[DocJohn]

Use this thread to discuss any of the articles found in Issue #5 of The Psych Central Report!

Best,
DocJohn

Doc John, I am most grateful for the article about trust and disappointment with a therapist. I am going to start therapy with a man here in the community soon. I have found myself having some of the issues that you discussed in the article. WHAT if he judges me? I'm such a screw-up! At least that's what my daughter tells me, right? And how much can I talk to him about my daughter's relationship with me, without appearing to be an idiot??? Can I REALLY tell him about my innermost feelings? Those are some of the things that I wake up thinking about. So, after reading your article, I'm plowing right ahead on. (Leon Russell used to say that) I "trust" that I'm going to be okay with this new partnership. Thanks again, Pat

[Monty_girl]

Trust in your therapist
I've had so many therapist in my past that I have lost count of them all. Think most of the time trust was an issue and I could never move forward in my therapy because of it. I am now in therapy with a therapist I do trust. which has been hard since I've been dx'ed as having MPD. But the one thing that I believe lead to me to trusting my therapist most of all is a few simple words he said during one session. He stated that he cared about me and my safety. Those small few words have suck with me all this time. If he could care enough about me and try to help me. Then I could be as honest as I could with him and I've come to know I can say anything I need to. Knowing that my therapist cares has helped me more then I've ever been helped before. I still have many hard times, but I know I can always be honest with him and let him know when I need extra help. When I was looking for a new therapist a few years ago, I had a hard time finding a therapist who would even see me. He took me on as a client when others wouldn't. Knowing this has always helped build my trust in him, because I know he's in this for the long run. I wish everyone could have a therapist that cares so much. I can see that he tries as hard as he can for me. So I'm willing to put back in the effort.
Monty

[Kathyanita]

Trust in the Therapist-
For the first time I consciously trust my T rather than just trusting in authority he represents. Trust was established not because I was impressed with his supior position - but only because he WAS willing to be critsized for behavior I found insensitive. Even though he explained why he said what he did he was agreeable to my perception. It was at the end of a session when I had a flashback of abuse and was dissociated and regressed . After I became awake enough he gave the standard verbal nudge of "Well that was a good session." Since I had been remembering an abuse episode I took his comment as a pronouncement of my experience as good and the "was" part of the statement was inappropriate because the session was still going on in my head and would be for the rest of the day. I guess I'm saying that I needed to be allowed to protest and have that protest be found valid so I could forgive his momentary insensitivity and he could forgive my misunderstanding of his intent. We were equally fallible and have carried on from there with more spontiniety.

[eskielover]

I have found that trust is not all that is necessary in a T patient relationship. I had a psychologist for over 6 years that I trusted to listen to me & was someone to talk to without bringing out alot of crap that is inside of me. Yes, he protected me against some of my stupid things I did. While going through the trauma that went on with the home RN that was taking care of my mother while she was dying with cancer, he was there to talk to by phone, but when it was all over, he had no concept of the trauma & fears that I actually went through that keep haunting me.

After getting my mother into a nursing home & I ended up lying in the hospital with a central line providing me with the TPN to give me the nutrition I needed to stay alive, I was provided with a psychologist via my GP that had privilidges to practice at the hospital (a hospital without a psych ward). The new psychologist was there during the time just before my mother died & then I left the hospital for the funeral (I arranged while in the hospital). When I retruned to the hospital to continue the central line, the new psychologist came back to continue talking to me daily. I didn't even know him to trust him, but I found out in those 2 months more about myself from this new psychologist than in the 6 years I spent with the nice psychologist I trusted & had been going to for so long.

For some reason, the new psychologist had the "ability/talent/or whatever" to get my feelings & thoughts out of me that no one else has EVER been able to do over the past 10 years. Once I was medically stable, I was released from the hospital with the hope that I would be able to turn things around with my normal life & the psychologist & my psychiatrist I had been using.

They also decided that I needed to be inpatient for ED & when that turned out to be caused by the PTSD instead & couldn't find a place to be treated inpatient, so I continued going to my previous psychologist until I realized I just wasn't getting anywhere except worse. All my doctors said to find a new T including my T since he realized he didn't know how to deal with my problem. I just can't seem to click with anyone and I was getting nowhere with him. My energy level is so low that it's taking so much out of me to do the searching. For me it takes more than going to someone & trust comes over a couple of sessions.

I really think there is something more than trust that needs to be there since this new psychologist just came in & the chemistry was there. I can't understand what it was that was there immediately. I haven't experienced that feeling before nor have I since. My need for a psychologist / T is desperate & I am at the point where I don't think I can do it without one. Physically I'm getting worse not better, but I feel like all I am doing is hitting my head against a block wall...trying & just getting no where.

I think there needs to be more than trust between the patient & T, but I don't know how to define what that "?" is & I don't know how to find it. Unfortunately I am desperate to find someone who I can actually work with since my GP & I are not liking the necessity to put me into the hospital to get me physically well almost monthly. Finding the right T is not easy & when you are psysically slck caused by a mental problem, it even seems to make it harder.

