Leaving for Good

For the past few months I've been hiding around on these forums. I said I was leaving, but I didn't. I think you all would know the magnetic attraction of this website.

So, I'm coming out honestly. I've been a member at PC since May 2004. I've had 3 names, one of which I change just recently. In order I had: loser_child, Sleepy_Head, starbright, and I just changed Sleepy_Head to SpecialK. I've ran into a few disagreements with certain things, and I'll leave and come back as something else. Excuse me if it's not so easy for me to "just forgive and forget" as one member put it to me.

Now, I've had the Doc retire "loser_child" a long time ago. Yesterday I made a request that "SpecialK" also be deleted, and as soon as I am done here I will make the same request for this name.

Don't take things personally, if you do, sorry. I think I've really grown apart from this site or this just is the type of community for me. I haven't felt like I've been supported, except for a few select threads, and thank you for that. What I've never understood, though, is how 2 different people could be calling out for help on similar matters, but one person would get 3 replies, while another could get 3 pages of replies. Or maybe I'm just being critical or just plain selfish. I don't know, you tell me.

As much as I hate to sound like my mother, this site feels very clique-ish to me and I don't feel like a part of any of it. I don't feel like I've made very many friends here at all. Of course changing names doesn't help, but I used each name for a few months at a time. Some new members seem that they are the highlight of the site within weeks. I've been here months at a time and no one knows me. Maybe I'm just being silly.

No matter what, I'm saying good bye. For those of you I did get close to, I'm sorry, but you know how to find me if you like. Other than that, I just want to say sorry for those that feel offended or hurt in anyway, that wasn't my purpose. Insult me as you like, replyas you like, whatever. I won't be around to read them.

One last word, this site has changed a lot in almost the past year, I'm not sure if it's been much for the good, but maybe just an overwhelming amount of people calls for different rules. Don't mind me, I won't be around much longer.

Nice knowing ya..
~Kayleigh

I for one will miss "all" of you as I was only aware of the connection between two of the names.

I think you are wise to take action to improve yourself and if this site is no longer a helpful part of that healing/improvement then you're insightful to see that and move on.

Your comment about being here months and no one knows you resonates with me. I've felt that way before on boards. I had the good/bad fortune to know a gang o people from years on another board so I came into this community knowing a few which was like getting to go to college with a few buds from home so things aren't quite so scary.

But just because I know these folks doesn't mean I didn't have one helluva time coming out of my shell here to post in other forums besides the ITL when I first arrived. I think Fayerody said we were like a covey of quail and yes we were! Freaked out and completely confused by this 'group' of people who seemed to be 'in' with each other.

Perceptions can be distorted by disease/disorder. Moods can affect how one views life. I know for me that when my diseases or disorders are not being treated as well as they could be and I'm not making my best effort daily to stay compliant with treatment than I start to believe the distorted thinking that runs through my mind like the wind. My distortions often were that everyone else was so tight with each other and I was so on the outside since I wasn't a huge PMer type of person and chat scared me for the longest time. I believed that lots of ppl were friends and knew one another for ages. I was SO WRONG about making a bunch of those assumptions! My brain tricks me sumthin' awful at times. stinky ol' ill brain!!

I'm neither hurt nor offended by your post. I think you were honest to let us know who you were/are and what is going on for you.

Thank you for sharing this with us and I will miss you.

kindly,
__zh

p.s. I always thought your uniform pic was snappy and you looked very together in it.

I'm sorry you feel that way and I think more than a few people around here will miss your presence on the forums.

Communities sometimes outgrow their members and vice-a-versa. I hope that when people grow in a positive way, they actually do leave here. I am sad when people leave because they feel the community is not supportive or embracing enough of all of its members. It's hard to be all things to all people, though, so I know it's not always going to be the right fit for everyone.

Thanks for the feedback, it is appreciate. Take care.

DocJohn

Kayleigh, if you look in Kudos I think ppl were looking for you as Kayleigh
Angie

Hi Starbright

I too have felt that way on a few boards - like I was the "fifth wheel on the wagon" or I felt rejected. While it hurt me deeply, it is also very true (as was already pointed out here) that an individual's disorder can often cloud thier perception of how people see them and it's so easy (especially on the internet) to misjudge other people's view of you (ie; "I only got one reply so people must not like me very much"), etc. I'm not saying this was the case with you or anything (just trying to sort it out a bit).

A lot of people here have serious issues (myself included) and replying to someone's post (no matter how urgently they may need help) is mainly contingent upon how I am feeling at the moment but it does'nt ever mean that I don't want to help that person. Anxiety, panic, depression and other disorders sometime become so totally debilitating that it's often impossable to muster up the strength to post. Still other times, a person may be able to relate to something said in one post but not necessarily in another (similar) post.

Finally, I used to notice that someone elses (similar) question was getting a great deal of attention and mine was not. This would make me feel hurt or even jealous until I soon realized that this other person's post was several days older than mine and thus had more time to elicit replies. Still other times, if two posts contain similar content, people may not bother responding to the newest one because they might figure that the subject has already been addressed.

These are just a few factors involved and I thought I would mention them. I do very much hope you will stay:-)

Hello Kayleigh, Starbright, Sleepyhead:

I, too, only knew of the connection between 2 names. I'm sorry that you feel that your needs weren't met here, and hopeful that they are being more effectively met somewhere else.

I'm sorry that you've decided to leave. Perhaps you will change your mind again. Best wishes for a happy outcome to your quest.

I feel as if I knew Sleepy best in chat so

(((((((((((((((Sleepyhead)))))))))))))))))))))))

..One last goodbye.

Surprised to find that this still opened. You can never be too sure with matters like this, so I still check. I laughed when I saw that the Doc answered. hehe. Silly man.

There was another member that used the screenname "Kayleigh" but surprisingly enough, that isn't me, although I have confused myself with that member. I post that name because that is my name IRL. hehe..Surprisingly enough I don't have multiple personalities, except online.

Anyways..farewell..
Kayleigh

I, for one, will really miss you being on here. I've grown to feel a connection with you over in a different forum and have enjoyed your posts. I've smiled when you had good days and frowned with you on your bad days. I really hope your good days start getting more attention than the bad days. I wish you the best in everything you do in life and remember I'm just a phone call away if you need me.

Just remember, like I said before, you weren’t here by mistake, none of us are. You helped me, and maybe you helped somebody else as well.
I for one will miss you

On the road to the good stuff,
Richard S.

((((((((((((((((kayleigh)))))))))))))