[SeptemberMorn]

LOL That's what my husband says when he meets up with a voracious, destructive garden snail as he throws it up in the air. Then comes "BUMMER! He didn't get his wings out in time!"

My husband was born under the Cancer sign; the crab. My husband has all the traits of a real crab as well as his sing. A crab's main thing is to crawl AROUND anything that gets in their way... waaaay around! If I thought it would do any good, I'd give him this motivator by Ralph Marston.

"If you run away from a problem, you will soon encounter an even stronger version of it. Instead, turn to face the problem, work your way through it, and then it will never be able to hold you back again.The path to freedom is not through avoidance and denial. For that strategy only ends up heaping more trouble on top of the trouble that's already there."

An interjection is needed here. My youngest boy was the epitome of "scardy cat." I mean, he would run out of the room when anything slightly resembled "scary" on TV. He'd hide behind a door until the moment passed. Then one day, the hills that surrounded our ranch caught fire. The canyon we lived in eventually all burned, but thankfully leaving homes, barns and animals intact. This was a turning point for my boy. He and I were home alone that day and there was nothing we could do but face our fear head on. At 12, he joined forces with the neighbors, got the hoe and shovel from the barn and started attacking the small fires that erupted in small clumps of weeds. When his dad came home to help fight the fire, they went up into our lemon orchard and started throwing dirt, again on the smaller fires. When the flames got out of control and were closing in on my goat pen, I ran for help from other neighbors. The fire department just parked their trucks and watched.

A neighbor's friend and his crew responded immediately and set a back fire. My boy was so interested in the back fire method of putting out fires, he was right in the thick of things and at the same time, trying to reassure me.

Today, the boy grown into full manhood is afraid of NOTHING!

"The path to [his] freedom is [was] through truth, acceptance, effort and determination. There is no problem that can survive such a positive onslaught."

It was painful to him, a high inconvenience, messy, complicated and no doubt embarrassing for him but he dealt with all of it and came out on the other side, victorious. Now he doesn't have to waste his time dealing with an old problem over and over. It's because he met his problem head on.

If he had run away from his problem, avoided it by going to school instead of staying and fighting the fire, he may have well been pulled out of school against his will to help the rest of the residents when the fire grew enough to threaten our home. By staying, he not only faced his fear and overcame it, he still, to this day, brags about the fire he helped put out.

"So which outcome would you prefer? Choose to promptly deal with it, and choose to be truly free."

To see how I applied Ralph Marston's motivation for today with a true story from my life, check out his web page.

Ralph Marston's Daily Motivators

[SweetCrusader]

A very good point for many situations, Tomi.

Sometimes avoidance is the way to go, though, when our actions cannot affect the outcome. It would save us all some heartache and frustration if we could learn when to keep on and when to bow out

[SeptemberMorn]

Agreed. But I only had the problems of mental illness and recovery in mind.

[SeptemberMorn]

bump

[oksomaybeimnuts]

ditto

[SeptemberMorn]

LOL Are we doing "the bump"? Remember that dumb dance? LMAO

[oksomaybeimnuts]

Mom i'll dance with you any time but i get to lead

[SeptemberMorn]

But are you taller than I am? And strong?? You might have to pick me up off the floor. LOLOL

[oksomaybeimnuts]

had a dip planned- oh wait i'm the dip- that one always confuses me

[SeptemberMorn]

Yer funny but yer no dip!

[oksomaybeimnuts]

however back to the main point- fine post tomi. thank you so much for it.

[SeptemberMorn]

AWWWW! Yer so sweet! Thanks, "Daughter."

[(JD)]

wow sept how ppl can change, eh? But in reading that, I was thinking of my own two sons... the older one always "tried"things on the younger (kinda the let mikey try it?) he mad mud pies and had the younger one taste it, he would have the younger one go out on a limb (sometimes literally) and tell him, it's ok, you'll be ok... and there would go the younger one...

today, the older one is a district manager for a large high end retail electronics company (telling others what to do) and the younger one is Delta force (or higher) attempting everything without fear! He... flies btw for the Army...

[SeptemberMorn]

You know, the more things change, the more they stay the same. It's amazing how our kids turn out in spite of us. My daughter was the one always instigating and driving her brothers crazy. She really held my oldest son under her thumb, much to my dismay. Now the tables are reversed. He's the successful one and she's afraid to get too close to him. My middle son was always the one that got bullied. This January when he was here, he got a tattoo just like his dad's and his baby brother's. They both teased him that they were going to "set the ink" for him. What it is is just a slap on the fresh tattoo. Chuck looked at his dad and simply said "I don't think so!" All of us saw in his face that if either his brother or dad tried, they'd find themselves on the floor! And his baby brother is taller and wider than he is! LOL

Just like John faced his fears, Chuck has had to face his during this awful breakup of his marriage. Whether it's in the big things or the little things, we can really be proud of our kids!

My daughter and I used to be like two halves of a whole. We'd wear the same color clothes, we'd cut our hair or get it permed without consulting the other and it was always the same. We'd finish each other's sentences for each other. It's been seven or so years since she's spoken to me or allowed me in the same place she is. You are well acquainted with that pain. I know.

A mother's greatest fear is to lose one of her kids. I thought they'd have to put me away for good if that happened to me. Well, Karla didn't die, but I lost her just the same, yet, here I am by the grace of God. You've in essence lost all of yours, and you're still here, too, by the grace of God.

Love you, Sky!

[(JD)]

Thank you sept... Luv ya too you silly ninny

great post tomi......thanks

[chitown]

Thanks for the story! It really put things into perspective.

[Wants2Fly]

Tomi -- Thank you for sharing about how you feel about your daughter not speaking to you. My mother is dying of cancer and she is heartbroken @ the way my brother is cutting her out of her life, since he sided with my X and called me to tell me to kill myself when I was suicidal.

I knew she was "heartbroken" but your email gave me more insight into how this feels for her. I am going to stop talking and confiding in her about how my brother's behavior affect me. She doesn't need me to keep opening this wound for her during what will be our last years together.

Thank you so much for that.

[SeptemberMorn]

Julia and Chitown, thanks for the responses. It's good to know that my life experiences are helping someone.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{Wants2}}}}}}}}}}}}} Be open to what your mother needs to get off her chest. Losing a child this way is not much different than losing them to death. It's a mourning process. Just in the last few months I've been able to talk about Karla without stirring up old feelings. I had a beatifull, precocious child while she was growing up. She was well behaved and never got into trouble during her teenage years and I have to give her credit for getting her MA after she was married and had two boys AND struggling with Paranoid Schizophrenia. I rely very heavily on the happy years that we had.

Take all this as you can. You not only have to help and understand your mother's feelings, but you've got your own feelings to deal with.