[Beyond77]

Hello all,

Just needed to vent a little today...I'm sorry if some of this sounds immature and high-schoolish, but it's still bothering me and I need to get it all out.

I got on Facebook not too long ago, and while I enjoy it for the most part, I've been also feeling a bit depressed and anxious about some things. Two situations in particular:

1.) I just found out that one of my friends (someone who I actually knew and worked with at one point, we got along OK, and they actually asked me to be their friend when I got on Facebook) has apparently unfriended me. And maybe blocked me as well, because I can't find this person in searches now. The last thing I did was "like" one of their statuses a few days ago, and then poof.

I can't think of a thing I did to this person at all, online or in real life, and it doesn't help that this person is also friends with a lot of my other contacts online. I keep my Facebook very tight, I don't post embarrassing pictures or even really swear, and I never talk about other people (unless maybe its a celebrity or something, and even then I keep things neutral for the most part). So I don't get it?

2.) The other is the fact that a person I know (also worked with at one point--I've spoke about this person on the board before in several posts, but not on this particular topic) is apparently friending everyone we both worked with except me. I know this because I am currently friends with several people who worked at the same place (the same place as where I worked with the person in #1, too) and I can see that the person adds pretty much everyone who walked in the door...so I decided that I would try to send them a request myself. I did this in honest spirits, not to be sneaky. They ignored it.

Now, this normally wouldn't be a big deal for several reasons: I know that people have things they don't want shared with everyone on FB. This person and I also had some pretty tense encounters in the past (as described in some of my previous posts), so I can see and understand not wanting me on the page. But when you feel, and it pretty much looks like, everyone else who stepped in the door (and I do mean EVERYONE) is ok to be on the list, but you're banned, it makes you feel kind of bad.

Basically, all of this has made me wonder how other people really see me. And it's stressing me out to the point of panic attacks. I can't get this stuff out of my head for some reason, and it's driving me nuts.

I know, I know, it's just the internet, time to disconnect. Sure I could do that, but these things are bothering me so much, I think, because they bleed out in a way into my "offline" life as well. I don't have a lot of "offline" friends that I see that often (I do know most of my other FB friends, and there's not a whole lot of them either, but a good number of those I talk with online live in another state), and stuff like this just makes me feel like a total loser. I think all the time--am I really a "good" person? Do I have some sort of "evil" in me that I'm not seeing, that is somehow worse than other people's? I have done so much self reflection on this it's insane. And I still can't come up with an answer. If you'll look at my past posts, with the whole April/June thing, you'll see that I've been struggling with this for a long time.

I would love to have some peace of mind, let the past be past, and find out what kind of person I really am. But it seems to be eluding me--I've worked with T's on this before and haven't been able to get to an answer, either.

If you've made it this far, thank you for hanging in there and reading

Honestly, if you are getting this stressed out over facebook, you really just need to stay off of it. If you insist on staying on it, you just need to enjoy the people you interact with and not worry about the rest. Instead of focusing on who you don't interact with, focus on those you do. I'm on facebook and I haven't got a clue who may have ignored me and it really doesn't matter to me. You are really putting too much weight into this. Think about all those people who DO want to interact with you. Don't waste your energy on the rest.

[Beyond77]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Honestly, if you are getting this stressed out over facebook, you really just need to stay off of it. If you insist on staying on it, you just need to enjoy the people you interact with and not worry about the rest. Instead of focusing on who you don't interact with, focus on those you do. I'm on facebook and I haven't got a clue who may have ignored me and it really doesn't matter to me. You are really putting too much weight into this. Think about all those people who DO want to interact with you. Don't waste your energy on the rest.

Hi Farmergirl,

Thank you for your reply. I dunno, I guess the reason all of this bothers me so much is because, like I said above, that things like this feel like a reflection on me in "real" life. Which seems even weirder on paper because, like you said, I do have people that I interact with a lot on FB, people I've known for awhile that I care about and have fun "talking" to. Problem is...sadly, if it wasn't Facebook I was worried about, it'd probably be something else. I feel sometimes that the "I don't care what people think" gene isn't in my DNA

On paper I agree that the whole thing sounds silly. I really don't know why it's getting into my head this much, and I wish I knew the answer to solve it. Well, I DO know the answer, actually--it's what you said!--but getting that to "feel right" in my brain is proving to be harder than I'd thought.

One other thing that may be a factor is the fact that I'm unemployed right now; I was laid off a few months ago. So everything probably seems emotionally MUCH bigger than it normally would be.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

*Offers the thread submitter a hug*

Yeah, all these social networking sites; it can get hairy. People can be idiots. It doesn't matter. Let them be idiots and you get on with your own stuff. There's deffinitely one thing I've learnt and that's if someone doesn't like you, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it just means they don't like you.

We're all unique and ergo we can't all mix together. If some people are being childish, just shrug it off as they are the ones being childish.

While I do find myself getting pissed off with some people, comments and actions, I usually end up at the same conclusion; their loss and they're just idiots anyway.

Don't waste your time 'cause of them if they can't give any for you.

[Indie'sOK]

I would feel the exact same way as you do I'm sorry I can't offer more support, just letting you know you aren't alone!

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Beyond77

I would love to have some peace of mind, let the past be past, and find out what kind of person I really am. But it seems to be eluding me--I've worked with T's on this before and haven't been able to get to an answer, either.

Hi Beyond77, I know very little about Facebook (and don't much care to learn more), so I'll only respond to the rest of your post. Posts, actually -- I went back and looked at what you wrote earlier (before my time here) in My Type-A personality is ruining my life, In one hell of a pickle..., and Was I in the wrong here?

It sounds to me as if you're convinced that there's something wrong with you that other people are all reacting to, and that you're the only one who can't see it. To keep this discussion from getting too convoluted, I'm going to be referring to this as "The Perception" for short.

