[yanbut]

So I've always been a fairly anxious, obsessive kind of person - very unremarkable in itself, I know - but very recently I've begun wondering if it's something more, for various reasons. However, I'm also very nervous about consulting a doctor: I don't want to waste their time just because I'm determined to find something wrong with me.

My primary reason for suspecting the condition (or something similar) is a lot of intense intrusive thoughts about my relationship. In fact, I only researched OCD in the first place because other conditions suggested by friends didn't seem to fit, and I'm convinced my mother has OCD: and the parts regarding intrusive thoughts in relationships really resonated. I'd just assumed I was a horrible, obsessive, crazy girlfriend before, I'd not attributed it to mental health. My younger sister also does have trichotillomania, so I feel it isn't entirely implausible, at least at a genetic level? I've had (different) issues before.

Anyway, my relationship. It's been more than two years, and it's great. Very comfortable, very loving. When I'm feeling myself it's pretty much perfect (as much as anything can be). However, every few weeks - it's been a pretty constant cycle since me and my partner got together - I build up these horrible worries that I can't shake. They range from me being convinced that I'm being too annoying/clingy/intense and he's going to leave me, to me thinking I'm emotionally manipulating him and forcing him to stay. I've been worried that he only likes me because I'm convenient sex, or that I only like him because he's a nice anchor-point against my more tumultuous emotions, and that actually we have very little in common. It's really all sorts; this barely scratches the surface. We don't live together, and sometimes I'm able to wait once the thoughts reach fever-pitch, but often I've gone over to his house, sometimes very late at night, because I need the reassurance right then. I often write long 'letters' to him about it, so that I can ensure I get everything out, which I will then show him. He is always incredibly tolerant and understanding, he reassures me, and he will generally agree to make any changes that I think I need at the time.

The trouble is, of course, is that the more I need these reassurances, the more I feel like the crazy girlfriend I'm trying really hard not to be, so it's a vicious cycle.

Now, regarding seeking medical advice. I was planning on making a doctors' appointment and explaining all this to my GP and seeing what they say, but I'm really scared they won't think that it's remotely significant. Plus, I do feel a little like I'm a teenager asking for advice about boy troubles. It also doesn't help that I'm currently in one of the nice parts of the cycle: I got very worked up after Christmas during which I became convinced he was going to leave me, but following a good chat/cry with him I'm feeling happy again. The one trouble with this is that a) I don't want to wish it back and b) it kind of feels a bit fake now I'm not feeling it anymore.

Any advice/reassurances/similar experiences?

[Skeezyks]

Hello yanbut: Thanks for sharing your concerns. My thinking with regard to this is that your first step ought to be seeing a mental health therapist. GP's, for the most part, aren't trained in mental health issues, & don't really have the time, or often the interest, to deal with them. The alternative is to try to get in to see a psychiatrist in order to receive a prescription for a psych med. However, from my perspective, I think talking this through with a skilled therapist would be the best way to begin, if this is a service you can access where you live.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[MusicLover82]

If you do have OCD, it sounds like your compulsion is the same as mine: to seek reassurance. In behavioral therapy, people with OCD are often taught NOT to follow through with compulsions (not to seek reassurance, in this case) in order to make the obsessions less strong. At first it is hard and will make the anxiety worse, but after time, you'll learn to stop talking about your irrational concerns and push them more to the back of your mind and brush them away (where they belong, because they are irrational and not of you, but an OCD thought). Does that make sense? I hope this helps. You can learn more about this with a therapist. The book that teaches this type of behavioral therapy is called The OCD Workbook by Bruce Hyman and Charlene Pedrick.

Additionally, if you are diagnosed with OCD, your psychiatrist may try you on an SSRI (antidepressant) drug, which can help. Sometimes the medications work temporarily and you may have some trouble again and have to switch meds. That's from my experience, but everyone is different. I have a friend who has done well for years on medication with only having to switch one time.

Above all, realize there is hope for managing this illness if you have it. Try not to feed the anxiety and worry by talking about your concerns and seeking reassurance. Talk about happy things, focus on the good in life. Get lots of exercise. Try those things until you can see a doctor. HUGS!!!

[yanbut]

Thank you for replying! You were both really helpful and i have since booked an appointment (despite feeling horrifically nervous that I'm just overdramatic and making it all up) so hopefully that'll help resolve things however the professionals think they need resolving ��

It is also very reassuring to hear of similar experiences, much as I wouldn't wish any kind of mental health difficulty on anyone.

Also, regardless of whether my thing is *real*, do you find yourself doubting your condition(s) if you happen to feel ok for a bit?

[MusicLover82]

Originally Posted by yanbut

Thank you for replying! You were both really helpful and i have since booked an appointment (despite feeling horrifically nervous that I'm just overdramatic and making it all up) so hopefully that'll help resolve things however the professionals think they need resolving ��

It is also very reassuring to hear of similar experiences, much as I wouldn't wish any kind of mental health difficulty on anyone.

Also, regardless of whether my thing is *real*, do you find yourself doubting your condition(s) if you happen to feel ok for a bit?

Sometimes I question my diagnoses, but not often. I often experience symptoms, albeit more mild due to the medications I take. I'm glad I have a good psychiatrist. Because of my treatment, I am able to live a mostly normal life and work full-time.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

I can most definitely relate. OCD is one of the few conditions I have not been dxd with.. but I have some traits intrusive obsessive thoughts implusive/compulsive self sabotaging behaviours and SI(derma in my case) . The behavior you describe in your relationship is similar to intense feeling I get..I was dxd with Borderline PD..because of this behaviors and thoughts. Many conditions have similar and overlapping traits so it would be best to consult a mental health professional especially if you feel out of control and/or your daily life functioning is become more difficult because of your symptoms
Hope you find some relief soon.
Be Well and Keep Writing!
- LITW

[yanbut]

Yeah, definitely. To be honest, I'm half regretting coming up with my own theory first because I'm wondering how much of my symptoms I'm twisting to fit into my theory or even if I'm now deliberately feeling more anxious and seeking reassurance to "prove" my problem before I see the doctor.

Ha, fun times!

[rosepetalbeach]

Hello! I've been throught identical things. Do you usually have like "voices" in your head telling you that you don't love your boyfriend even though you know that you love him dearly? It's been happening to me and I feel awful...