Can't Find Balance Between Hoarding and Extreme Minimalism

There's no subforum for hoarding, so I guess I'll post here since hoarding is most relevant to OCD

I'm both a hoarder and extreme minimalist, and I go through phases of both.

When I'm hoarding, I adopt the typical hoarding mindset of seeing value in everything. During this phase, I tend to buy a whole bunch of junk that I think is good value and will need someday. The logic behind this is thinking that I want to get the absolute best price for something that I will need eventually, even if it's something like a few years supply of razor blades.

Eventually, I feel overwhelmed by clutter and need to clean up. And at this time, I usually truly believe that if I can get my physical possessions organized while still having everything I need and not feeling deprived, I'll feel more zen and everything in life will fall in place. But based on experience, this is a lie. That zen feeling I'm seeking is short-lived if I ever even get to that point. And when I'm in the mood to dump things, I really dump everything except the bare minimum which means that the things that I hoarded during the "hoarding" or "value" phase never get any use. For example, the last time I was in this phase, I decided that I could just drink out of my water bottle and tumbler for any drink I would want, so I ended up getting rid of all my other cups and bottles, a lot of which were brand new.

During the minimalism phase, I also obsess over exactly how many of everything I need and make it so that I have the optimal number of everything. For example, I might decide that I need 8 T-shirts and 10 pairs of underwear, and I'll religiously keep the count at these numbers no matter how inconvenient. And if I deem that I'm only allowed to have 8 T-shirts, then I do extensive research on which T-shirts are the best quality and won't shrink with the mindset that this is the end-all for T-shirts and that if I put in the time and research right now, I'll never have to worry about T-shirts for the rest of my life.

During the minimalism phase, I still feel guilty about getting rid of perfectly good things just the way a hoarder would. But I justify it by convincing myself that I can simplify my belongings to perfection, and it will be no anxiety or obsessive thoughts about that category ever again after this project is over. But from experience, I know that it's a lie. If I'm aware that I have 9 shirts when I said that I only wanted 8, I'll spend all my time obsessing over which one to get rid of. And when I finally get it down to 8, I often regret throwing out a shirt that I liked when I think of it later.

But eventually, I become more and more lax about my optimal count of everything and I start to hoard again. And the cycle repeats itself.

Both of these phases have to do with obsessing with my possessions, but I can't find an effective method to ease the thoughts. No matter how much or how little I have, I can never feel like what I'm doing is optimal, and I have trouble letting my mind rest with anything less than optimal.

I am sorry for the pain.

Somehow you have to explain to yourself that the exact number of an item really won't change anything.