[birdcrazy]

I was so excited for this new job, but now I feel it was a mistake.

I did it mostly to escape a crappy home life, but now trying to do this job, I'm doing worse.

My emotions are neutral when I'm actually working and busy doing something, but when people are around, I get very peppy and want to talk to them all the time even when they are trying to do other things... I'm starting to bother them.

And when people are not around, or as in this case the middle of the night, I am starting to have crying fits.

On top of that, I lost my state disability (not SSI) and medicaid for this job, with a possibility I can't get them back.

Plus I'm getting more physically exhausted than I have with other past jobs. I do have weak muscles, was almost dxed with something or other as a kid, and I probably shouldn't even be doing this.

Also for grad school, my mind is so unclear from the meds, and it's so apparant that the other people around me are much brighter than I, that is why they are going to grad school or are already students...

The doctors keep telling me I am so smart, I should be able to go to grad school, etc... but I feel like I can't handle the stress. If I did go back to school, research would be a huge part of the job and if I can't handle research outside of grad school what am I gonna do.

Should I tell someone here what is going on? The professor? He has no clue of what's wrong with me.

This has ruined my life, with my weird and spotty resume, I don't even have hope of being a Walmart cashier or anything.

I'm thinking of talking to an SSI person... but the doctors keep telling me they would not support me going on SSI and voc. rehab has determined I can work...

[pegasus]

The professor? Are you in school aswell? And what is the job you are doing and how long have you been doing it now?

[birdcrazy]

Originally Posted by pegasus

The professor? Are you in school aswell? And what is the job you are doing and how long have you been doing it now?

I am not in school, I am just a research assistant, I'm working outside doing bird research stuff.

I've been doing this job for about two weeks now.

[pegasus]

(((((((( birdcrazy ))))))))))

Ok, I think you need to be gentle with yourself. Way to go on being a research assistant! It's only been 2 weeks with the job and starting a new job is one of the most stressful times for anyone. Give it some more time. Go back to your Doc if you need more meds or are worried about your health.

You can do this!

[birdcrazy]

I can't go back to doc.... he's far away now.

[pegasus]

I am in the UK so I don't know how the system works over there but can you register with a Doctor near to you while you are away from your normal Doc.

[birdcrazy]

Originally Posted by pegasus

I am in the UK so I don't know how the system works over there but can you register with a Doctor near to you while you are away from your normal Doc.

It would take months to set up a new appointment and I don't have cash or insurance to pay them. They would only see me if I was in crisis.

[pegasus]

((((((( birdcrazy ))))))))

I'm presuming that birds are a real passion of yours and this is something you really enjoy. Marriage, deaths, moving home and starting a new job are the biggies for stress so your symptoms are bound to be a bit triggered at the moment. Give it some more time, try and do some good things for yourself, keep in contact with people and talk if you need to. Be gentle with yourself in knowing that this is stressful at the moment but it will settle down once you get used to it.

Its all very new, I would give yourself a break and not try so hard .....

I am sure you are pushing yourself above and beyond rather than give yourself time to adjust to the new job.

Try and take a step back and take it slow.

[Perna]

Yes, it always took me up to six months to get use to a job and my other co-workers, etc.

I identified with some of what you had to say with talking too much when other people were around, annoying them. That's just a nervous habit, because you're new and not sure how you fit and if you'll be able to do the job okay.

I remember my friends at my last job, where I was for 8 years, telling me that at first they thought I didn't like one woman (the boss's daughter, no less :-) and were surprised when I became one of her best supporters/helpers. Things can change for the better, it all takes time though.

I hope you can hang in there birdcrazy.

Good luck with working through this, birdcrazy.

[birdcrazy]

yeah, I was totally fine during the job today, actually leading someone else through the woods and pointing out an important bird. I seem to be fine when I am busy.

Good for you, birdcrazy.