[jen29]

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the thoughts for today. As some of you may know i went for a meeting with the low-income apartment people. I was under the impression that they had an apartment for me, but they wanted me to move to a different town that i could get an apartment for the same rent. Well with no car and knowing no one i can't do that. So am on the waiting list once again for an apartment. I guess it's not so bad...4 or 5 on the list.

The thing is that i need to get out of where am living now. It has served it's purpose. My dad and step-mom have been nice and supportive but thought being out on my own now was the right thing and steps to improve my mental health. I don't know how I feel right now. I guess I shouldn't be so down because there are people out there with no home right?

I knew I shoudn't have gotten my hopes up. It never fails to have them pushed away when I do that. I tried so hard not to get them up, but was excited and looking forward to getting the chance to be on my own and have my own rules and worry about only myself and be able to do what i want to do when i want to do them. I don't know, am probably overreacting....sorry. Guess I just thought maybe some more positive things were going to happen in my life. Guess not.

Well, thanks again everyone. take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Jen

All is not lost, jen29. Now is the time to plan how you will get from where you are to where you are going to -- without a car and knowing no one.

Good luck.

[jen29]

am just dissapointed because i got my hopes up, i have to learn that never works for me

[(JD)]

Whoa! I just said those same words recently, and it is NOT a good place to be, not in your best interest.

I'm trying to think about the good feelings I had with that "hope" and how it carried me for that short period of time. I'm also trying to take focus off the disappointment. That's life.

It's very easy to fall into distortive thinking if we don't counter that negative thought of "I know better ... having hope never works." See what I mean? Of course those are false statements. You and I can always hope, and there is no "knowing better" than to have hope for any given situation. Hope is a good thing, and it will get us through until the next scenario again.

I'm glad you didn't take the other apartment, and I hope that the next one is just perfect for you! Focus on getting ready and accumulating what you will need when you do have your own place. Put back a few dollars now and then, so you will be able to buy something new that pleases you too!

[HereIamBp]

That wasn't the apartment for you. The right one will come. Don't lose hope.

[jen29]

Thanks everyone for all your kind words and support. I have learned in the past that getting my hopes up is always the worst thing i can do for myself. It seems I usually dissapoint myself or get dissapointed.

I mean the person i talked to on Monday about the apartment gave me the impression that I had an apartment that I could afford. And she did have one, just not in the same town that I live in now. It's 20 miles away and wouldn't be able to see my T or my family hardly at all. I won't be going there, and am very disappointed in both not getting the apartment and myself for getting myself in this position. I just knew this would happen. Seems like it happens every time.

I have been doing really well mentally for the past month or so, but this past week to week and a half things have been tough. Flashbacks have come back to haunt me and talking about them with T is hard as it is. It's a subject that I never ever wanted to talk to anyone about and I talked to her about it and now I feel ashamed and guilty and dirty and other things along with that.

I have been living with my dad and step-mom 2 years May 1st and I just need to get OUT! I can't stand it here anymore. I feel like everything i do is wrong or they are thinking something...I don't know, I know it's my own insecurities at the moment.

Sorry for ranting and babbling, I just don't know what else to do or say. I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. I guess this is a great place to turn to when you need support because you guys are wonderful.

Thanks everyone
Hugs again,
Jen

((((((((( jen29 )))))))))