[defyinggravity65]

I have ocd (pure o), severe GAD, and mild depression. Lately I have been experiencing extreme and almost unbearable guilt over things I have done in the past. For example, when I was in high school i was a compulsive liar and have recovered about 95% after feeling sorry for what I did and trying to change. Once in awhile a lie still almost unconsciously slips out of my mouth but it's always about something irrelevant. I want to be compLately rid of that behavior though, and am really trying. Something else I have been obsessing about is how last fall I began feeling extremely dizzy felt sick 24/7, did some "research" online and I self diagnosed myself with a health condition called POTS. I truly believed I had it and all my symptoms matched 100%. It was a horribly scary time for me. I moved home and lived with my parents for 2 months because i though my POTS would get so severe that I would start fainting all the time (a severe symptom of the disorder). I demanded to be pushed around in a wheelchair because I was terridied of the horrible dizziness and so afraid of fainting. Whenever my parents made me stand, I would exaggerate my symptoms because I was afraid they would see that my wheelchair was just a security blanket and make me walk without it (something I was terrified to do). However with my history of lying I became worried that I was just acting sick for the attention. I do admit, I did like the attention. It was so comforting when I was scared. Every specialist I saw did confirm that I had POTS. But I gradually became aware that all (or for sure most) of what I was experiencing was anxiety and felt even worse. I became agoraphobic too, and used the excuse of being dizzy to avoid going to stores I was afraid of. I caused my parents such excess worry and I already apologized to them a million times. I feel like such a horrible person, 7 months later and I'm pretty sure all the symptoms I had of POTS were anxiety and can't believe myself.

[defyinggravity65]

Note: my doctors know about my anxiety problems now, they all still feel I had some aspects of POTS condition going on, but I am 95% it was all anxiety. When I first thought I had POTS, all my symptoms were very real and it was horrifying, then as I became aware of my dizziness going away I started to exaggerate my symptoms to avoid going back to regular life, because I was scared. But I am also scared I was doing it for attention. The fact that I would exaggerate my symtpoms for any reason sickens me!! My family has moved on and told me not to worry about this all, but I can't stop obsessing and feeling guilty.

[MusicLover82]

Do you see a psychiatrist or just a GP? I would see a psychiatrist if I were you if you don't already. You would possibly benefit from more than just one medication if you are only taking one and still having such terrible symptoms. Also, do you see a therapist? I think you would benefit from therapy as well.

The types of medications that have helped prevent my severe anxiety the most were antidepressants (for a while until they made my bipolar worse) and now antipsychotics such as Latuda and Abilify. You may want to talk to your doctor about trying something like that, which could prevent your anxiety in the first place if they are the right medication for you.

If you are already seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, make sure they know about all your symptoms so you can be properly treated. I hope you start feeling better soon!!

[MusicLover82]

P.S. One thing that helps my obsession a LOT is the supplement NAC (as recommended by my psychiatrist). I take 2,000-3,000 mg a day.

[defyinggravity65]

Thanks, I have been in and out of therapy but never find that it benefits me very much. I just have lorazepam that I only take when the anxiety gets too bad, and all other medications scare me because of the initial side effects that I get