[Maven]

Hi, all. Those who remember me, sorry it's taken me so long to get back, and those of you who don't know me, hello!

I just had my phone not working right after a possible update, so I had to do a factory reset. Lost a lot of stuff. 😠

I am living in a hell of a situation. Hoarding might be part of it, but I think it's a completely different thing for my problems. Trash everywhere is the problem. It started out with me not being able to pick things up that I dropped or that fell into the floor (because of my OCD), but it became dangerous to walk into the kitchen where the trash container is, so laziness settled in. You would never know that I have contamination OCD if you saw the house.

It wasn't all my fault; my boyfriend contributed, too. He grew up in a messy home, possibly a hoarding situation. We're trying to get things cleaned up, but I'd rather hire someone who will respect my OCD issues to do it, because it could be done so much faster and relax my mind a bit.

I can't do much with the cleaning, because of the nature of my OCD and because I'm morbidly obese and out of shape. I mostly handle putting things that aren't trash or "dirty" in bins, and I'll have a lot of dusting to do when it's almost all over.

We now need a repairman for our heater, so that's gotten my boyfriend finding energy to get more done. It's only when something is important to him that things get done. I appreciate his help, but I hate that it's only when he has to deal with something that he does it.

Them there's the cats. I'm not going to get into that much right now, but do know I love them, and we're trying to make a better home for them, and we may have to give some up, in doing what's best for them. All I want is for them to be healthy and happy. I never should have fed those first cats. And with winter coming, it's all that much harder. I don't tolerate the cold well, and got pneumonia a month after my mom died in 2014. I'll discuss
he cats in future posts.

I have more updates, but I'll stop here for now. All I'm asking is to let me vent from time to time and please let me words of encouragement and support. I don't need anyone telling me what a horrible mess my home is in (I might take some photos to show you). I'm already aware, and don't need more criticism.

[Angelique67]

Hi, Maven! I'm so glad to see you again. My mess got packed up into cartons. But my friend did it while I was inpatient last April. I want to peek into some of these boxes and rescue things I'd like to keep.

Do you think you could trust someone to pack most of your things without your participation?

I'm very glad you came back.

[Maven]

Hi, Anneliese! I don't blame you, wanting to go through those boxes. I don't trust anybody to go through my stuff, and the biggest reason is, I don't like other people touching my stuff. It can make me feel the item(s) is(/are) contaminated. I don't mean I think I'll get a disease from it, but I don't want to touch it again.

My boyfriend did a good job so far in the kitchen, but he said it'll probably be a couple of days before he can get the house clean enough for a repairman to come fix our heater. He's telling me I should get an extra sheet to keep warm until then. I wish he'd told me that while I was out, because I could have gotten it then, but that's ok.

It's a big plan, but I want one day to just go through my bins and sort everything out and organize it.

Hope you're doing OK. Wish I was, but we're moving slowly in that direction.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Maven

Hi, Anneliese! I don't blame you, wanting to go through those boxes. I don't trust anybody to go through my stuff, and the biggest reason is, I don't like other people touching my stuff. It can make me feel the item(s) is(/are) contaminated. I don't mean I think I'll get a disease from it, but I don't want to touch it again.

My boyfriend did a good job so far in the kitchen, but he said it'll probably be a couple of days before he can get the house clean enough for a repairman to come fix our heater. He's telling me I should get an extra sheet to keep warm until then. I wish he'd told me that while I was out, because I could have gotten it then, but that's ok.

It's a big plan, but I want one day to just go through my bins and sort everything out and organize it.

Hope you're doing OK. Wish I was, but we're moving slowly in that direction.

I hope you'll be able to get your heater fixed asap! I dread all the days when the winter wind blows through the closed windows here and I'll be freezing my butt off.

I hate winter. I can't go walking in the snow ever again, I guess. It is frightening how much my body has broken down the past 6 to 12 months. I must get some strength back.

I know how you feel about the objects other people touch as contaminated. I had the worst such feeling about my musical instruments. (Guitar & synthesizers)

I guess I should be peeking into every carton for the stuff I'd like to rescue because I'm pretty sure I'll never want the stuff I put in storage ever again. My friend remarked on how much spider activity was going on in my storage space and now I'm afraid to retrieve my favorite things that are there. So I might as well check the boxes that haven't been taken there yet. I wish he hadn't told me about the spiders. 😣😫😥

I hope you'll be able to get more done. Does it help to give yourself little "do by" dates? Like "by December 30th, I'll do [a certain room or pile]"? For me, it's a matter of muscles because I can't shift the cartons around to be able to see what's in them. But if I give myself a do by date, I'll get increasing anxiety, and either finish much sooner, or let it go entirely.

Sending you lots of hugs, my friend! ((((( Maven )))))

[Maven]

Angelique (I don't know why it auto-corrected your name incorrectly above, sorry about that), I hate winter, too. I hate the cold, the mess, the danger!

Sorry about the spider situation. I never thought of that. I hope it's not happening in my storage unit. There are a spider killing sprays you can get, if that would help you.

