Hocd for 13 years want it gone please help

I've had what I think is hocd since I was 17 and now I'm 30 and have missed out on everything and i feel like I will never have the life I wanted. All I ever wanted was a boyfriend and all I got was rejection from the guys I liked then came hocd out of nowhere and the thoughts stuck and I've been suffering from then on.Im agoraphobic too afraid to be around anyone worry I like every girl I see when I know I don't. The groinal response never went away. I haven't liked a guy in years at least not the way I used to before this happened. Hocd took away everything that made me happy and I feel it will never be the same. I been to a few therapist and tried meds useless and I have a good therapist that I like now but he doesn't understand hocd and he is helping in other ways I don't have any other therapist to go to and I like him. I feel hocd started all my other problems and I want to get rid of it. I have to do it myself. Anyone have any techniques of self help books I could use I need to get rid of this or I'm never gonna have a life and I need help it's been an nightmare. I'm worried it will never go away and I will never be the same again

I assume by hocd, you mean homosexual OCD? I have not been through this personally, but I have been through harm OCD - intrusive thoughts about killing others. I will share what worked with me - doing exposure therapy with my therapist. We would meditate in his office and I was to let all my thoughts flow by like a river, not reacting to them, just noticing them and allowing them to go by.

You see, when we try to push unwanted thoughts away, they will come back stronger. If I told you to NOT think about PINK ELEPHANTS, well there's a decent chance you're thinking of pink elephants. It's a silly example but it's true. As we allow ourselves to experience these intrusive thoughts and how they make us feel mentally and physically, these thoughts will lose their strength. It is very difficult to sit with these horrifying/embarrassing thoughts, but soon the anxiety surrounding them goes away.

My therapist don't do stuff like that. I have tried to do things like that but it never works. I've been dealing with this for a long time and it ruining my life.

Would you be willing to try exposure therapy by yourself? Allowing yourself to think whatever thoughts come to mind, no matter how awful they may be to experience. It is torture at first but eventually you will come to realize that these thoughts are no different than any other thoughts. Just sit in a relaxing place or lay down on your bed, close your eyes, focus on breathing deeply and let whatever thoughts flow by like a river. Maybe you won't be able to do it long for the first time, that's OK. Keep at it. Also please feel free to PM me if you want to talk/vent.

Hi there! just wanted to say I feel those feels, hocd sucks and at times it does feel like your life is falling apart-but mostly the techniques I use which help is not addressing hocd, meaning don't look up articles for reassurance or for answers, try to stay away from hocd or coming out forums, try your best to distract yourself such as cooking, gardening-physical activities really help. I can't watch shows or movies anymore as they're really triggering but I'm trying really hard to live as I am and not focus on sexuality as sexuality has nothing to do with hocd (although my hocd wants to trick me into believing it is). Also if you're like me and enjoy a nice romantic book or movie-indulge in it! don't let hocd spoil what you enjoy, grab a blanket some snacks and a glass of wine and make some time for you!