I am having really obsessive thoughts :(

I can't stop them. Usually when these start it means I am due for a hospitalization and I really want to avoid it if at all possible, because hospitals traumatize me. But I can't stop obsessing. Over every word I say and everything I do. Over small things. The temperature of my apartment. The length of my dog's nails. Time. Money. Dust. Snags in my carpet. I obsess about the internet. My blog. My facebook wall and pictures. Is everything perfect? The amount of gas in my car. What speed I'm going. I cling on everything that I say. Did I say it right? Did I smile? Did I appear passive? I can't be passive. No you didn't say it right. Shut up, please shut up. Stop thinking about it. You need to stop thinking about it. Lydia, stop thinking about it.

Then I get so anxious and my leg moves 100 mph and I can't sleep and I'm miserable. I end up going mad, and either signing myself in or finally trying to end it and getting put in. I sort of haven't worked a lot in my recovery with my OCD, so any suggestions for me?

Hello LydiaB,

So when you have obsessive thoughts like that, it is a sign of hospitslisation?

Is there something bothering you at this time that can contribute to all that?

Yea, because it makes me go insane. It doesn't stop. And then I think, what about a hospital does make it stop? And I don't know. My medications are rarely ever changed. Maybe because it gives me time to switch between parts. But I know this and I've tried to like lay low for a couple days, but my efforts are worthless. Hospitals are pretty traumatic for me, so I don't know if the trauma of them causes me to switch.

Maybe your medication should be ajusted?

Obviously the hospital fulfills some kind of need. What can you replace it with so you don't require an admission? The place does not seem to be beneficial so why get traumatized all over again? Anyway, hospitals are limited in what they can do.

Perhaps, a medication review should be done or another one added (PRN) to help ease the thoughts.

It could also be stress or even boredom. When I feel overwhelmed or lose my sense of control my obsessiveness intensifies.

I definitely feel a loss of control in my life right now. I just had to quit nursing classes, I have no idea where my brother is on his journey back from Afghanistan and his wife doesn't want to answer questions, my other brother is consistently sending me texts calling me a failure for quitting nursing school. I just rekindled with old friends who all have these great lives now and I'm just here, being sick.

hope you don't have to end up in hospital.

do keep us posted on how you are doing

Hi, I have obsessive thoughts too! I also have delusional thoughts/fears that I obsess over from time to time.
I just try to keep myself busy and focused on external things.

Maybe going to the hospital is just a big change of scenery and a sudden 'shock' to the system because it's a rough transition, that it kind of "resets" the thought processes for a bit?

Yea I think you're right. It really is quite a shock. I hate hospitals. lol. Despise them. People try to get me to calm down. But I am on overdrive. I sign my 72 right away. And spend my entire 72 hours begging the doctor to let me go earlier. They usually let me have a room of my own though because it's such a hard time for me. And then that's sort of a reminder that I never want to go back to one, so I shut up and stop telling anybody what I feel.