now im free to do as I please

I quit therapy today. Almost cried on the way home, but found out I just couldn't. I wanted to. I wanted to bawl my eyes out and scream and cry but I just couldn't do it...now that I don't have to go to therapy and worry about her seeing any cuts or scars, I'm free to go. I imagined it on the way home...how many, how deep, where, when. I know, it's sick and disgusting and if anyone ever told me the things I'm saying here I'd recommend them to years of therapy and pills. But that's my scared ignorance. I sabotaged my recovery by never allowing it a chance to happen. Now I can continue in my self destruction until there's nothing left to destruct.

((((((((((((( yes )))))))))))))))

Just because you have quit therapy and now you're free to cut doesn't mean you have to. You can still change your mind. There are days when I decide I am going to cut and get the blades out, even run them against my skin, but I try not to cut for myself... not for somebody else. Just trying not to cut is a form of therapy, in my opinion. I haven't made a single cut in 3 months now though it gets hard sometimes. But holding out for myself, rather than for somebody else, I find more useful than trying not to cut for somebody else.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{yesitsme}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Not going to therapy doesn't mean you have to give in. It's an excuse, I think, but not a reason to do it. I know it will be and is hard, but try. Write, post, call someone. You can manage--it is possible. It will take extra effort, but eventually you will be able to quit forever. I believe in you!