Being myself...

holy bejeezus - I had missed this part the first time around. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you gotten any idea what he's doing from my disjointed posting? He was checking on me a couple times a day, would holler at me from across the street now and then to make sure I was okay, this morning he took me to the drug store and to pick up a few groceries. When I was getting into his van, he told me he wanted to "pat my hiney." I laughed a bit, but told him he'd better not. He agreed because "I might fall in love with you." Told him he'd better not. He's been coming in and out since he brought me home. I cleaned up a portion of the front room and he thought I'd done it for him. I said "no, I did it for myself." Kiddingly, he said he was crushed but in the same breath, he asked me to let HIM rebuild my mobile. I didn't answer... Somehow I did happen to get it in that I have a lousy track record as far as husbands are concerned and I had given up on men a long time ago. Then he went into his stories about his two wives and how good he was to them. I just said "uh-huh." He did say he wanted to make the woman he's staying with mad at him for coming over here. Didn't get a chance yet, but I plan on telling him I don't play those games... or any other, either!

Roxxy, it DOES flatter me... more than you can imagine! I've NEVER had this kind of attention in my whole life! Maybe that's what scares me... I don't want to give in. I don't want to take ANY CHANCES!!! Been there, done that, had enough!

If "you don't want this", then it doesn't need to happen. He can't force himself on you in any way, including emotionally.

I'm sorry to be a worry wart (it's my nature), but I really want you to keep your wits about you now. It's very important. Remember his history. You are certainly vulnerable to the affections of another man right now. I'm afraid that he is taking advantage of this. In my mind, that makes him a threat to you. A true friend would wait for the right time - like...um..when you are single? or when you express an interest in others? etc.

OK, I'm worried about you. Don't allow any man access to your heart until you are ready to share again. From what I can tell, you have not really ended your relationship with your hubby yet.

One thing at a time. And, safety first always! I don't feel like it's safe now, when you are emotionally ....um..whacked , to start a new relationship. Especially when it sounds like he is forcing it and you are avoiding it.

YOU are the important person here. Your happiness is all that is important.

em, the worry wart

No, Sept - I went back through your posts over the past 4 days and pieced together most, but clearly not ALL of it! I know that Jerry broke a knickknack then took off, and that Art has been kind and helpful. I missed the hiney comment, obviously!

I think there is a rule about not dating your neighbors. I broke that rule once and it was a BIG mistake!

tomi......i pm'ed ya

Thanks {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Auntie Em}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} for puting into words something that had been playing hide and seek in my brain already. Seems like we have some of the same issues, Art and I. Like abandonment and abuse. He's very giving but I'm not so sure that it isn't a tool, ya know?

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It's completely inappropriate and self-serving.

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Yes, ma'am! It sure is, now that you mention it! But... even if his giving is because he knows I need it? He was treating me this way before Jerry left.

I don't NEED these complications!! Maybe if I tell him that?

Emmy, it's been so long since someone sincerely worried about me! Please don't apologize.

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If "you don't want this", then it doesn't need to happen.

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Crazy as it sounds, thanks for giving me permission to tell him "No."

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From what I can tell, you have not really ended your relationship with your hubby yet.

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I've "loved" the man for 30 yrs. He just did his usual disappearing act last Friday. No, I haven't ended my relationship with Jerry yet. Don't know that I ever will. My heart is pretty stupid and pretty stubborn.

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I don't feel like it's safe now, when you are emotionally ....um..whacked, to start a new relationship.

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I'm ALWAYS "emotionally whacked" in this department. That's why I grew my "fat cocoon." I thought it would keep me emotionally safe from intruders.

Jerry called a few minutes ago and said he'd "be at 'your' place in a couple of hours." Of course, I'm reading between the lines. I'm sure I know what his plans are. There's two ways of looking at this. One, I get my freedom and independence back. I won't have to put up with any more abuse. Two, did I say "independence"? I'll need to depend on someone to take me anywhere I need to go. The only one that I'm comfortable with pushing me in the wheelchair is Jerry. Don't even like my best friend doing it!!

(I don't want to be here when Jerry starts taking all of his accumulated junk out of here!!!!! It's gonna hurt so damn bad!!!)

I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS KIND OF CRAP!!

