Suggestions for Change

Sometimes a person is only capable of a hug either because of being scared, nervous or simply because that person does not have the words. Just a hug might mean, I don't know what to say, but I want you to know I read your post and I care. It might also mean, I wish I could say more, I hope you will accept this hug. Just my opinion though.

(there is a button/link to all the mods, GG -- it's the little icon below each post that looks like this: )

I second what wanttoheal said. I know a hug isn't a lot, but sometimes it's all I can think of. It's not to get post count up or anything. There's no perks in it.

I really don't have anything to add as far as changes. No matter what the rules say, people are going to interpret them differently so there's always going to be some bruised feelings and the assumption that some people get preferential treatment.

just my 2 cents worth..

I will say this much I do like ozzies suggestions letting us know how well the mods work together, when I was one we all worked as a team..

adn to agree with Doc, it is very hard to keep one mod or admin on site at all times..
LMo is correct it does list the mods at the bottom of the page, but it would be nice to have a way to know when we could go to one if they were online, like maybe make it where they could nto hide, when they where online,
I know it is everyones on privicay issues if they do not want others to see them online, but if we as a member really do need to talk to a mod, we should be able to see them???

Dont we hve a sectoin on how to become a MOd in the FAQ"s

I totally agree with you, about the hugs. I'm also a huggers, so ((((((((((((((((wantto)))))))))))))))))

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Dont we hve a section on how to become a MOd in the FAQ"s

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Not that I have seen. I just checked the FAQs and I don't see anything about it.

This thread is a really good idea. I think that a thread like this once a month even would be a lot of help, sort of a "group conscience".

I had two ideas, one is about "iffy" posts or threads. Say Billybob starts a thread about a topic and a mod or admin reads it and sees how this thread could be very triggering or possibly cause problems due to the subject matter. Instead of locking it, what about a little warning at the beginning of the topic? Such as, "This thread has been flagged due to topics A, B and C. Members sensitive to these issues should use caution in reading." Because I might come a long and be totally triggered because topic B happened in my childhood, but January might come a long and go, oh topic B, yeah, I relate to that, I can help. This might help in those times where a member is just really upset and needs to talk about an issue that is harmful to others.

As for mods being online, when I've needed them, I've looked in "who's online". What frustrates me is when i can see the member status as "mod" but that person has set their status to invisible. What's the point in knowing a mod is online if I don't know who it is and can't ask for help? Now I totally understand that the mods would like days where they can browse the forums without being seen. I've had my "invisible days" too. Perhaps when they select "invisible", their mod status gets turned off, so we have no clue they're even there and don't get frustrated? That way they can have their breaks too. I agree also that maybe more mods are needed. That way there are more to share the work load. Can't have one waitress with 50 tables, right?

Thanks for the opportunity to share ideas. This is really great, and I think it will make us feel like more of a community, which will ease tension also.

Rayna

Oh, one more thing I just noticed, when we post and put (pos trigger), well, a trigger about what? Might be helpful if we say (pos trigger about A). Just a footnote.

Rayna

D'oh! Thanks for pointing that out to me. What a good idea!

gg

Never thought if it until this thread. It's working already! Whoo hoo!!!

Okay, tonite after reading this I will become "visable", I had switched to "invisable" in the past cause we had an ex-member (a long time ago) that just wouldn't let up with the stalking and nasty PM's when I was a fairly new member, so that is when I went "invisable".
If my changing this tonite helps anyone, I will gladly be "visable" with much pleasure
This is great, this thread, learning what changes people would like and also at the same time what people seem satisfied with.
How refreshing
Take care,

DE

Great, all the information about finding out which mods or admins are online at any given time to PM or email them with a concern is a very good idea.

Just for clarification, the little "notify moderator" icon at the end of each post only notifies the moderators for that forum of a thread to look into (via email). It's not the best system (since you could be online and reading the forums, but not check your email until later).

Keep 'em comin'!

John, thanks for this thread. I appreciate your openness to improvements.

- I'd like to second the request for a "Moderators Mailbox" that all of the admins and mods could read, as well as reading the replies sent. This should lead to quicker responses than sending a note to one or two mods, and also would help keep the whole moderation staff informed on problems and how they are being handled.

- This idea isn't very well fleshed out, but I'd like to see some way of helping when communication breaks down between a member and the moderators, such as when a member can't understand what's being asked of them, or when they can't make themselves understood to the mods. Perhaps a member could ask one other person to act as an advocate or mediator, and they could share PM's with just that one person. I think it's great that issues get handled privately, but if the person is having trouble understanding what they are being told, it can lead to them feeling "picked on." I'm not sure this is quite the right solution, but I think it would help a lot for there to be some way of preventing small communication problems from turning into big resentments.

