[la doctora]

So I see this endocrinologist for other health issues that I also have. I saw him last week and had to update him on all my recent mental health issues, including GAD and bipolar. He started asking me questions about it, and then wanted to know what some of my specific anxieties were. I felt uncomfortable immediately but I still answered him generically by saying that I was worried about money among other things. He wanted to know if we have kids and I told him no. He responded by saying that was a good thing because kids bring more stress. I told him that actually that subject is a source of anxiety for me bc of the fact that I am ready for kids but my husband isn't quite ready yet. He began to lecture me with this stern look in his eye, telling me that my husband was right and I should wait until my life is more stable. I just looked at him and he continued to lecture me until I said that it was a woman thing. I wanted to get up and go kick him in the gonads! I should only have to defend myself to my husband! He doesn't know crap about me and my life. Just because I have mental illness, it doesn't mean I will be a bad mother! In fact, I think I will be happier bc it is something I want so badly. I feel like you women will identify with me here. I feel like he stepped over the boundaries with his "advice".

What do y'all think? Did he cross the line? Or am I over reacting to good advice? (Grrrr... This makes me fuming mad!)

[Typo]

I agree with you la doctora I think he WAY over stepped a line there, it would be one thing if your T or pdoc had mentioned something on the subject, because they have a bigger insight imo, but a doctor? No,and to lecture you is way out of line, to give advice from professional perspective is one thing, but to lecture you like your a child is another, it's rather unprofessional in my opinon.

It's your body, your choice to have kids, or not, and when to have them! I probably wouldn't have handeled it as well as you did, I would have gotten spit fire mad.

I had a "friend" tell me once that I probably wouldn't make a good mom because I"m bipolar and get really unstable at times, and maybe I should reconisder my desisre to have children, needless to say we weren't friends very much longer after that, I agree with you la doctora just because someone has a mental illness doesn't mean they will make a bad parent! As long as you have your mental health in check and have a good team together, then you can be a very good parent! If you can take responsiblity for something as daunting and frustrating as managing a mental illness then I think IMO you can take responsiblity for another life as long as you are stable and have a good support group around you.

(((((((((((La doctora)))))))))

[Evening]

You have every right to be fuming, it's a doctors job to diagnose people and prescribe things, not tell people how to run your life. And even then they mess it up half the time, I've already been diagnosed with depression, bi-polar and OCD, when none of it was right.
And even if he did want to speak up about you not having kids, perhaps he could have said it in a different way, like asking if it was something you are really sure you are ready for.

[kadesgirl09]

I agree he was way over the line lecturing you. I had a gyno one time tell me that my miscarraiges were a blessing in disguise because I shouldnt have been having kids at the time anyways. what a jerk. i totally get it. and prolly wouldnt go back to that doctor without giving him a lecturing first. I have two kids now (11 and 1) plus my adopted 3 y/o... so three total and Im not perfect but I do my damnest to stay on my meds and stay stable so that Ican be productive and consistent with those boys. screw him for saying that... ggggrrrrrr from me too

[mamaJenof5]

Sometimes I question my ability as a mother b/c of being bipolar. But like my doctor says who doesn't question their abilities as a parent for some reason or another? I have 4 children +1 stepson and let me tell you over the past 11 years I have had many issues w/ staying stable for them but really they have made me better than I ever was w/ out them and Ihave no idea as to where I would be or what crazy *** things I would have done if I never had them. Unless you are so unstable you'd be a risk to the safety of your children no one should be telling you if its right for you to have kids or not. I also am a great mother and alot of that is due to the wonderful husband and others that support me when I am in need.

Originally Posted by la doctora

He doesn't know crap about me and my life. Just because I have mental illness, it doesn't mean I will be a bad mother! In fact, I think I will be happier bc it is something I want so badly. I feel like you women will identify with me here. I feel like he stepped over the boundaries with his "advice".

What do y'all think? Did he cross the line? Or am I over reacting to good advice? (Grrrr... This makes me fuming mad!)

I think he was just trying to be helpful and you're over reacting because you're obviously/understandably sensitive about it. As a doctor, he probably seees a lot of patients who have anxiety/stress and their kids make it much worse. He doesn't know "crap" about your life but I mean, you told him something about stress and anxiety about money and wanting kids..and obviously if you're already having money issues then a baby can make things harder when you factor in all the things they need. Poor people have babies everyday and get by but it's still hard and makes money even tighter which is probably the only point he was trying to make. I think you took it to another level saying he was judging you that you would make a bad mother due to mental illness. Doesn't sound like he said you shouldn't have kids because you're "mentally ill" he just commented that your life wasn't "stable". Not saying I agree or disagree - just saying my take on it.

[la doctora]

I appreciate all the replies and viewpoints. I still think it crossed the line because it was unprofessional. I didn't go into details with him bc it is none of his damn business, but if I had, I would have told him that my husband and I have made an agreement with him that we won't try to get pregnant until we are moved back to my family that is a 21 hour drive away. We both agree that it will be "better" to wait until we have the support of others around us. We don't have the first friend where we live now. I made this agreement with my husband and I'll stick to it, but that doesn't mean I don't still have those longing feelings for a child. It didn't turn that desire off inside of me just bc I made an agreement on the subject. That's what the source of anxiety is for me, not money issues. I just have "baby fever" right now. I was just trying to blow the doc off by saying that about the money. His question made me uncomfortable and I didn't want to get into it with him. I think it was generous of me to tell him about the bipolar anyway. He's always really good about asking what meds have changed for me, so I thought I had to tell him that I was on Zyprexa. It was important he knew that, just not so important that he knew why IMO.

I basically think that unless he is my pdoc or therapist, he shouldn't presume to know what is best for me regarding children. Much less lecture me on it.

Thanks again for the support everyone. I knew deep down it wasn't just me that would get upset over this.

[ruffy]

Re: Md response.."Good you have no children because kids bring on more stress." I dont see how this comment has anything to do with the field of endocrinology. It would have been more appropriate and more worth the money you were paying him, if his concern had been directed at the hormonal changes that take place in a womans body during and immediately after pregnancy. I could be wrong about this but his comment to you kind of burned my britches too!!

[Perna]

I don't know; endo docs are the medical "stress" doctor and it sounds like you were talking about things in his field? Having children IS stressful to your endocrine system (production of hormones) and if you have problems there already, it is probably a good idea to wait until other stresses in your life that you can control, are better?

However, that being so, you may not have liked (duh :-) or misunderstood how he expressed himself; he could be a doctor you don't want to work with because you don't like his personality/manner but I don't see anything technically wrong with his advice.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by la doctora

I feel like he stepped over the boundaries with his "advice".

What do y'all think? Did he cross the line? Or am I over reacting to good advice?

I personally do not feel like he crossed the line - I believe he was just trying to to be open and honest with you... some thing a lot of doctor no longer attempt to do out of fear of offending the patient.

[ceje]

Sometimes our demeanor sends off a vibe of self doubt and people sense this and take advantage of it. I have this issue. I wouldn't take it personally persa I would just tell him either fix whatevers wrong or my insurance premium is going elsewhere. Betcha he'll be nicer.