Sept - I'm sorry if you already told me this, but... why are you in a wheelchair? Is there anything that can help you so you can be independent?

No, I don't think I told you. I've got disc degeneration. Yes, I've put in for a power chair so that I can get around without anyone pushing me. I can go 15 miles on a single charge. Just don't know how long it will take to get it.

Another good point! Thanks, Angela. Maybe I should start writing me speech now?

Hi September -- This is a nice little diversion from things that have been getting you down. It's always nice to know you've still got "it."

I've weighed in on this in the past, and my nope hasn't changed. Enjoy, keep your distance, be safe.

You missed it while you were gone, I guess. He told me this morning how it came about that he killed a guy. It was a gang of three that raped his step-daughter and cut off one of her breasts. Don't know if I can believe his story. I would think that from what he said, he would have been up for murder one. Said at first he got 25 to life but he appealed it and then represented himself and won??? I dunnnooooo! Hell!! I'm scaring myself just talking about it!

It's a definite NO but it's squirming my way out of it that's causing the problem.

LOL The "hiney" comment was this morning.

I'm beginning to settle down now. Not sure if my off-handed comment of having a lousy track record with husbands and having sworn off of men did it, but he hasn't been back since. What's that? About an hour? LOL I can hear him working but he hasn't hollered at me. GOOD!

Tomi, for your own sanity and ours. Find out : When he did time, What it was for exactly, How long it was for, Where did it happen.
You should be able to find past newspapers telling all of this.
Start locking your doors so he can't come and go.
If you need help doing things call a volunteer program, at least you'll be safe with them,
Remember
1. You are a Mature Married Lady w/ Children
2. He has a live in other
3. You DON"T really know anything about him, con-artist are very good liars
This one might make you mad at me but I give a damn about you
4. Stop acting like a school girl with a chrush, he's dangerous
Angie

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Angie}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Or was that {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Marie}}}}}}}}}}}}}} that made that last comment?

I have to agree that I was acting like a school girl with a crush at first. I've sobered up now since this weekend. I KNOW he's dangerous! I was more scared than anything. Still kinda scared until this gets resolved. Like I said before; he's got his "homies." I don't want to %#@&#! him off.

This guy can't con me out of anything. I don't have anything! It seemed that maybe he was looking to move from across the street to here, but it ain't gonna happen! The little bit that he insinuated about sex yesterday was enough to turn me off completely. I AIN'T HAVING SEX WITH NO BODY except my husband, NOT NOW, NOT EVER!!

From what Art said yesterday, he's been out for seven yrs. I've got his full name now and his mother lives down the street. For the rest of the info, I'll do some looking around. Wonder if the local newspaper has anything online? If not, there's a local library that I can go to while Jerry is still here.

I'll let you know when I find something out, ok?

A short update:

Jerry "came home" last night. I thought he was just coming over for a bit, but he stayed the night. His plans for the future are as unreal as a 13 yr olds. He wants to live three different places; his boat, his RV and here. He's NOT going to be part-time here!

Jerry asked me how I wanted him to handle the situation with Art. All I could think of was for him just to be around. The rest, I'll take care of. It has to be ME that sets MY boundaries with Art. Art needs to know that no matter how badly I want to be taken care of, I have my limits. He's begining to suffocate me. Art also needs to know that my heart and some physical parts of me belong to Jerry and they're not up for grabs for ANYONE.

For the time being, Jerry is here just to let Art know... well... that he's here. That part of it, I need to come to terms with on my own; do I really want to keep putting up with that crap or do I limp forward on my own? (Makes me want to crawl back in my hole, keep all the drapes, doors and windows shut tight like I used to.)

Anyway... guess I've learned that I need to distinguish who I can be myself with and who I can't. If I want to be a "wild child," there WILL be a price to pay. Ain't THAT the $hits!

OMG I'am so glad your not mad at me
Love ya sooooo much
Angie

Don't you know by now that I accept constructive critisism?

Thanks, Fury! I'm in the process of doing something similar to what you've suggested. You've reinforced my thinking and my feelings. It's good to know I'm on the right track.

BLAK!!! PATOOEY!! Personal relationships!!!

Hey woman, gotta love meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Angie

lololroflolololol. Hi folks.