was it my fault?

I know I have a thing with getting hostile and aggressive at times about my space. But it's been much calmer lately.

Then this morning in Tesco [kind of like Walmart - ish] I was walking around the clothing, which is pretty narrow. I turned the corner to be confronted by a woman with a huge trolley containing a child. She said "excuse me" and the trolley was practically in my stomach! I thought I was quite reasonable, and said "can you just give me some time to move back?" as she was edging her trolley further forward. I thought my tone of voice was pretty polite. But maybe not, because she said "you don't have to be so rude!" I felt ashamed and chastened and sad and hurt. Because the one time I felt I was being reasonable and not rude, I get told I am! And that ... hurts. It wasn't like it was easy to back up, the clothing section being somewhat maze like. It's not really wide enough for trolleys in the first place. Maybe I was rude, even though I didn't feel it, as, after all, I was tired, and had bad period cramps.

Was I being rude? Was I in the wrong?
Or was I actually being reasonable?

Women in Tesco with shopping trollies can be mighty evil! This is one reason why I do most of my shopping online now. Please do not let it upset, you are not to blame. Hugs

I agree with Pegasus, you are not to blame. That woman could have been having a bad day, and just decided to take it out on you. You have nothing to be ashamed of!

Nooooo, you were NOT rude!! She most definitely was and I'm so sorry to hear she's made you doubt yourself!

I have such low self esteem and somebody calling me rude would upset me a hell of a lot (I still remember being told I was "blunt" 5 years ago!) so I understand it's knocked you back a bit and made you start thinking "wasI was rude??"... but no, you weren't.

I think if it had been me I would have just shrank away, just accepting that this RUDE woman was pushing her trolley into me... but I think it's really cool of you to speak up. But not in a rude way, just in a real way, sort of, making her aware that she's pushing you and asking for her to wait for you to move. You have every right to say what you did, and I admire you for it.

I remember reading somewhere, possibly in one of Miss Manners' columns, that it's rude to give others unasked-for lessons in manners.

Since you apparently didn't try to return the favor, Fool Zero would score this encounter: sorrel, 1; lady with trolley, 0.

"So sorry you accuse me of being rude; what do you do when you are not being a harridan?".

While I personally do not see what you did or said as being rude... I also wasn't there in person, therefore, I do not know what the tone of your voice was - that which the lady may have mistaken as being rude... I say this because my husband often talks with a tone that leaves some people thinking he is being rude or angry with them when he is not.

The woman with the trolly was definitly acting rude, when she tried to run you over and how she responded to your simple response. Your conduct was perfectly appropiate.

When people act rudely they often hate being called out on it. If they pretend and act like your the rude one they can avoid admitting they are out of line.

They are full of frustration and anger when they behave that way. So its not like they are getting the better of it.

Gosh you sound so much like me..always worrying about what the other person thinks/says.

I've recently become quite aquainted with a very short phrase

"It is what it is".

I used to overanalyze everything, pull it apart...blaah..

No one was physically hurt during the "event", so try not to fret too much...even though its hard

when a person says "excuse me" because they are trying to get around you the customary thing to do is for them to wait for you to move rather than bulldoze their way thru. that was rude on her part. as for your response we weren't there so we can't judge your tone but the fact that you are so concerned in hindsight makes me think you probably weren't rude but just caught a bit off-guard. don't sweat it!

I think the woman with the trolley was seeing her own rudeness and projecting that onto you. Why? So she could also project the feeling of guilt onto you so that she doesn't have to feel it.

She could think that you are striped, but that wouldn't make it true, it makes it just her thought and that's all. We all get to have our own thoughts and they don't have to match.

Thanks everyone. You speak truth.

Unfortunately being misunderstood by that woman yesterday has stirred up my own mouthy hostile rude self state in public today. Very shameful. At least I understand my own internal dynamics some more, I guess.

perhaps the woman was projecting her own rudness. One must shop in waitrose to get a better class of shopper LOL!

I think its just a stupid thing. dont worry about it. Maybe she was having a bad day, and it's not really your fault. Kinda a reflex, so whatever. No biggie

So, what is the lesson to be learned from this?

That something isn't always my fault?

That we all have our own stress and it's not necessarily anything to do with someone standing in the way.

And so it is. Amen.