I agree that trust is definitely necessary, but what that other part of the chemistry is I can't seem to find & just can't seem to get there again. Has anyone else found that there is something more than trust that is necessary? I'm not just picky it is just not easy for me to talk to many people. It still is beyond my understanding how someone who I never knew before could just come in, get my trust immediately (which my other psychologist had too) & get me to talk about things no one else has ever been able to...I just don't understand what happened or how to make it happen again.

The search is giving up,
Debbie K

[Rapunzel]

Debbie,

You are right - there is more to it than trust, although trust is very important. I trusted my previous T, and enjoyed talking to him, but he didn't push me to get better, so I didn't really, although I improved in some things. I got to the point where I could carry on a normal conversation with him. That was something, but we stopped dealing with my issues. I needed someone who was more directive, who could push me to actually make some changes, rather than be content with tweaking a few cognitive distortions here and there. You might try asking for referrals to a therapist who can be directive. Would the one you saw in the hospital be able to work with you as an outpatient?

Don't give up your search. It sometimes takes several tries to find the right T, but they are out there somewhere.

[(JD)]

Yes, I want to know how to retire from being a mother.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Susan J. King (aka "Ozzie") is a retired Mother of four

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

deleted

[eskielover]

How about the concept of our psychologist disappointing us. After going to someone for about 6 years &amp; having gone through other aspects of my life with me, I really expected that I could get help with a situation that has ended up being so serious not only mentally but physically. When push came to shove, I found myself getting absolutely no help. I realize that no one person can be good at all aspects of their patients life. At the point I realized that I was getting no where &amp; confronted the issue, he was actually willing to admit that trauma was not an area of his strength &amp; that he too realized that he was not able to provide me with the help that I need.

That really leaves one in a stuck spot because then the issue is identify what your problem is &amp; look for someone who can help &amp; hope that your GP can keep you healthy enough until someone shows up that can help you. Knowing the right questions to ask a T is very difficult &amp; the pressure to find someone who can help adds to the stress. I can't even identify all the issues that I am dealing with because so many things happened in such a short time that I can't identify what all is going on inside of me. All I know that it is messing me up physically &amp; when ending up in the med hospital monthly doesn't help the energy for finding someone who can psychologically help.

Just remember that disappointment runs both directions. I think that T's are probably in a better position to deal with disappointment than we are.

Debbie K

[eskielover]

I really appreciate the article on resilience. It does point out the concepts that I have been trying to understand for a while. However, I wish my resilience had continued through the other side of the trauma &amp; not just during it. I guess that my Mom's death at the end of the trauma of living through &amp; handling every aspect of her identity theft which even though it was only over a period of two months took its toll on the resilience I had finally recovered over the previous 1 1/2 yrs.

During the first 2 weeks of the trauma my resilience seemed to be there in order to have a counteraction to everything that was going on even though I didn't know what I was even up against. I was trying to figure out what was going on under my nose, &amp; since it was so bizzar, it was hard to get anyone to believe what I was talking about. Then getting accused by the police of abusing my mother was even more unbelievable. It wasn't until I was finally able to report everything that went on to the authorities that I still sat back &amp; couldn't figure out the whole strategy that had been used on my Mother &amp; myself. Even 4 months later &amp; 2 months after her death, I still don't understand the picture. Before this all hit, I had gotten to the point where my weight was stable &amp; my eating &amp; exercise program were not conflicting, but leaving no reserve must have left me physically vunerable.

For some reason when it all started hitting, nausea set in &amp; threw off the whole weight issue. During the initial trauma, I took it minute by minute but found that I was having no time to even eat let alone fighting the nausea that I was experiencing. By that time my Mother was back in the hospital, &amp; I was trying to keep her &amp; myself safe from anything else the RN could do. Spending 24 hrs a day in the hospital with my mother while I knew she was dying &amp; she kept asking my if she was going to get better just added to the stress. I think that having no physical reserve left me open to having my resilience fly out the door just at the time my Mother died. I have had medical hospitalization after hospitalization &amp; test enough to rule out anything physical except for how my body ended up reacting to the stress or is it how my mind finally ended up reacting to the stress. The nausea will not go away even with heavy duty meds used for chemo patients &amp; eating &amp; drinking is a struggle with only my mind to be blamed for it at this time. But all I want is have my life back similar to what it was, spending time with my now 6 month old filly &amp; my 11 american eskimo dogs, riding &amp; practicing my dressage riding. I hate the struggle against the nausea when a great meal is staring me in the face &amp; wanting so to enjoy it.

I am hoping that my resilience makes it back soon because no meds nor anything else seems to make a difference in the situation. The determination to recover is probably the only thing that will win in the end.

There is so much to the concept of resilience in our recovery to our illnesses that is should never be discounted.

Debbie K

[SS8282]

((((((((eskie))))))))) I'm sorry about your mother and what you've been through. Stess does take a toll on our body and mind. It's like carrying an object - the longer we carry, the more tired we get.

The next article will be about ways how a person can build up and strengthen resilience. Unfortunately, it doesn't just come back on its own - the person has to do something to get it back. Taking care of yourself, finding some support, and doing things you like to do are just three examples of what you can do to increase your resilience.

Good luck, and take care. Hugs.