From here, it looks as if you've been mostly looking to other people to tell you what kind of person you are, what kind of person you need to be, and how to go about getting from one to the other. I'd expect that you'd get widely different answers from those who choose to answer at all; that quite a few would figure it was none of their business what kind of person you are and perhaps be mildly annoyed that you're even asking; and that some, like the co-workers you described earlier, would take it as an invitation to project their own issues onto you.

It seems to me that most of the responses you don't like that you seem to be getting from others, are actually an illusion -- meaningless answers to a nonsense question, artifacts of The Perception. People may be uncomfortable around you because they see you trying too hard to be who they want you to be and they don't want the responsibility for telling you who to be.

I'm not telling you to give up The Perception; I suspect you'd miss it if you did. I think it would work better for you to start by finding something more interesting to replace it with.

Good luck (if that's a factor here)

[Junerain]

Instead of worrying about how OTHERS see you...

How do you see YOURSELF?

What are all your positive traits? One is that you write and express yourself well

Have you ever made a list about all the good things about you?

You could do it here in this thread..

[Beyond77]

Thanks,everyone, for your replies and encouragement. Venting definitely helps sometimes (even if it's something as whiny as this. lol), and it is good to hear that I'm not alone

Originally Posted by Fool Zero

Hi Beyond77, I know very little about Facebook (and don't much care to learn more), so I'll only respond to the rest of your post. Posts, actually -- I went back and looked at what you wrote earlier (before my time here) in My Type-A personality is ruining my life, In one hell of a pickle..., and Was I in the wrong here?

It sounds to me as if you're convinced that there's something wrong with you that other people are all reacting to, and that you're the only one who can't see it. To keep this discussion from getting too convoluted, I'm going to be referring to this as "The Perception" for short.

From here, it looks as if you've been mostly looking to other people to tell you what kind of person you are, what kind of person you need to be, and how to go about getting from one to the other. I'd expect that you'd get widely different answers from those who choose to answer at all; that quite a few would figure it was none of their business what kind of person you are and perhaps be mildly annoyed that you're even asking; and that some, like the co-workers you described earlier, would take it as an invitation to project their own issues onto you.

It seems to me that most of the responses you don't like that you seem to be getting from others, are actually an illusion -- meaningless answers to a nonsense question, artifacts of The Perception. People may be uncomfortable around you because they see you trying too hard to be who they want you to be and they don't want the responsibility for telling you who to be.

I'm not telling you to give up The Perception; I suspect you'd miss it if you did. I think it would work better for you to start by finding something more interesting to replace it with.

Good luck (if that's a factor here)

FoolZero,

I think you've definitely hit the nail on the head here--the only thing I would say differently is that I would LOVE to be able to give up "The Perception", because it obviously causes me a lot of stress and heartache. I probably wouldn't miss it one bit And you're also right that the situations I described in my past posts seemed to have strengthened the power of The Perception to me. Logically, I can see myself as a fairly good person, but one that's human all the same; no worse than your average person, really. But emotionally, that's a different story.

For some reason--and as you read in my posts, that was a very intense situation, to say the least--I began to wonder if what these people were saying/implying was true, that only someone who was "evil", childish, fake, and selfish under the surface would do something like make the call I did. After all, if a bunch of people say/imply something, and some people agree with them, it logically must be true, right? A bunch of people can say things like that and it takes over my perceptions and tends to become the "truth". But, I tend to forget in the heat of the moment that there may be others who would say just the opposite. I can also look at someone and not use black/white thinking when honestly describing them (for example, I couldn't say about anyone I've spoke of as "they're just bad people" because it isn't true), but I can't seem to extend the same thinking to myself.

I would love to have a stronger sense of self-perception, which I consider different from self-esteem/self-worth. Most people can go around knowing who they are and not allow others' thoughts to change how they see themselves, even if they hurt--and I would give anything to know the "secret" to it all.

[Beyond77]

Originally Posted by Junerain

Instead of worrying about how OTHERS see you...

How do you see YOURSELF?

What are all your positive traits? One is that you write and express yourself well

Have you ever made a list about all the good things about you?

You could do it here in this thread..

Hi Junerain,

Just saw your post. Thanks for the complement on the writing

As for my other good qualities, well right off: I tend to think of myself (when not in the middle of a crazy situation or thinking about a crazy situation ) as a good person. I can say that I try to be kind and nice to many people, and despite what others think sometimes, it's not an act or "forced"; it feels natural to me. I do often have empathy toward others, and have a strong sense of justice (if someone is wronged, etc.)

When it's on paper, it's funny; I have a hard time thinking how other people (or even myself) could think of me as "bad"! Of course, I'm not 100% angel 100% of the time, but I guess most people aren't, so that shouldn't be a problem. So my challenge right now, what I'm struggling with, is to simply get that perception to really stick--not to feel superior to anyone, but to know that I have many good qualities and that what other people think shouldn't change how I see myself.

I do think that Fool Zero had a very good observation about other people projecting their own issues. I hadn't thought much about it before, but when I look back on things with that in mind, I can remember several things through the years that were said, done, etc. to me that suggest this.

Thank you all for the listening ears, support, observations, etc. This has been more helpful and insightful than you know

[Renovation]

Not a lot to add other than you are obviously a very caring person that any friend would be lucky to have.

[Dave255]

I don't use Facebook, but I read an article about how it takes people back to the mental state of high school. People are so concerned about how many friends they have, compare them to others, how many comments and hits they get.

What your describing doesn't happen much in the real world, if someone doesn't want to talk to you they will just ignore you, they wouldn't say to you I don't want to be your friend anymore without explaining why, but in the world of high school it happened a fair bit. If the environment is like high school, people begin to behave like it.