[sinking]

Since about this february, i've been having these "flashes" (seeing pics or short films in my head) where i see myself doing something extremely violent mostly to myself but sometimes even to others.

Pdocs have talked about INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS.

i've read they are typically associated to OCD and thats why im posting it here. i hope its the right forum for this. anyway,

i agree with the fact that they come involuntarily, but even though they are violent and sometimes shock me, I WANT THEM.

they HELP me feeling less ALONE, help me EXPRESSING negative emotions, and show me THE WAY, and what i HAVE and WANT to do, so they are not unwanted! I WANT THEM!!!

how can the two match?
being involuntary but wanted?

and am i sick for wanting them? and missing them when meds make them go away?

what is this?
any opinion is greatly appreciated. im SO confused. thanks.

PS. TOMORROW I HAVE T SESSION AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

[Skeezyks]

Hi sinking: Well... as far as your appointment tomorrow goes, from my perspective, the guiding principle is simply to be as forthcoming as possible. The more you are able to share with your T, the better that person will be able to help you. (But then you undoubtedly know that.) So, anyway, I would say just tell your T what is on your mind as much as you feel you can.

You know... the mind is a complicated thing. I don't think it is unusual for a person to want to have thoughts that society as a whole might consider to be shocking. I have them. I suspect almost everyone does to one degree or another. It's just that we don't talk about them IRL... mostly because we'd be embarrassed. And as long as we don't act on them, where's the harm? It's like is said regarding meditation practice. Whatever comes up in meditation practice is okay. Or, like the old saying goes: "... if you don't mind... it doesn't matter." As long as you're not disturbed by your thoughts, it's okay. They only become a problem if-&-when they begin to bother you... or if you begin to feel that you must act on them. At least these are my thoughts...

[sinking]

Yes, sometimes they are a problem
Yes sometimes i feel the impulse to act on them
And even want to....
I welcome them, fantasize about them want them to become real even if i know it would be wrong

[sinking]

I'll try to talk as much as i can but words arent enough...

[avlady]

i agree with if you don't act on them, but you must watch for that.i have these intrusive thoughts too to the point where i can't stand it anymore. i'm on 8 meds and i still get them.let me know what you think.

[sinking]

I went at the MHC today and they injected me Xeplion. but its effects are expected to be seen in months, so for now theres nothing i can do except medicating myself with pills and alcohol. talking doesnt help anymore...

[derekgraham78]

Originally Posted by sinking

Since about this february, i've been having these "flashes" (seeing pics or short films in my head) where i see myself doing something extremely violent mostly to myself but sometimes even to others.

Pdocs have talked about INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS.

i've read they are typically associated to OCD and thats why im posting it here. i hope its the right forum for this. anyway,

i agree with the fact that they come involuntarily, but even though they are violent and sometimes shock me, I WANT THEM.

they HELP me feeling less ALONE, help me EXPRESSING negative emotions, and show me THE WAY, and what i HAVE and WANT to do, so they are not unwanted! I WANT THEM!!!

how can the two match?
being involuntary but wanted?

and am i sick for wanting them? and missing them when meds make them go away?

what is this?
any opinion is greatly appreciated. im SO confused. thanks.

PS. TOMORROW I HAVE T SESSION AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I myself have these, but mine are always of hurting other people, real people in my life. For instance a neighbor of mine who was helping me get my car battery fixed on a old car I used to own I had visions in my head of taking a wrench and beating his brain in with it. He did nothing wrong to me and was just being friendly but in my mind I was going to severely beat him up. I personally didn't want to and never did act on it but it scares me when I have these...

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[Lazarus16]

I think it has to do with bipolarity, ocd and maybe multiple personalities. You see, I talk to myself and I DO believe most people talk to themselves but I talk to my ''child'' self, quite often. I can't confirm if that's ''normal'' but I reassure him when he's afraid and but he doesn't answer back so what I do might not be as ''normal'' as I think it is. XD

Then I have these thoughts where I'll see my friends and say ''I'm happy to see you'' but in my head it says ''you're a fa****!!'' and obviously, I don't truly think that but it makes me laugh a lot and I have to find excuses as to why I was laughing. ^^' When people are charismatic, I tend to think bad things about them even if in reality, I admire them. Or I keep hearing swear words in my head and have to say them, though it's not as worse as before. I might have had tourettes because in my childhood, I had this uncontrollable urge to imitate animals and screaming ''EEEEKKK'' or ''OAAAKKK'' or ''AS*'' very often.

The worst of them all though, is when I see hot girls at the gym and they seems so sweet but I have these really obscene sexual thoughts about doing this or that to them, it freightens me because I'm not like this in real life (I'm shy and very kind) and I don't understand why I'm so psychotic in my head. I'll think about what I'd do, laugh and feel like I'm in control of god know what. I think it's mania but I can't confirm. Maybe it frustrates me to not be able to have relationships because of my shyness so my mind go loose to fill the void. That would make sense, right?