after high school. Really they do.

If college is in your future, you'll see firsthand how trivial the atmosphere of high school was in comparison to the collegiate level of study / atmosphere. You'll be able to associate with like minded individuals who don't really have time for the buffoonery that goes on in high school. But then again, college tends to have its own "buffoonery" (i.e. Fraternities, Sororities, alcohol, etc.). Again, this occurs on a different level than high school and with more dire consequences if one's behaviour gets out of hand (and you're the one paying to be there, hence it is your / your parent's money and that tends to put a quick damper on things that may get one booted off campus).

Also, don't compare yourself to that of your family's social outgoingness. You are you. Not them. You'll develop at your own pace. Right now you've got a lot on your plate and will have to take things one at a time. Give yourself some credit. OK?

__________


13. "Could drugs, counseling and therapy really do a lot to help me with my life?"

13A. Uhm ... you've made it this far along in my lengthy tome of a response to your posting here on this forum. Wadda you think I'd say? Hmmm. Give it a try, OK?

Do yourself and I a favour and print out a copy of your postings here on this forum (and my replies) and take them with you to your school counselor. Let them read it over in privacy and then suggest a route for you to take. It may lessen your fears of embarrassment and give the school counselor some time to track down different avenues which may assist you. OK?

__________


OK then, I am gonna scoot here as I think that I've put in close to 2 1/2 hours now typing up this response. Fingers and brain are s-h-o-t. But it is for a good cause, so I don't regret it in the least.

Hang in there, take one thing at a time, and take that initial step to healing yourself.

I shall check back here in a couple of days to see what your response may be.

Best wishes,

vertebrae

[nfs1]

Sorry for my not so immediate response. I was very busy with my studies. I appreciate your assistance and wish I could find some way to repay you back for all the time, energy, thought and research you put forth. FYI, I'm not a girl and am still in 11th grade (but your inductive reasoning and analyzing skills are nonetheless amazing). I am starting to sort of have doubts about having bipolar since i don't seem to have all the symptoms. I guess it's possible that my OCD is causing me to irrationally think that I may have it or it could be the physiological changes at my age like you mentioned. 1/7 and 1/8 were literally the worst days of my life after reading about the bipolar disorder. I was really down with depression when I said that I'm not sure of my big plans in life and regretting my courses. I was still under the shock from the possibility of having bipolar. I thought i was never going to live normally again but I've calmed down and now my normal mood is slowly coming back. Yesterday, my mom asked me if something has been troubling me lately and I finally decided to revealed my OCD and ADD problem directly to her. Turns out that she does occasionally get compulsive thoughts but is able to manage them. She gave me some strategies for dealing with unwanted thoughts. I think I'm going to try her therapy first and if it doesn't work, I can get counseling or professional help. I didn't discuss the bipolar issue with her though. I'd love to hear a bit about yourself and your struggles if you don't mind.. It's nice to know that there are many successful celebrities out there with these problems. It seems as if their problems actually helped them to achieve greater success.

thnx for the support xD

[angela123]

I am really glad you told someone . That is very important.

[vertebrae]

Monday, January 17th, 2011

nfs1 ...

OK, first off, please pardon my delay in getting back with you regarding your last post on Monday, January 10th, 2011 at 11:24 PM.

I sent you a personal message just to let you know that I had not forgotten to reply to you a bit more in depth here on the thread you began. It is just that I've been doing a bit of typing and quite frankly, my fingers have been taxed somewhat.

So then, back to your reply. I understand your dedication to your course studies and can empathize with you about having it consume a lot of your freetime. No need to apologize.

Secondly, no need to repay me (even if you could). I am doing this out of an altruistic desire.

With you being a Junior in high school, I would think that this is a very critical year for you as you gear up for taking preliminary SAT tests, getting some ideas as to what colleges you may be interested in, and so forth. That coupled with your advanced collegiate courseload can be a heavy burden.

