[emiliyrivdezra]

so in the past i've been told that i have anger issues & yes it's true. plus, there's a long line of hot tempered people in my family. lately i've been really edgy. i get annoyed easily, i get tensed, i wanna scream really loud, my chest tightens... i just don't like myself & realize this but sometimes it's just too late. plus, i know it's probably doing a number on me health wise. i have a long list of previous diagnosis, but i've been off my meds for about 2 years now & also haven't used for a while too. all i know is, i don't want to go back on meds for my depression & everything else i might feel. i've been really good at balancing out my moods, but i'm thinking that maybe my shift has to do with the fact that i had a baby about 9 months ago. my father passed away recently, on my birthday actually. i wanna take care of myself mentally & physically, but i've gone through this process so many times, that i'm terrified of heading back. i don't want to be numb, i want to see my children grow up & remember every moment. maybe i need a friend to talk too & that will help, whatever it may be, i'll accept with open arms as long as i don't go back to the downward spiral.

[jennaorgana]

oh wow, you've been through a lot of life changes in the past year. a baby and the death of a father... that's enough to drive anyone a little bit nutty.

this sounds dumb, but are you seeing someone? like a T or P? sometimes just having someone "not in the drama" to talk to to have a 3rd person view. this site works like that as well... there's a ton of people to talk to and a ton of people who will give you some incredible advice or just be a really good listener.

there are other alternatives to meds, and there are alternatives to the meds you had taken that made you feel numb. i can totally understand why you would want to be alive and aware while your children grow up... that's what motherhood is about, i suppose. take it step by step. heading back into the "dark place" is scary, especially when you can see it happening ahead of you.

please keep me updated on how you do, ok? and again, congratulations on the baby!! and i am so sorry for your loss.

[skyliner]

That's a lot you're dealing with!
Can you balance it with some extra self-care?
Take gentle care,

You have gone through the process many times in the past. Why did the process not work? Do you think you are capable of accomplishing what you want without professional help? You seem to be more motivated now; more determined to deal with the issues.

My thought is that professional help will benefit you. My suggestion is to copy your post and give it to your therapist. Tell the therapist why previous attempts to resolve your issues did not work. Ask the therapist if he/she thinks she/he can help you.

Good luck.