In my room and around the house, there are a lot of spiders. I hate them being around my stuff and me. There's a show in the UK or England called "Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners" you can see on YouTube. In one episode, this guy is letting the cleaners clean his house, but he doesn't want them to touch the spiders and their dusty webs. He said it gives the house character! I don't want that kind of character in my home, lol!

Would nitrile gloves make it easier for you to touch the boxes? I don't think a "do by" date would work for me, because I have to rely on my boyfriend to get the cleanup done so I can focus on what needs doing in my room for me to get back to "normal," which isn't normal at all.

Hugs to you, too!

[Angelique67]

Yes, I have a box of plastic gloves haha. It sounds like you aren't very bothered by spiders, which I wish I were not too. I go into terrible panics at the sight of a spider. That man on the
program - I can't! Lol, I wish I could send my spiders there!

I know what you mean about not being able to do the do lists because,of needing help. It took a lot of time for my friend to finish packing here while I was inpatient last April. The issues with moving are greater expense and being unable to move again.

I don't know how I got so messed up but I think it was gradual. And not catching up with it soon enough. Oh, my best friend had died - I started losing a lot of everything except weight.

I hope your friend will be able to help more.

[Maven]

I'm sorry things are so hard for you. Spiders bother my OCD, but I'm not really fearful of them. I think my issues were gradual, too.

How awful to lose a friend that way! May I ask what happened?

I will try to post a longer response later. I'm at dinner.

[Angelique67]

No sweat on when or if you post back, enjoy your dinner!

My friend died from AIDS. It was in the late 1980's. I miss him so much. We were best friends since we were 7 years old.

[Maven]

I'm so sorry! Kids today don't take AIDS too seriously, since there are better medications now, but it's still something to avoid.

I've been depressed a long time now. My bedroom is a mess, and I bought a computer two years ago, and only got to use it a handful of times. Everything has to be cleaned and dusted. If I'd known I wouldn't be able to use my computer for all this time, I'd have waited to buy it. It really upsets me.

My boyfriend did some cleaning in the kitchen, but he's slowed down and has been researching how he might fix the heater itself. Then he won't be under such pressure to get it done within a certain amount of time. I want things cleaned and back to normal, but most importantly, my room.

I have an appointment with a new psychologist tomorrow. I hope she can help me. I still have a psychiatrist, as well.

I still can't believe we're in this mess.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Maven

I'm so sorry! Kids today don't take AIDS too seriously, since there are better medications now, but it's still something to avoid.

I've been depressed a long time now. My bedroom is a mess, and I bought a computer two years ago, and only got to use it a handful of times. Everything has to be cleaned and dusted. If I'd known I wouldn't be able to use my computer for all this time, I'd have waited to buy it. It really upsets me.

My boyfriend did some cleaning in the kitchen, but he's slowed down and has been researching how he might fix the heater itself. Then he won't be under such pressure to get it done within a certain amount of time. I want things cleaned and back to normal, but most importantly, my room.

I have an appointment with a new psychologist tomorrow. I hope she can help me. I still have a psychiatrist, as well.

I still can't believe we're in this mess.

I can believe it because I've been in a mess for so long too. But it can change at anytime. Maybe you could set aside a weekend where your bf could help you start? Now that you'll have a psychologist I really hope it starts your pathway to change. And if your bf does set aside a weekend, try to thank him with something special, like a restaurant evening, or whatever he likes. I know this is just common sense but it's hard to ask for help when you aren't sure what success looks like anymore.

Seeing my friend suffering was horrible. No sooner did he die than they began giving meds that worked and saved so many people. He didn't have that luck. He kept getting sick from things other people could recover from. I was in denial and he was too. We were talking about him going to law school. He wasn't sure it would be the best thing, but he was all fired up when we talked about it. Sorry, I'm rambling on. Yes, kids today should remember that it's a heavy sentence and not poopoo the consequences.

[Maven]

My boyfriend usually works seven days a week lately. I can't pick up the trash myself (that's why it didn't get picked up in the first place) because touching any of it, even just with my hand, would mean I'm dirty all over (especially because dust scatters) and would need to do washing rituals and showering.

What I do as things become possible, is decide what goes into bins and how to organize.

So many good people were lost in the 80s. I'm sure your friend would have made a great lawyer.

I'm just sitting in my car, killing time on my phone before I go home. Don't want to go too early, because the only things I can do are pet our cats and bird, give them treats, and go to bed. Cats ruined the couch, so my boyfriend has a plan to fix it up so we can sit on it again (which makes it easier to pet the cats and give them more attention), eventually.

We also don't have TV service anymore. My boyfriend said the antenna got out of alignment during some bad weather this past summer, and he isn't subscribed to it anymore, I don't think, because he wants to switch to Comcast. He'd like to get Verizon FIOS, but they don't offer it in our area. So, I'm missing all my favorite shows, and I'll have to catch up when I can. I mostly watch YouTube videos right now.

[Maven]

I don't know why that posted twice.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Maven

I don't know why that posted twice.