Regarding your feelings about whether you have or do not have a "Bipolar" condition, once again, I strongly urge you NOT to rely upon self-diagnosis (however you may be doing so - be it online self-surveys, reading up on it in books or Internet articles, etc.). Doing so would only add fuel to a possible psychosomatic predisposition that you may (or may not) have. And I posit this in a good way that isn't accusing you of being "psychosomatic", but in that I am having to sort of touch upon all possiblities of your circumstances within the limited parameters of what I can offer you here via this Internet forum.

Additionally, I am advising you in a manner of someone who can relate to a fellow individual who may be suffering through circumstances similar to what I've gone through in my life. In no way am I able to diagnose, treat, or supplant the care you would receive from a licensed medically trained health care provider.

I do think that you should give serious consideration to following that route (i.e. the medical / mental health care consultation) rather than waiting for it to either abate -or- for it to become more acute.

For what it is worth, follow your mother's advice that she gave you when you mentioned your concerns to her, however, with the caveat of doing so for a limited period of time. Such as a month or six weeks or so. That way, you can assess how you were doing at the beginning of your following said advice from your mother, and then after a period of 30 to 45 days, you can compare how you feel with how you did so at the outset.

For my benefit, I would like to know the following from you:

01. The advice that your mother offered you.

02. What she may have mentioned were / are her particular symptoms.


03. What your symptoms are with regard to:

a. OCD
b. Bipolar
c. ADD

And why you think that they pertain to said conditions with regard to yourself.

04. By what means are you diagnosing yourself (provide Internet website links / book titles / articles / etc.).


05. What your concerns or fears are with regard to seeking professional help.


Regarding your inquiry about what I have gone through, at this point and time I'd rather not elaborate too much about myself, as I want to maintain the focus upon yourself. If I were to elaborate at length on my symptoms, I'd feel that I were taking the focus off of the issue at hand.

Briefly however, just know that I have gone through various manifestations OCD for many years (which began in early adolescence) that began as repetitive handwashing, morphede into ritual checking / repetitions of tasks, to perfectionism (everything viewed as if it were "on a grid" so to speak), to obsessive thoughts or ideas which have no relevance to me.

This has been compounded by a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), coupled with a Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) [of which OCD is labeled as] separate from the OCD diagnosis, and bouts of suicidal ideation. I also believe that I have symptoms of ADD as well.

I have been on several different medications to both success and to less satisfactory results to treat my condition.

The two primary medications that offered a bit of relief from my symptoms (OCD, Depression, Anxiety, etc.) were:

a. Fluoxetine (a.k.a. "Prozac")

(Began at 20mg / day - ended at 80mg / day over a course of approximately 16 years or so. There were timeperiods in which I stopped my reliance upon the medication only to relapse into said symptoms once again - but worse than before.)

b. Sertraline (a.k.a. "Zoloft")

(The current medication that I am taking for my condition. Began at I believe either 75mg / day or 100mg / day, up to my current dosage of 200mg / day over the course of approximately 7 years.)

Once again, I want to maintain the focus upon yourself and I decided to share my info / experience with you to possibly get you to feel a bit more at ease about seeking professional treatment / medication / therapy, etc.

The Zoloft seems to work quite well in my case as it has alleviated quite a bit of the OCD symptoms, helped to take the edge off of my anxiety, and to a certain extent, helped me deal with depression, though I'd prefer it to work a bit more effectively in lessening my depressive symptoms.

I can honestly say that without the support of many individuals whom I have crossed paths with in my years of dealing with all of this, coupled with the benefit of medications ... I would not be here typing this response to you. I'd be six feet beneath the soil you stand upon. Dead from some self inflicted trauma of some type. Honestly.

OK then, I am gonna scoot here. Brain and emotional energy is a bit taxed right now and I am off to meander the Internet for other interests and information.

Hopefully my advice has been of assistance to you and I do look forward to your reply / response.

Take care,

-vertebrae-