[Yesterdays]

I know taking three pills every night is really not that big of a deal. But I wish I never had to take them to begin with. I had to switch anti-depressants because the pills I was taking were apparently making me tired and groggy. Now I also have pills to take when I'm feeling anxious that are supposed to make me feel 'perky' and 'happier.'

I hate it. I hate that the medicine is me now, I hate that without it I would have a different personality. I hate the voice in the back of my head that every time I smile tells me "it's because of the pills."

I don't want to stop taking them, because then I would be worse of. I just want to be able to accept that I'm not normal and I'm messed up and will never just be normal ever again. So why is it so hard to do that...?

Why I had to end up with this stupid brain that's freaking messed up my life, I'll never know or accept.

[Trying & Caring]

Well--I take meds for high blood pressure, high cholesterol (I am much older than you are), low thyroid & pernicious anemia. So, yes I'm sick of taking pills & concerned about some of them in the elderly population (I am now 55) but psychiatric meds have helped me SO MUCH. I am so grateful.

My mother had a severe case of bipolar & back then they didn't have the meds & therapy treatments (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy has enabled me to get off some meds)...

So, yes, it is the pits having conditions that require meds & therapy but if you follow the advice of your mental health provider (in a collaborative relationship where you give your opinion & it is valued as well--even more so than the doc's if you have insight & are stable), you can get a great quality of life. Don't label yourself!

Just take care of the 'disorder" you have to the best of your ability & live life!

Sorry if I have numerous typos--very tired. Back pain--didn't sleep mcuh lst night.

All my best to you...

[possum220]

None of us are our medication. Its just something to help us stay well. None of is they diagnosis that the drs have labelled us with.

We are all unique individuals with our own characteristics. The medication is just that - medication.

I had a time when I got very 'thingy' about my meds but I got past it. Focus on doing things that can help you. You don't have a stupid brain, just pain. Go easy on yourself.

Best Wishes

[Maven]

I used to think medication was great, and not such a big deal, but it's many years later, and I'm sick of the side effects, sick of meds that don't make me even functional, have health risks, make me gain weight (which puts me further at risk), and are prescribed by psychiatrists who don't really help me, except to throw more pills at me.

[VickiesPath]

I take quite a few medications, both for physical disorders, so to speak (high blood pressure, hypothyroid) and those for my bipolar. I also have the benefit of knowing which supplements I need in order to optimize my health (multivitamin, calcium plus D and minerals, B12).

The history of my father's family reflects multiple family members who suffered bipolar illness, depression, schizophrenia, and other mental illnesses in the days when they did not have medications for those illnesses. There were numberous suicides. My father's mother went to bed for weeks at a time. She was institutionalized several times.

I am grateful for my medications. If it were not for them, I would be exactly in the same position as they were.

[Zen888]

Originally Posted by Yesterdays

I know taking three pills every night is really not that big of a deal. But I wish I never had to take them to begin with. I had to switch anti-depressants because the pills I was taking were apparently making me tired and groggy. Now I also have pills to take when I'm feeling anxious that are supposed to make me feel 'perky' and 'happier.'

I hate it. I hate that the medicine is me now, I hate that without it I would have a different personality. I hate the voice in the back of my head that every time I smile tells me "it's because of the pills."

I don't want to stop taking them, because then I would be worse of. I just want to be able to accept that I'm not normal and I'm messed up and will never just be normal ever again. So why is it so hard to do that...?

Why I had to end up with this stupid brain that's freaking messed up my life, I'll never know or accept.

I feel very similar to you. I hate being on 4 different types of medications. They all make me feel sleepy and sound sleep depending on the time of day. If I have to talk to someone important (in authority) over the telephone I try my best to sound happy, perky, and not talk slowly or sound tired. Makes me feel like I have no intellect when I sound tired and out of it all the time. I have to take my medications for life. I feel as though I am chained to my medications and that they rule my life.

I wish I could be of more support you but all I can offer is that I can relate to what you are experiencing.