False Memory...Feel like I'm going crazy

Long post, but please read. This is reposted from another forum. Need answers because my OCD is going crazy with worrying that I could be going crazy!!

Awhile ago I was feeling guilty for all the compulsive lying I did in middle school. ( I am 21 now so this was about 9 years ago). I was very insecure and did this thing where I made fake social media accounts and talked to others behind pictures of random pretty people I found on the internet. I was young and stupid. I since then deleted all the accounts and have gotten better with the compulsive lying. I still have low-self esteem, and I have the diagnoses listed on the bottom of this post.

Anyway, the other morning I woke up with this vivid memory of me browsing facebook two years ago and coming across an account that I must have forgotten to delete, because it used the same picture I used for one of my other fake accounts. I remember the name of the profile being Jade Rydall. So I clicked on the profile and realized that I didn't remember making any of the posts that were shown on this page's wall- but the profile must have been mine because the location of this profile was in the small town where I was located when I was making these fake accounts, and because it used the same picture that I had used for another fake account. This picture was one only I would have had access to, because the real person the picture was of was someone I added randomly on facebook for the purpose of using their picture, because I thought she was pretty. Also, no one else in my extremely small town was doing this kind of horrible thing at that time except me. Anyway, I saw this Jade person's profile, knew it was fake, knew it was from my town and saw they had talked to people on their wall that I knew, but I had no memory of making it. I really wanted to delete this profile, because I knew it was one I had made back then even though I didn't remember making this particular one. But I couldn't think of any email or password I would have used to make the account, so I never was able to log in and delete it.
That was the extent of my memory.
So recently, as I remembered this randomly one morning just upon waking up, I decided I would go on facebook again, look for that account, and see if I could remember any password I would have put it under so I could delete it and therefore forget about that horrible part of my life. So I went on facebook, searched Jade Rydall, and nothing came up. Hmm. I typed in Jade Rydell, or similar names, just in case I remembered it incorrectly, and nothing came up.
I replayed the whole memory again and the thought popped into my mind "what if I dreamed that whole thing?"
I've never actually remembered something accurately in my sleep, like I seem to have done with this memory... No actual evidence of this profile ever existed... I became so worried I was delusional and going crazy that I sought help immediately.
I told my therapist about it and she said that facebook profiles do not get deleted unless someone reports the account or the user deletes it. I never deleted it, I never reported it, and since the activity on this account would have been about 10 years ago and I "remember" viewing it 2 years ago still, I doubt anyone else would have realized it was fake and reported it so recently. So she concluded that she thought it must have been a very vivid dream, since I have been having tons of vivid dreams lately. There was nothing bizarre in the dream I would have been able to look at the scenario and say "not real", and also it tied so perfectly in with life events that actually happened to me, such as the same picture as my other fake accounts, it being located in my hometown, etc., So she ultimately thought I suffered from OCD and also a depersonalization episode..not psychosis.
But a few weeks passed and I couldn't stop thinking about it. My OCD wouldn't let it go because it felt like such a real memory and I couldn't stop worrying I was going crazy because I honestly didn't know if it was real or if it was a dream. I realized there was one more thing I could do: I could check my facebook search history. It would show me any profile I was on, and if I really did see this profile, it would show up on there.
I searched by facebook history for exactly 2 years ago and there was the name "Jade Maydall" on there, in between two other names that I am familiar with. The other 2 names showed up as links to the person's profile, and the Jade name had no link, it just showed that I had typed it in. So wtf am I supposed to think now? I do not know anyone named Jade except in this inaccurate memory/dream. If there was a profile, it was deleted by now. If there was never a profile, then it's a freaky coincidence.
My therapist does not find it concerning and has not changed my diagnosis to anything related to psychosis, but I am having so much trouble discerning whether this is a real memory or a dream. I feel like I should know!

Does anyone have any advice or help to offer me? My OCD is running rampant over this

Hello. I can relate a lot to what you have said. My "dreams" feel so real that some parts of my memory I can't decipher what is and is not real.

Much of my memory problems were when talking to someone about something. The things were very important I remember. But I couldn't tell what part was actually real and I made up. It became so confusing that I decided not to ask anyone about the topic because I didn't know what was actually talked about and wasn't.

I did, when it first happened, I thought I was, in fact, going "crazy". I thought I was starting to develop schizophrenia when it first happened. I know now that it's 100% not schizophrenia. Not that anyone told me, but I know because it was just this one main thing that it was impacting. I feel like these episodes that happen to OCD sufferers are why OCD and schizophrenia are common to be found with each other.

What I have done now is I stopped trying to fuel the fire. At times, I just ask the people around me if what happened was real or not real. It helps at times. I feel so lost so many times. The "dream" overlapped what actually happened (me) or it filled in two pieces that weren't connected before. The question I asked myself was "is trying to remember this one event going to help me in the future or not?" The answer is "not". That is the same question for you. "Is this Jade person that you created coming up in your life right now going to help you in the future or not?" I hope your answer is not. If this spreads to other places, just ask people what was said or this was real or not. I have troubles distinguishing between real and not because my mind will play a negative spin against reality for me. I know because I made a journal, and I wrote down exactly what was said that day, and if you asked me a month later, the words said became even more negative.

I know I made this sound super easy, but it isn't for sure. My mind plays tricks on me, confuses me. I am very unsure of many things. I keep certain things in check with other people. And don't tell yourself that you should know. It's not going to help. I told myself that too when this first "episode" happened a year ago. I said I should know what is real, and became angrier at myself.

Do something distracting. For me, which I hope this doesn't happen to you, this stress was replaced by another, and this was "forgotten", but never gone. But it helped for this anyways. Hope this helps .

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

Thank you so much!! This is extremely helpful. I'm glad to know I'm not alone!

I would treat it as a dream and go back to when you did the remembering and see what was going on in your life that particular week that you dreamed that dream? Were you watching any TV shows (MTV's "Catfish," for example) that might have triggered it or have you had any other dreams on the subject, just not that vivid? The Rydall name reminds me of Rydel High School and "Grease", maybe you were watching Grease and just remembering your school days and wishing they had been different or something? It could be a wealth of information, as a dream, to help you with your current struggles.

I was thinking that, about Rydell high too. I wasn't watching Grease and I hadn't had any dreams about this particular thing. But I was thinking about all the fake accounts i made and how bad I felt for doing it before I went to bed that night!! That's why when I woke up and had this memory, it felt like I was just remembering one more of them.
Thanks for your help!

I have had dreams that I could swear was either a dream from weeks ago, or something that has happened some time ago. But the more I think of it I realize I just recently dreamt it because I had no memory of it in the past. So I have a dream plus time distortion that puts the dream back in time. It is freaky as hell because it really feels like it happened a while ago.

This makes sense! Is it a part of OCD for you?

I'm still obsessing about this whole thing

I always assumed it was "normal", maybe part of a sleep disorder or part of how I make memories.

When I obsess about things (this particular thing I haven't done in a long time though, an example), it is something I know in theory but I do not know emotionally. Like I saw myself turning off the stove but it's like the emotion, what makes it true, didn't really follow. In theory being sane, emotions being "insane".

But when you say it like that there IS a similarity. The memory thing is also a split between what I know in theory and what I know by emotion.