[splitimage]

I used to be hyper motivated and ambitious. I got my MBA and my accounting designation while working in a high stress job. I was a workaholic on the career fast track through my 20's / early 30's. Then I got derailed with mental health and addiction issues (alcoholism). I've been struggling with getting and staying sober since 2006 - I've been sober most of that period but have had multiple relapses. I'm doing loads better on the MH front, although I still struggle with periods of depression. I'm working in an ok job but it's several steps below my skill level, way less money than I'm used to making, and is essentially dead end. I figure I need to be in it another 12-18 months so that I'll have some stability on my resume, plus this isn't a great time for job hunting.

Plus there's the issue of my music. I know I'm capable of getting up to performance standard on the harp, but I have no motivation to practice - it's almost like a fear of failure, fear of success. If I fail, my Dad was right when he said I had no musical talent, when he sold our piano when I was 15 and in grade 9 at the conservatory, if I succeed I know that was a lie and I could probably have had a career in music.

I just feel stuck. Deep down I'm still incredibly ambitious. I still want to be a controller or CFO someday. I want to be able to perform in public, but it's like I can't harness the drive I used to have to do it. I'm too apathetic, and feel like I've screwed up everything with my drinking, and feel limited by the knowlege that my depression could always come back & land me in the hospital again. I know my priority right now has to be my sobriety & I've really committed to putting everything into that, but part of me resents that.

But part of me just really wants back that 20 year old belief in myself that I can acheive anything I want if I just work hard enough towards it and really dedicate myself to it. I just don't know how to get it.

So how do you get back a belief in yourself and your abilities and your motivation after multiple set backs? I know I can never be my 20 year old self again - too much has happenned, but I have to believe some of my drive has remained - I just can't find it.

--splitimage

Hello, splitimage. What helped me was to set simple goals. Success breeds success, and confidence. Break down larger goals into smaller increments.

Too, remind yourself that not always succeeding does not mean you will always fail. I appreciate Churchill's quote: "Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm."

Good luck.

[lynn P.]

I agree with the great advice from ((TheByzantine)) - just keep going and don't be judgemental of yourself. I find when a person's depresed, very often their creative side suffers - so if you're an artist, musician, writer etc - you'll likely feel flat and uninspired. For example I suffer from low grade circumstantial depression and I love writing and art - when I'm having a bad day I just can't come up with the words to express myself. Depression dampens creativity.

I agree - set small goals and it's okay if you fail or not completely awesome. I wonder if you've tried exercising, because this is a wonderful way to boost everything. I hope you will find some inspiration and get that 'zing' back.

[Renovation]

You're a young person and have your whole life ahead of you. It sounds like you have some wonderful gifts/talents. Don't be afraid to continue to dream big. You have so much to offer. And it is never too late. I'm 52-years old and four months ago had to close my business because of the economy. This is a trying time for me but I am going through a process whereby I am allowing myself to dream big again and restart my company. I find that reaching out to professionals like psychologists and career/life coaches can be very helpful as can reading any number of self-help book.

During these challenging times, I believe it's more important than ever to give thanks for our small blessings. Even though the job may be below your capabilities, give thanks that you have a source of income. Perhaps you can join an association for finance professionals to start networking. You might also consider doing some volunteer work. You have beautiful gifts. Share them with others and you'll get all the encouragement you need to keep your dreams alive.