Well, I guess it's decision time for me. I'm standing at a MAJOR fork in my road of life. So here I am... standing in the midst of a wretched life situation. No family or friends anywhere around. Living in the wreckage of a broken relationship with an ex that can't seem to get her arse moved out for one reason (excuse?) or another. Questioning the career I've chosen and the reasons for choosing it. And whining about all of it because there's nothing I can do about it. But wait... that's my fear talking. My fear of change. But why fear a change that would only make me happy? Why sit in here in self inflicted misery when I have the power to change it all? I don't have to live here in Michigan. I don't have to put up with the fallout from the ruined relationship. And I certainly don't have to continue a career that just might not be what I want to do for the rest of my life. I guess it's time to cowboy up and take this bull known as life by the horns and mold it into what I want it to be for me. You see, I am where I am today because of decisions that were made a) by someone who was acting on the impulses of bipolar disorder and b) for the good of a relationship. For a relationship... for two people... not just for me. And that's fine except that I'm not in the relationship anymore. When I lost my scholarship, I joined the military and took the best job they had to offer with every intention of leaving it all behind when I got out for college life and the career of my dreams. But then Jenn came along and things were great. Until my illness landed me a discharge and no money. Well, guess I had to stick with the career I had been trained to do. And that meant moving where the job was, in Michigan, so that I could provide for myself and Jenn. Well, it's just me now. I'm not saying that I'm going to run right out and throw my career down the drain, but I'm certainly going to re-evaluate it and how it plays into the new life that has been placed at my feet. The one thing I'm sure of is that I'm miserable here in Michigan and I can't even begin to be happy until I'm back with my family. So first thing's first. I'm putting back every cent I have and when my lease is up (Oct 31) I'm gettin the hell outa Dodge. If I can transfer with my company then great. If not, well, I have an education from the military and 8 years of experience so I'm sure I'll find another job. And if I decide between now and then that this career isn't for me, well hell, I've got $30k between my GI bill and military college fund to pay for school And I can certainly work and go to school, even if it's a BS job that gets me through until I finish school. All of this stuff is still up for evaluation except for the moving part. I'm just freakin sick and tired of wallowing in my misery. No more. I deserve better. And by God I will have better. These decisions aren't one's made out of haste. They're ones I've been racking my brain over for months now and have just made up my mind on. It's not some crazy mania induced impulse. It's what I've wanted all along but have been too afraid make happen. It's not going to be easy because I'll have setbacks and issues with my illness along the way, but I've finally got something to work for... me. Just plain me. I'm still young enough to start over in my career and even if I leave this one behind, I've learned so much along the way that none of it was wasted. I won't always have this positive attitude, but I sure can see the direction I want to start moving in. And when I start to fall, I know that I have so damned many friends here that I can fall on to keep reminding me what it is that I want. Just thought I'd share that. Input? Advise? Comments? Take your best shot...

Ry

[jmo531]

RY,

WOW!!! I'm so proud of you. Change is very hard. So very very hard. It sounds like you know what you want and are going after the dream. That is awesome. I thought too about changing careers. It's never too late. I beleive you said your family is in Texas. I think that being near them is a wonderful idea. As stated in your post, you have us here if you should fall but I know that you wont. You have got your S*%T together and I know you will suceed at anything and everything you set your mind too. You are truely a wonderful soul with so much life ahead of you. You run for that dream and dont ever stop until it is yours. Much luck and love to you sweety. I am truely proud to have met you.

[h0kie]

Go Ryan Go!

You're right! You are at a fork in the road. Did you know (a college prof told me this) that most people do not end up in the career they went to school for? For example, hubby has his degree in engineering. He's just starting a new career. In coaching! When we got married, we planned to live in Southwest Virginia where we went to school. I couldn't stand to be 7 hours from my family. So we moved home. I am so glad I did it. It's the best decision we've ever made...and even hubby agrees. And they're not his family...technically.

Everything you have written sounds very logical. Heck...if it were me in your situation, I would be moving this weekend. lol But you are right to take it slow and start preparing. Looking into a transfer is smart. If you can't find a transfer, can you live at home until you get more established?

Whatever you do Ryan...find your bliss. Do something that will make you happy. Life is too short not to do something that makes you happy. Keep us (especially me!) posted!

[Raynaadi]

Ryan,

Sounds like you've got it all figured out! It sounds like a great plan to me. Nothing about it sounds irrational or not thought out. Where will you move? Souds like the next step is get online and check out possible living places and jobs, and school as well. I think you're on your way to living the rest of your life the way YOU want to! Congrats!

Rayna

[Mahali]

Ryan,

Take my best shot??? How about applause and undying admiration. You go for it.

Ryan.......if your family is in Texas, you'll probably run into Shar, Zen and I some weekend!!!

[mj14]

Ryan,

I think your plan sounds like a great one. You said it yourself, you are still young, and now is the time to chase your dreams.

I think that the decision to move back to Texas is the best possible thing you could do...it's been obvious that your heart is there. Plus, I think having a good support system close by goes a long way toward helping us through those down times.

So you go for that brass ring, Ryan!!! You deserve all the best things life has to offer.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ryan}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Jo

[DocJohn]

Taking that leap off the cliff of the unknown is almost always going to be a scary feeling, and uncertainty can creep in. Making a big change in your life, no matter what it is, is not something we do everyday, so it's natural to feel a little anxious about what might be waiting on the other side.

But as you said, as long as you have support and friends to help you if you need, you've definitely got the future wide open and ahead of you! Good luck, and remember that we're only bound by our own imaginations.