- I think it would be great to have something equivalent to a "Notify Moderator" button for PM's. This would allow people to report threatening or harrassing PM's, and would ensure that the mods see them in their entirety (cutting and pasting into a new message allows for editing).

- Finally, this is not a recommendation for a change so much as a request of the membership as a whole. While I understand that it is occasionally necessary to recommend to a member that they might be better served at a different online community, I think the *only* appropriate person to make this suggestion is John. I think for one member to tell another member (either specifically or generally) to leave, or to find another site, violates the community guideline that prohibits "messages meant to intimidate or harass others." Again, this is just a request on my part, but I would very much like to see a complete end to posts that suggest people should leave here, for any reason. IMO, only John and the mods decide who should leave.

Thanks again, John, for the opportunity to think of ways to make this site a better place.

I'd like to key off of a combination of Kathyanita's and Fayerodey's ideas.

Perhaps by increasing the sense of safety for so many who benefit well from that, we might simultaneously afford some greater lattitude for some of us who seek out levels of conversation which are too much for others for whatever of a variety of valid reasons. I agree with Pat in feeling a need to be able to have "harder" conversations somehow, without diminishing it for others, or by their sensitivity having our experience diminished by them.

To expand on the lifeguard on duty feeling that is vital to some, others of us seek out something more like a beach with a "swim at your own risk" sign on it. By entering we could perhaps be agreeing to a greater level of responsibility for self care as to triggering etc?

Hope I've expressed that clearly enough to mean something. Anyway, I sure appreciate what you're doing with this thread. I welcome the opportunity, invitation to get together on this idea as a community. Pretty cool. Thanks.

sqrl.

This therad is wonderfull.. I love the ideas we are all comign up with..

I feel even better being a member here..

I do like that DE, is going to start being visible again, I do understand the invisible aspect too, trust me I used to be invisble because of things like that too DE, but I feel safer now, ..

Much thanks Doc, for all of the chance to give our ideas..
Wonderful ideas..

HEY NOW???

Can you or someone tell me what you mean by "harder" conversations? My immediate assumption was politics or religion. I'll go with that.....

This is one of the things my mind can't grasp - I've tried. When there are 1000 sites regarding politics and religion...I don't understand why people want to post about those issues here on a mental health support site? It's like people want this to be Walmart - you should get EVERYTHING in one place.

I prefer shopping in smaller speciality shops myself. This may be one of those things I just won't ever understand....I'm used to that.

I envision this place as one where I go to obtain and offer support for mental health issues, or general cheering up. I think others consider it a city where all things should be available. I think it's just a different view of this place.

And if I made the wrong assumption, I'm sure someone will let me know!!

emmy

difficult to define emmy, but I'm referring to all the little ways people are able to "object" to one or another aspect of communication, and it seems to cover more possibilities than I can anticipate or here articulate. I'd like there to be at leas one place where the rule was, if you don't like it, don't be here. I'm not meaning to imply some debached valueless area is needed, but one where posters don't need to worry about the too wide a variety to be aware of triggers for people. A place, where if you know you are "triggered" easily you just don't go.

Sometimes it feels stifling to have everything moderated to the very lowest denominator of tolerance.

So much of recovery for some of us is a breaking out, breaking free process. And it seems a shame that the therapeutic exuberance of that expression is expressed at such peril. It seems as vital a need in the whole process as all the others we try to accomodate here. I'm searching for a way to make a little more room I guess.

sqrl.

Maybe like a rumpus room for those who are ready for a higher functioning level of sincere tough love talk, is that what ya mean bushy tail?
Angie

I'm wondering; Would it be possible to put the Guidelines in a separate page, as in an agreement, where they have to be read before membership is completed? If you click "I agree" then they are agreeing to conform to the Guidelines. They would also have the choice to "Do Not Agree" and membership would be denied.

If each Guideline was presented with a button to agree or disagree, the person might not be so quick to click "I Agree" and move on.

Just a thought.

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I had two ideas, one is about "iffy" posts or threads.

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Rayna, I completely agree with you! Great idea!

I suppose it could only be a "General" kind of area, and in all respects subject to current guidelines, with the caveat that, people with more difficult trigger responses would be signaled to avoid. Is this starting to take shape perhaps? I'm seeing the possibility appear more and more simple. There are so many things that trigger different people, and when it isn't one of your own, its hard to keep track of what might and might not, if I even think about it at all. It would be nice to be able to carry on a variety of conversations someplace where you didn't have to think about it quite so much.

sqrl.

A rumpus room A rumpus room

What about some more kul emoticons I mean smileys! -&gt;

I with the rest of them we need more smiles yes yes please doc John