Everything I've been seeing on Tapatalk is duplicate posts too. It must be a Tapatalk bug. :/

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Maven

My boyfriend usually works seven days a week lately. I can't pick up the trash myself (that's why it didn't get picked up in the first place) because touching any of it, even just with my hand, would mean I'm dirty all over (especially because dust scatters) and would need to do washing rituals and showering.

What I do as things become possible, is decide what goes into bins and how to organize.

So many good people were lost in the 80s. I'm sure your friend would have made a great lawyer.

I'm just sitting in my car, killing time on my phone before I go home. Don't want to go too early, because the only things I can do are pet our cats and bird, give them treats, and go to bed. Cats ruined the couch, so my boyfriend has a plan to fix it up so we can sit on it again (which makes it easier to pet the cats and give them more attention), eventually.

We also don't have TV service anymore. My boyfriend said the antenna got out of alignment during some bad weather this past summer, and he isn't subscribed to it anymore, I don't think, because he wants to switch to Comcast. He'd like to get Verizon FIOS, but they don't offer it in our area. So, I'm missing all my favorite shows, and I'll have to catch up when I can. I mostly watch YouTube videos right now.

I keep thinking it's time to cancel the cable because the cost is insane. Cable TV should be free, because we are paying companies to advertise to us. The companies who pay for access to our time should be paying for our attention.

I like having cable, and quitting it will not be without a lot of changes, both internal and external. I don't have the courage right now for a drastic change.

[Maven]

So right!

[Maven]

I was on my way home, when I turned too sharply, I guess, and blew a tire. I really don't need this crap!

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Maven

I was on my way home, when I turned too sharply, I guess, and blew a tire. I really don't need this crap!

Oh I'm so glad you're safe. 😱

[88Butterfly88]

Hi Maven,

Here to cheer you on. I'm not a big time hoarder but have OCD and I've been holding onto some empty deodorant bottles. Hope you were able to fix the tire.

[Maven]

Yeah, I was... But while sitting in the car with my hazard lights on, I found my car wouldn't start... Because the hazards use up battery power... Later, found the radio isn't working - - and I NEED my radio! But I'm ok, at least.

[Maven]

I should correct something... The tire couldn't be fixed... I had to get a new one. But it's ok.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Maven

I should correct something... The tire couldn't be fixed... I had to get a new one. But it's ok.

I trust things like new anything for a car. It's one less thing to worry about, even if the food menu is kind of sparse for a week. But I don't have a car.

I'm noticing more and more how truly and completely I don't want to go outside.

[Maven]

Funny you should say that... I just told my boyfriend I want to go out less, now that winter is almost here, and asked him to take care of the cats outside. I was surprised he said yes to that. I just feel bad because I know he won't give them a much food as I will, but I can't take these temperatures, and I have to be extra careful because I've had pneumonia before, and I hate the hospital.

He says the cats drink most of the water I give them, and that's why I find only about an inch of water the next day. I pour a whole 1.5 liter of water in the bowl... I don't believe him. Other, older bowls of water remain untouched. I put that much water especially because it'll take longer to freeze. I'm really ticked off he does that and lies to me about it.

[Maven]

With the cold weather, neither do I. I am so depressed, but I won't get into it now. I have to go to the dentist today, and I really don't want to go. It's only a cleaning, but I have a broken tooth the dentist needs to take a look at.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Maven

With the cold weather, neither do I. I am so depressed, but I won't get into it now. I have to go to the dentist today, and I really don't want to go. It's only a cleaning, but I have a broken tooth the dentist needs to take a look at.

Oh no. Well, best of luck at the dentist for a calm and peaceful appointment today.

I can definitely relate to how you feel. Unfortunately, I let things drag on for so long that I'm going to be toothless soon. The thought of it fills me with panic and grief. So, an appointment at the dentist before things go so wrong, I hope you will have a great prognosis for your dental situation.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Maven

Funny you should say that... I just told my boyfriend I want to go out less, now that winter is almost here, and asked him to take care of the cats outside. I was surprised he said yes to that. I just feel bad because I know he won't give them a much food as I will, but I can't take these temperatures, and I have to be extra careful because I've had pneumonia before, and I hate the hospital.

He says the cats drink most of the water I give them, and that's why I find only about an inch of water the next day. I pour a whole 1.5 liter of water in the bowl... I don't believe him. Other, older bowls of water remain untouched. I put that much water especially because it'll take longer to freeze. I'm really ticked off he does that and lies to me about it.

Do you think you could set up a camera for a 24 hour period to see if the cats are drinking all their water from that one bowl? Maybe they are. I remember, when I had more than one cat, there were all kinds of struggles over who was "winning" at the food dishes. It wasn't my one beloved cat, but the other cat who bullied her. When I gave the bully back to the lady I had gotten him from, my beloved cat perked up quickly and became my wonderful cat again. So, not to say that's going on, but there can be weird things happening with the food and water situation. I hope you'll have good luck with seeing what's going on with the cats and all the water.