[emz1]

Sorry if this is long - I have never told anyone about this as I am too ashamed. This is the first time I’m talking about it in some form outside of my head. I don’t know what to do.

Ok so basically I’ve been having these unwanted sexual thoughts since I was quite young and they have ruined half my life. I thought until a few days ago that I was the only one with this and I didn’t know that it’s OCD. I always assumed that my brain was faulty or messed up unlike everyone else.

So yeh I’ve ALWAYS hated these thoughts, they’ve made me think about ending it so many times. I have unwanted sexual thoughts about everyone even relations and different ages, it makes me feel sick to my stomach every single thought, and the more I try to stop thinking about it , the more messed up they become. I sometimes think that no one in the world is as messed up as me and has thought the horrible things I have. My only comfort is that I have NEVER enjoyed any of these thoughts, I’ve hated every single one and I know I would NEVER ever act on them, because I know that’s not who I am .

I know these are just thoughts but it’s ruined half my life. I lose motivation because I feel like I’m a messed up piece of dirt and don’t deserve anything so I end up not doing anything productive.

Even when I’m not having these thoughts (can have weeks and months without them) I find some other anxieties (I have social anxiety as well) or some other worry to ruin my happiness. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me.

The majority of these thoughts are phrases I seem to repeat that disturb me deeply, not really images; I would say 95%words - 5% images. I’ve always been a worrier but can’t stop the anxiety, they seem to be the things that I hate most and disturb me most about society, but I make them worse.

I want to be normal , the sheer fact that this has even happened in my brain makes me want to die allot of the time.

I could never tell my family or friends, I doubt they would understand – they would hear the horrible thoughts and think I was some kind of evil monster even though I have never( or will never) had the urge, want or intention to do any of these things, and they repulse me to my very core. A lot of these messed up things start from ideas from TV or news and I repeat them and make them 10x worse. I WOULD NEVER DO THESE THINGS – and don’t have the desire but these thoughts still come bringing more anxiety and self hatred.

I don’t know if I can ever be ‘normal’ . One other thing – I’m not particularly religious (even though I prayed so much when I was younger for god to take these thoughts away) but karma is- thoughts and actions you do that reflects on your next lives and stuff (I know what it is i just haven’t explained it well lo)l- I hope these thoughts don’t count because they are not wanted, and I hate every single one , so i duno if it counts. I don’t think I’m some kind of crazed sex nut cuz I’ve never like these things , once you let doubt and the possibility of doubt in that makes things a whole lot worse

I’m sorry this was so long- I doubt anyone will even read/bother replying i just need help, and I don’t know what to do

[disturbedboy]

Hello, I completely understand what you are going through as I am going through this as well.. Its hell.. I just want to give up my life sometimes... If you need someone to get these thoughts off your chest, am here for you.. as my thoughts are reaaly disturbing as well and of sexual nature.. maybe knowing that am not alone will help me.. I just wish I will forget about these thoughts but I don't and it is always hunting me.. making my life miserable...

[OCDcatcher]

Unwanted thoughts, regardless of the nature but sexual thoughts are common with OCD, can really really SUCK. Don't let them power of them scare you. You can't control thoughts that come into your head and they are NOT who you are... it sounds like OCD. I take prozac now and I know longer have thoughts that disturb me... oh sure sometimes a sacriligious thought will come in.. like something awful about my religion... but I have learned that it is OCD... there IS a medical reason behind this. The good news is medication is not always necessary! Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schultz I believe his name is... talks about an easy 4 step method to get rid of these thoughts. Reading the book talks about how this cognitive method really can change your brain chemistry and help you from suffering from this. I think one of the biggest things to do is to go to a counselor or psychiatrist to insure it IS ocd. Once you realize its just a hiccup or something in the brain... you can label it as such and move on. It may be the FEAR of the thoughts that is keeping it going. It's important to diagnose what this is... it sure sounds like anxiety which is SO treatable. Never give up! I feel your pain... but there is help!! I wouldn't reply to this if I didn't think so!! Google OCD unwanted thoughts and Im sure you will see a BUNCH of different types of thoughts that go thru ones mind and you are NOT ALONE!!! OCD is very very common... and you are NOT crazy!!!

Please go see a doctor... and get a diagnosis... and try either medication or other therapy whether its behavioral or cognitive. Thoughts would probably be better to treat with self talk and RX but I am not doctor. All I know is I felt like you did... like I wanted to just NOT MOVE... for fear of thoughts... and then I started prozac and and am now free from the power of these thoughts!!! Hope this helps!!

[krazi_kristi]

im going through something similar. the big difference is i mange to get... aroused form my thoughts. theyre not quite as bad as yours, by all accounts theyre mostly just normal fantasizing, except i have them all the time. even when im preoccupied, theyre in the back of my mind. its put a lot of stress on my relationship, and a lot of awkwardness on my interaction.

as for your karma concern, i would see it this way: since you havent given into these horrible thoughts, its wont affect your next life. it sounds like your past incarnation lived a very sexually depraved lifestyle, and now you have to overcome the urges you gave into in your past life. im not sure if i explained that right.

ok lol. lets say in your past life you were "mark". mark did all sorts of horrible sexual things and felt no remorse. so now, "mark" is reincarnated as you, and you have to suffer the thoughts and fantasies "mark" had, but you have to not give in to them. you have to overcome these thoughts.

if im right and thats the case, i would say your karma is through the roof. you say your disgusted by these thoughts, which means you are overcoming them.

as for you think you should die? youre repulsed by these thoughts, which proves you are more human than me. and indeed, i would say you deserve to live because you can still be repulsed by the thoughts. if it was me, i would not last as long or as strongly as you have. i admire you for it

[kaadkamangi]

hey emz1 just to let you know i too have the same problem. i have anxiety issues and these Intrusive thoughts of sexual nature on family, realives and others have been bothering me for quite sometimes now. worse still its clearly manifesting in my eyes i have very creepy eye contact you know like looking at inappropriate places at inappropriate times in full view of others its out of control and it is making my life miserable. for many years now i've been suffering like you i dont think i can tell my family, friends no way and because of this i am losing just few that i have and i dont make friends being ashamed of myself. as far as Krama is concerned mere Thoughts dont amount to Karma eg., Karmendriyas or organs of action are arms, feet, speech, genital and the excretory. mere thoughts will not amount to karma i believe.