[Patrick P]

Why do I want everything to be perfect? Is it something that all humans want? Is it because of the happily ever after we see in our films, novels, etc? Or am I just a very naive person? Most of the TV news is of the negative variety, most of the movies are of the positive, how can I reach a middle ground, and be okay with where Im at right now. My life is going good yet I still worry and stress everyday over my plight. I feel it all relates to my high expectations. Any feedback?

[depressedalaskan]

Don't have an answer but sending some hugs.

[gimmeice]

Hello Patrick P, it's nice to meet you, welcome to psych central.
I don't know about everyone else but I also have high expectations and it is very frustrating because I set mine so high that they are unreachable at the moment. I am sorry I don't have any advice on how to find the middle ground because I have not found that place either. Here are some hugs for you.
If you have any questions feel free to private message any community liaison or moderator, here is a link to a list of forum leaders.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showgroups.php

[Seabirdanne]

I don't know why we want everything to be perfect. But if you ever figure out how to get everything perfect, please let us know.

On the other hand, I am often perfectly confused, perfectly dismal, perfectly unhappy... Hmm.

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by Patrick P

Why do I want everything to be perfect? Is it something that all humans want? Is it because of the happily ever after we see in our films, novels, etc? Or am I just a very naive person? Most of the TV news is of the negative variety, most of the movies are of the positive, how can I reach a middle ground, and be okay with where Im at right now. My life is going good yet I still worry and stress everyday over my plight. I feel it all relates to my high expectations. Any feedback?

hello Patrick P. Welcome to this site!
I too want to be perfect. IMO the people that the media portrays makes us feel inferior. Like with me I see commercails with the pretty put together moms in their $40,000 mini vans and 3 clean kids. They have jobs a perfect house. They're kinda like Martha Stewart mixed with a supermodel. Then I look around at my house it is usually disorganized my laundry piles up, I cook great but not fancy, I prefer my old pick up over a mini van the thought of PTA makes me nauseaous. And my 2 boys are rambunctios little outdoorsman that love nothing more than to play on the clay hill behind our house. I don't work and my pick up costed $750. My clothes ain't all pretty and my idea of fun is fishing. I learned to love how I am. Yeah sometimes I wanna be one of those moms but I'm not. I guess I just accepted that. I actually think I'm kinda cool I hope you can find that one day. I guess it just happenes as you age and become more of what you feel comfortable being and less of what others want you to be.

[VickiesPath]

Hi Patrick and welcome to PC!

You have identified something within yourself that is troublesome. You have also identified that although your life is generally OK at the moment, the perfectionism causes worry and stress. You said you feel your expectations are high. It seems to me, IMHO, that all you need to do is figure out the flaw in this equation and come up with a better one.

Perfectionism is like a cancer that grows and eats up everything in its path. Nothing can last long around it. By definition it doesn't belong in a human environment. You've heard that there is no such thing as a straight line. Theoretically, there should be. But in reality, there is not. Theroretically, perfection should exist. In reality, it does not.

I hardly ever watch TV. I never watch TV news. I do not ever read a newspaper. I read CNN.com in the mornings to find out what occurred in the world overnight. I look to see how blazingly hot it will be in Phoenix today. Then I log on to this website and talk to real people with real lives and who offer real caring.

Then my husband comes home from work and we chat about things that matter to him and matter to me. Nothing in the world is more important to me than spending those few minutes with the one I love.

Patrick, I am speaking of that which I know. I have struggled much throughout my life, trying to recover from a dysfunctional family which included a perfectionistic mother. I could never please her. I spent most of my life knowing deep in my heart that I would never be enough. I would not wish that misery on anyone.

Having said all of this, there is absolutely nothing wrong with setting goals for yourself. But that is not the same as striving to be perfect. Goals are what keep us on target toward something we want to achieve. But in setting them, they must be attainable.

Don't waste another minute on perfectionism. Begin anew and first, value yourself for being just yourself. Then start from there and think hard about what's important. And don't forget to play.

[Catherine2]

Hi, Patrick P, and welcome

Perhaps being kinder to yourself would help...if we compare ourselves to others, we will always come up short. Please don't waste your energy on doing it.
I agree with you about the affects of the media on us. Sometimes we fail to remember that we are seeing well-scripted situations...ones we may not handle with wisdom and bravery--all the while the actors do not have a hair out of place nor does a beer belly show.
Reality shows? Yeah, right. Seldom are average people included in these competitions.

Patrick, you are not lacking anything in the ways that count the most...
Nothing and no one are perfect. Where would be the fun in that?! Stagnation, perhaps.
Perfect? An illusion.
A worthwhile human being with much to offer? That's reality.

In Peace