[Needin Help]

Woops, I meant to post here, not in "anxiety," anyway, here's my issue...

I feel like my OCPD is going to be the death of me. I started college at 31 and am now 36- and I still have 2 more years before I will get my Bachelor's degree. I have learning disabilities, so I understand that I can't go a the same pace as everyone else, but I can't even manage 3 courses and NO job. I attribute this to my OCPD taking on a life of its own.

I work so hard to complete my assignments, but I seem to never get any of them finished. When it's making a lesson plan (I'm an education major) I can't even make a decision on where subject or grade to focus on, so I usually have my professor pick for me. It helps to have that decision made for me, but then I get so hyper-focused on making the perfect lesson - which would be one that works for all learning styles, abilities, and level of language acquisition. My professors try tell me not to stress over it, but I can't help it. There have even told me they are more concerned that I know how to make a lesson, and less about whether it is perfect, but I can't seem to get my brain to accept doing sub-par work.

I'm so tired of having my professors tell me that I just need prioritize better and make time for schoolwork. They honestly don't believe me when I say that I spend 7 days a week in the library, almost always 7:30am-7:00pm. It's like they can't fathom that somebody could actually spend that much time working on schoolwork, and that doesn't even include the time I spend when I get home.

All of this stress has brought my depression back too, and because the depression has gotten so severe, my therapist is now focusing more on it than the OCPD. I understand her reasoning (trying to keep my suicidal thoughts at bay), but I feel that my depression can't get better to my OCPD is under control. I get my therapy from the Psychology Clinic on campus, so my therapist is a grad student. Each semester I get a new person, but it looks like I will actually have the same person for this coming semester. She's very nice, but she shifts the focus around a lot, so I really never have time to see if a certain approach works. I can't afford to go anywhere else, and I don't want hurt her feelings, but I just feel like it is all so hopeless.

[belledisastre]

I'm honestly so sorry about your OCPD. I have OCD, but I know what it's like for your obsessions to take control of your life like that.
You honestly need to get it through your therapist's head that your OCPD is totally RUINING your life & that's what is mainly causing your depression. Say that you can make time to try to treat your depression, but that you'd like to focus on your OCPD since it is controlling your life. I mean, if you're suffering suicidal thoughts, then it may be a good idea for her to focus on those. But tell her that your OCPD is destroying your life and that you'd like for her to spend more time on that. Tell her that if you focus on those, and minimize your OCPD as much as possible, then your depression might fade a little bit as well. Don't worry about hurting her feelings; I'm sure she has heard a lot worse than just a patient asking her to focus on something.
I honestly wish you the best of luck and I'm sooo sorry that you're going through this. You're in my thoughts.

[Needin Help]

Originally Posted by belledisastre

I'm honestly so sorry about your OCPD. I have OCD, but I know what it's like for your obsessions to take control of your life like that.
You honestly need to get it through your therapist's head that your OCPD is totally RUINING your life & that's what is mainly causing your depression. Say that you can make time to try to treat your depression, but that you'd like to focus on your OCPD since it is controlling your life. I mean, if you're suffering suicidal thoughts, then it may be a good idea for her to focus on those. But tell her that your OCPD is destroying your life and that you'd like for her to spend more time on that. Tell her that if you focus on those, and minimize your OCPD as much as possible, then your depression might fade a little bit as well. Don't worry about hurting her feelings; I'm sure she has heard a lot worse than just a patient asking her to focus on something.
I honestly wish you the best of luck and I'm sooo sorry that you're going through this. You're in my thoughts.

Thanks, I think I definitely need to speak with her. I feel she might be too apprehensive about help me with my OCPD since she is still learning the trade. I'm worried that she doesn't think it's worth her time. I only say that because as much as I say I need help with my perfectionism, I really just wish that the rest of the world would hold themselves to a higher standard. I think that's one of the big differences between OCD and OCPD...those with OCD are able to acknowledge that their obsessions are irrational, or go above a beyond typical worries, but with my OCPD, I honestly don't think that doing something perfect is wrong, in fact, I don't even see it as doing something perfect, I just see at is doing something the way it SHOULD be done (which means to the best of my ability). I do recognize that my perfectionism is the cause of my troubles, but somehow I can't get my brain to accept doing anything less than perfect work, so when the therapist from a previous semester asked me to limit how much time I spent on each slide (of a power point presentation), I wound up with totally incomplete slides - it's like I just can't seem to recognize when I am taking too much time on something. I think that may be why my current therapist has been "ignoring" my OCPD, it's probably not easy for her, or anybody, to think of how to help a person who can't see that what they are doing is unreasonable.

[belledisastre]

I was about to mention the differences between OCD & OCPD like that but I didn't completely know how to describe OCPD, since I haven't gone through it myself and I would guess that it's slightly less common than OCD. :P
I just knew how to describe OCD as people that use their obsessions and compulsions in hopes of ridding themselves of their anxieties, although they know that their acts are unreasonable.
I haven't entered college yet so I don't completely know how it works; is there anyone you can talk to, about getting a therapist more knowledgeable about your personality disorder? Hopefully you can find someone experienced enough about OCPD that they'd know how to successfully treat you, or provide you medication that can help cure you of your desires to do everything perfectly. Be sure to mention your OCPD specifically so that whoever is determining your therapist, can give you the best therapist for you. Hopefully it would seem like you're just being given a new therapist for the new semester, like what would usually happen, so that there's no hurt feelings? If not then tell your therapist that you just need someone that would focus more on your OCPD than your depression, because you know that your depression is caused mainly by your OCPD.
I would also suggest mentioning your disorder to your professors, so that they're a little less harsh on you and less skeptical of you spending so much time doing schoolwork. Mental illness is truly a terrible thing and I just wish you the best in your recovery. :/

[Needin Help]

Originally Posted by belledisastre

I was about to mention the differences between OCD & OCPD like that but I didn't completely know how to describe OCPD, since I haven't gone through it myself and I would guess that it's slightly less common than OCD. :P
I just knew how to describe OCD as people that use their obsessions and compulsions in hopes of ridding themselves of their anxieties, although they know that their acts are unreasonable.
I haven't entered college yet so I don't completely know how it works; is there anyone you can talk to, about getting a therapist more knowledgeable about your personality disorder? Hopefully you can find someone experienced enough about OCPD that they'd know how to successfully treat you, or provide you medication that can help cure you of your desires to do everything perfectly. Be sure to mention your OCPD specifically so that whoever is determining your therapist, can give you the best therapist for you. Hopefully it would seem like you're just being given a new therapist for the new semester, like what would usually happen, so that there's no hurt feelings? If not then tell your therapist that you just need someone that would focus more on your OCPD than your depression, because you know that your depression is caused mainly by your OCPD.
I would also suggest mentioning your disorder to your professors, so that they're a little less harsh on you and less skeptical of you spending so much time doing schoolwork. Mental illness is truly a terrible thing and I just wish you the best in your recovery. :/

Silly me, I should have mentioned that my professors are aware of my issues. I think it's just too hard for them to fully to understand how intense my perfectionism is, and how it's not that easy to just stop.

Unfortunately the previous therapist that I had (who was a great match for me) was assigned to a different department last semester (even though they had assured her, and me, that she would be my therapist for more than one semester), anyway, they assigned me to one of her classmates - but she said she thought it would be a good match, and that she was my best option. You're right though, I definitely need to speak up a little louder so that they listen. I feel blessed that I even have this low-cost option, so I don't want to rock the boat, but I do need to do a better job of advocating for myself.