DocJohn

((((((((((((((((((((Jen))))))))))))))))))))

Sweetie, thank you so much for your kind words and support. You rock too dear friend. When I said that I may fall I was referring to the depression that I feel oh so often, but I'm determined that nothing will stop me this time from having what I so badly want... a life of my own. Thank you.

Ry

((((((((((((((((((((Erin))))))))))))))))))))

I was not aware that most people don't follow their major. Hopefully I will... if I decide that this career isn't right for me. If I do decide that I'm in the wrong profession I could live with mom and step-dad. But since my finances are finally under control I'd probably chose to not do that. There's a wonderful young lady that I've been best friends with for 10 years who mentioned that she'd love to have me as a roommate. That's the route I think I'd choose since I could afford that even on a BS job. Thanks so much for your support. I'll most definately keep you posted.

Ry

((((((((((((((((((((Ray Ray))))))))))))))))))))

Well, I've got many places I could stay as I mentioned in the post above. As far as schools go, I've got that figured out too. The move will be to Texas where all my family and friends are. Since I'll be moving back to a town I grew up in, I have most of my ducks in a row for whatever path I chose once I get home. So much love.

Ry

((((((((((((((((((((Place))))))))))))))))))))

My.. thank you. You have been so supportive of me and I can't thank you enough.

Ry

((((((((((((((((((((Pat))))))))))))))))))))

That would freakin ROCK!!!!!!!

Ry

((((((((((((((((((((Jo))))))))))))))))))))

You're right... I am young and this is my time to live. I think I've yet to live for me in my entire life. And my heart is most definately in Texas so that's where I belong. Thank you for your undying support.

Ry

((((((((((((((((((((Doc))))))))))))))))))))

I don't even have the words to begin to thank you enough... and you know why. You're absolutely right... change of this magnitude is terrifying. I really don't know what I'm going to do career wise, but somehow I've managed to put myself into a position where I can handle whatever comes my way. Thank you so very much for your encouraging words. They mean the world to me.

Ry

There are a few people who have helped me so very much behind the scenes. You've supported me and helped me all along the way. I look at where I was when I first came here and where I am now and it's amazing. Sometimes I can't see it but I sure can right now. You guys know who you are. You all have my undying friendship, love, and loyalty. Thank you for everything.

Ry

[jetblackaura]

Ryan, I think this is an awesome decision for you, and even though it's really scary, you've always got us here to reassure you, right?

I wish you the best with whatever you chose to do, and don't forget to keep us posted about it

[vacantangel]

Ry, I know this is something that has been weighing heavily on your mind for quite some time. I'm glad you've been able to make a decision and find peace in that decision. It's a brave step to take but I see you soaring. You're going to go out and embrace life for all it's worth and you're going to find the love and happiness that you so richly deserve. Going back to Texas will give you the added support of familiar faces from family and friends who will help you along your new journey. I'm so proud of you and don't forget that I'll always be here for you. I know you haven't been happy with your current life situation and this will give you a chance to start everything anew. Keep on, keeping on Ry. There's big things in your future just waiting for you to reach out and grab them. Luv ya bunches. xoxoxoxo

(((((((((((( Ry ))))))))))))

ryan.........i am so proud of you........reading your post was the best way i could have started my day......yes.there may be setbacks along the way mainly due to the damn bipolar monster but you have the fortitude to get through it all......you are making decisions that can only be positives and YOU WILL MAKE IT!..yes we believe in you but more importantly .now i see that YOU believe in you.....go for it ryan!...best of luck! love always.....julia

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( ryan ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i think you've come to such a good, exciting, scary, exhillerating (sp?) time in your life. and to top it off, you're using your good head about it! it's sorting thru what's available to you right now to achieve your dreams and what you still have to do yet. you got it going on

we'll be right here holding your hand every step you make. we'll celebrate your achievements, and hold you up when someone doesn't go as planned. it's so good to have watched you grow, ryan. i hope you know that. of anyone i've met, you have grown the most and i'm so very proud of you. i respect you immensly. i feel VERY blessed to have you in my life.

much love,

kd

[sqrlb8]

Right on Ryan, maybe print that out for yourself and keep it handy to remind yourself of this clarity later when the trepidation feels more overwhelming. Great plan, great attitude, clarity all the way.

[SpazKatt]

*claps* way to go ry! you CAN do it!

[SittinSpin]

Way to go, nice job taking charge of your life. When you change careers you always have some skills from the old one. For instance, everytime I break away from restaurant management, no matter what I end up doing the skills I have in labor control, inventory management, employee management, customer relations, or financial management play a part in getting those other jobs and keeping them.

[Dolfin]

Ry,

ANY kind of change for us BP's is scary, no matter the circumstances, but you put it very eloquently when you said you DON'T have to continue down this path any longer.

You have my undying support, no matter what path you choose to create for yourself. I applaud you for getting honest with yourself!! You deserve to be happy, and many of us know your current situation makes you unhappy.

I'm with sqrl....print your post, and keep it somewhere you can get to it whenever you feel like you need a pick-me-up...you are a very strong-willed man, and you deserve all the happiness that life has to offer.

(((((((((((((((((((((( R Y A N )))))))))))))))))))))))))

MUCH LOVE!!
Jenn

[January]

<font color="blue">I absolutely know you have considered every option that may present itself when you move. This is not a "jump thethe gun" decision. You will be just fine and we both know it. Besides, you're not jumping off that cliff alone, you've got a twin parachute. </font>