[neutrino]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum (I wrote a short introduction in the new members forum if you're interested). I've got depression and three anxiety disorders and OCD is one of them. I was diagnosed quite recently and unfortunately no one's really taken the time to talk about my diagnoses with me. I find OCD to be the most confusing one and I'm still not convinced I have it, which is why I want to ask a few questions in this thread. I would really appreciate some help.

The only thing my therapist (who I've seen for three weeks) has told me about my OCD is that he definitely thinks my compulsions are excessive and therefore not "normal" behaviour. He's also told me one doesn't need to have both obsessions and compulsions to have OCD. It's apparently enough to have a lot of excessive compulsions to get the diagnosis. You see, I don't think I experience intrusive thoughts. Well, I do experience intrusive thoughts but perhaps not the sort of intrusive thoughts often associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder. I do, however, carry out a lot of compulsions. For example:

- I need things to look "right" and feel "right" so I very often arrange and organise things. I put things in the "right" angles and I put things in the "right" order etc.
- I avoid stepping on things I have categorised as "uneven" because I don't like feeling uneven. So, if I step on something uneven with one foot I want to step on something uneven with the other foot as well. To make it even.
- I prefer to touch certain things (far from all things) the same amount of times with both hands. If I press a button in the elevator I press it once with my right hand and once with my left hand. If someone gives me a high-five they have to even it out by giving my other hand a high-five as well. Things like that.
- I count steps and a few things I do.
- I read and reread things I write multiple times to avoid any mistakes. I also write and rewrite things which are "uneven". By that I mean that if I for example write a letter which looks different because I've managed to use a different amount of pressure when writing that letter (in comparison to the rest of the text) or if it just looks uneven then I erase it and rewrite it until it looks and feels right, which is annoying.

These are just a few examples. If I don't carry out these compulsions I don't get super anxious. It just feels wrong and I feel like I've got some sort of itch I really want to scratch. I tend to find it a bit difficult to focus until I've decided to carry out some of the compulsions. Others I just do automatically.

I don't want this to be a "do I have OCD"-thread. I've already got the diagnosis. I'm merely wondering if the diagnosis is correct and if it's true one doesn't need to have intrusive thoughts to have OCD. What do you think? Also, can anyone relate to this? Does anyone else have similar compulsions?

Thank you,

neutrino

PS. I understand a moderator or someone has to review what I've written before it's published (since I'm new) and before I can read it again. The fact that I won't be able to read this and check for mistakes over and over again makes me a bit anxious. I've already read this post four times and I still haven't managed to post it.

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

It sounds like a correct diagnosis to me. You did admit to intrusive thoughts, which is it? My intrusive thoughts were not sexual like a lot of people with ocd have. They were other things. I called them "bad thoughts" because they were horrific terrifying scenarios playing out. Like daydreaming almost as real as night dreaming.

[Sayu]

Sounds correct to me as well and reminds me a few of my compulsions:

- When going up/downstairs I often have to stop and think which foot I want to take the next step with.
- I touch random things (which then makes me feel dirty) a LOT.
- I, too, count lots of stuff.
- When I make a mistake (when typing on PC), I have to delete a whole word/several words/whole line/whole sentence and then write it again. Also, when I want to use a dot on the end of the sentence, I always write a comma first, then delete it and then write a dot. I do this automatically now, I don't even think about it anymore.

So yeah, I can see some similarity between a few of my compulsions and the stuff that you wrote... Good luck with your treatment and get better soon! *hug*

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by ocdwifeofsociopath

It sounds like a correct diagnosis to me. You did admit to intrusive thoughts, which is it? My intrusive thoughts were not sexual like a lot of people with ocd have. They were other things. I called them "bad thoughts" because they were horrific terrifying scenarios playing out. Like daydreaming almost as real as night dreaming.

Sorry, perhaps I should've been more specific. I don't experience that kind of intrusive thoughts. When I said I do experience intrusive thoughts I meant anxiety thoughts in general. They're always intrusive. I don't want them but they're there anyway. I don't have any intrusive thoughts about harming other people or any inappropriate sexual thoughts etc. The closest I get to those kind of thoughts is when I sometimes fear I might do something stupid such as jumping out in front of a car when waiting to cross the road or jumping out the window on the 7th floor where I live. But I reckon thoughts like that are pretty normal and I don't dwell on them (though they do scare me sometimes, if only for a short time).

As far as I know I don't have any specific thoughts which make me carry out the compulsions I've got. It's more about a feeling. The feeling of something not feeling quite right. Do you know what I mean?

Originally Posted by Sayu

Sounds correct to me as well and reminds me a few of my compulsions:

- When going up/downstairs I often have to stop and think which foot I want to take the next step with.
- I touch random things (which then makes me feel dirty) a LOT.
- I, too, count lots of stuff.
- When I make a mistake (when typing on PC), I have to delete a whole word/several words/whole line/whole sentence and then write it again. Also, when I want to use a dot on the end of the sentence, I always write a comma first, then delete it and then write a dot. I do this automatically now, I don't even think about it anymore.

So yeah, I can see some similarity between a few of my compulsions and the stuff that you wrote... Good luck with your treatment and get better soon! *hug*

Do you, if I may ask, have obsessions/intrusive thoughts which make you do the compulsions?

Anyway, I guess that I have a mild case of OCD if my diagnosis is correct. My other diagnoses are definitely much worse for me.

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

Yes I do know what you mean. My intrusive thoughts were hardly ever me being the instigator. I know I would never do bad things so that was never a worry. Mine were things I found possible because they do happen...like being one of the victims of a school shooting... Now they are more at home like letting myself get carried away with possibilities of what my husband thinks and feels and acts when i'm not around. When I have anything that makes me scared, worried, anxious, stressed, etc. I feel compelled to do different things, but usually just to get me out of my head. Most of my compulsions are based on feeling like yours. I was once told that if it's not disrupting your life, it's border-line, on the border...I don't believe that for a minute. There are more minor and more major cases for sure though. I have a very extensive list of compulsions and I'm sure there are some i'm not aware of.