Desire To Act On Intrusive Thoughts?

Hi. Let me introduce myself. I am a teenager who has both OCD and Sexual Sadism Disorder. Sexual Sadism Disorder is when I get aroused by the pain of someone I find attractive. Today I woke up feeling tired and cranky (I slept late yesterday). I had been worrying about if I was a misogynist or not (being aroused by the pain of attractive women made me feel guilty). Today I met a pregnant woman and talked with her. While talking, I suddenly had a thought about harming her (I won’t go into detail, but it was pretty violent). I felt very guilty. The worst part was that I think I actually felt pleasure from the thought. I dislike babies and like violent things, but that does not excuse the thought I had or the pleasure I felt. It had nothing to do with Sexual Sadism because I didn’t consider the woman attractive (no offense to her). I kept feeling guilty, especially after I asked myself if there were no rules, would you do it? My feelings seemed to have answered the question: yes. I kept wondering if this was because I was a misogynist. I felt so anxious, I lost my appetite. I came here to ask for help.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. And I'm sorry too if this seems blunt. But from my perspective, this is all something you really need to be working through, at length & over time, with a skilled mental health therapist. I'm pleased you've come here to PC seeking help. (And admittedly this is just my personal opinion.) But my personal opinion is that what you are struggling with is too complex, & it is causing you too much pain, for us here on PC to be able to be of significant help. We can try to be supportive & tell you it can be okay with the appropriate treatment. And I hope other members will do so. Perhaps some of them will even share similar experiences they may have had. But that's not going to change things for the better. Only you can make that happen by seeking the mental health treatment you need. Please keep posting.

Ya, good point. I think I might be overthinking this.