celebrity related obsession-OCD? pleasehelp

Hi, i'm new here. I wrote my first post in the Depression area of the forum. I have been very depressed for 3 years, but i'm not going to go into my whole background like i did in my other post. Now, i have many of the symptoms for many, many mental illnesses. I have never been to the doctor about any of my problems. But, i just wanted to ask about one particular aspect of my problems here. Could someone please give me advice about whether this particular situation could have something to do with OCD?

About 3 years ago (when my depression first started for entirely other reasons, but this soon added to the depression and became the new main reason for it), i became absolutely OBSESSED and i mean obsessed with a particular TV show and the cast of this tv show. I decided my life's meaning was going to be that i was going to move to America and befriend these actors. This is all so very real to me, please don't judge. (By the way, i am a 17 yr old female, these actors are between 25 and 31 years old than i am).

With everything i'm writing please keep in mind that i was very depressed and am still very depressed. Anyway, every conversation i had revolved around these actors. I used to ask my mum and all the members of my family to have conversations with me about them and what we were going to do together when we become friends, i steered every conversation around to them and this plan of mine of moving to America. To me, this wasn't some far fetched plan, i actually decided i was going to get a uni degree, get a visa and move over to America (i live in Australia), where i would then meet them and we'd become the best of friends. I actually planned to carry out this plan, and i still do.

It started adding to my depression even more because i was only 14 (17 now) and moving over to America seemed like such a long time away. But this whole time, i knew on some level, i wasn't obsessed with all of the cast of actors, just one. I was just acting like it was all of them because i thought it would seem less weird than it just being about one of them. Today, i still have the plan with the visa and stuff. But i stopped talking about it altogether with family members (which is a far cry from how it was because every single conversation used to revolve around it). I have a very guilty conscious about this.

It is just about the one actor at this point, and as i've said before it's been almost 3 years. This makes me really sad to say this, but pretty much everyday for the past 3 years i've looked up this person on the computer to see the latest news on them. It feels like i HAVE TO do it, like i can't use the computer for anything else until i've seen what this person has been doing. There are 7 of the same websites that i check for any new news (this part sounds like OCD to me). I feel very very jealous of people that this person has relationships with. I want to make it clear this isn't some teenybop Justin Bieber stuff you've heard of. The strange part is im a 17 year old female and this person im talking about is a middle-aged female.

And when this person's partner breaks up with them, i think they are absolutely crazy. It's weird because i don't really feel anything sexual for the person, it's more like i'm just so amazed at how lucky i am that i'm alive in the same time period as someone so magical. And i feel this person is so beautiful because they radiate warmth, and i feel so so jealous of anyone who gets to be a part of the persons life, and that they don't realise how lucky they are.

It's weird because i don't think to myself things like "Oh this means you're a lesbian" and stuff like that, i just think if i was ever lucky enough to be with this person it would just be something that no one in the world understood but us. It's like i live my life through this person. I have these fantasies and daydreams that i play out in my head involving them. It doesn't include me, just them ( or more my idea of them, i should say), and i use things that happen in my real life and kind of filter them through and play them out in these fantasies i have in my head ( i usually have to be listening to music or jumping around when i do this)

I just want to know, is this really about this particular person or is it just something like i don't feel loved by my mother or something Freudian like that. I say this because i find myself wanting to be babied by older women in everyday life. And for them to kind of see me as an endearing little girl and stuff. There was this woman i knew (in her 40s) and i actually once had a dream that i was kissing her, and i played out a little fantasy for awhile in my head of me and her sitting at her house, watching movies and stuff. Well, there's a lot more i could say but i'm sure you get the gist. I'm just wondering do you think this sounds like OCD at all? If not, what else could it be? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Just to be clear, i'm not a dangerous crazy stalker person or anything like that in any way. I just feel very depressed by my obsessions and would like some input or advice. Thankyou again

Hey Me.C,

I can sympathise with you as I was the exact same bar the TV Prog was set in England and I am in Scotland so was not such a major dilemma to move down to the home of the characters.

I think it would be classed as OCD but possibly delusional too as you think you can have a life with this 1 character and or tv cast.

Do you think you could go and see a Doctor/ Family Practioner? Maybe you are needing to tell someone professional about what has been happening to you as suffering from Depression alone is hard without your Obsession added to the mix

I was similar at your age, with the exception of not having a specific celebrity I was focused on. It is all about "you" and your background, not the celebrity; the celebrity is just a focus for you. I lived in a fantasy world of my own making, instead of focusing on someone in the actual world; I didn't really think I had a problem until I was 20, a junior in college, and decided to get rid of the fantasy world and people and that upset me, the characters I had created were too real to me and it made me cry to "get rid" of them?

I started therapy about then, for anxiety. I was a shy child and anxious teen, a bit of a loner, average grades, no real hobbies or interests or special abilities (except, I didn't realize, a great imagination :-) and my mother had died when I was young and my stepmother and I did not work together very well mothering me.

I did a LOT of reading of fantasy/good young adult books and books about young adults and that helped me learn I wasn't so alone, all teens have to figure out various growing up problems and how to get out in the world and be themselves and books like The Last Unicorn, by Peter S. Beagle, and Taran Wanderer, the fourth book in the "Chronicles of Prydain" series by Lloyd Alexander really helped me. Nowadays (I'll be 61 next week :-) I read L. E. Modesitt, Jr.'s series ("The Imager" series and the first half dozen of "The Saga of Recuse" series and most recently, I just started on the "Corean Chronicals" series) and a lot of historical romance novels about young women but it is therapy that really helped me the most.