I don't understand! My ways are changing, and I don't like it!
My grades went down, way to go me. I can't afford for them to go down!!!

I'm becoming more bold, outgoing, and dare I say, possibly a little bit of a trouble maker?
I think the reason why this is happening is because of school elections. I am running for something, but I'm going against someone else who I'm not that friendly with and all.

UGH! My life's becoming a mess, my room's so damn cluttered, like my life and mind.

I mean, this week, I was so lazy that I fell asleep doing homework almost every day! WHY?


..in other words: I'm changing, but I don't know if I like this or not. I'm going to gain respect from others, become more socially active. But can I afford to lose respect too, and have my grades lower a bit? I don't like the sound of this. I sorta want to not expand my boundaries, and stay that same, reserved, halo above my head kid..but still... -_-

[NuckingFutz]

Sounds like you are attempting to expand boundries? Feeling scared when doing this is part of the growth process. You can do this with a good support system in place.

[FooZe]

I'm hearing you going back and forth between two very different viewpoints: the one where you're making your choices, seeing how they turn out and how it feels; and the one where you're looking out for how you'll appear to others.

I find I can (reasonably comfortably ) entertain two or more different viewpoints at the same time as long as I take care not to let them get tangled together. For instance...

Originally Posted by opaquemind0

I mean, this week, I was so lazy that I fell asleep doing homework almost every day!

What happened was: you fell asleep doing homework. What I think you're piling on top of that is that someone might call you lazy (so maybe you'd better run and head them off by calling yourself lazy first.) The trouble is, before you can see what's going on for you ("WHY?" as you put it), you're going to have to lift off some of whatever you've piled on top of it.

I don't know why you fall asleep doing homework. It took me quite a while to figure out that when I fell asleep doing homework, it had to do with being depressed, anxious, and in conflict and having no one around I could really talk to about it. YMMV*.

Good luck, keep looking at this, and keep posting. Do you have anyone (a T or counselor) you could be talking to about this stuff? "A good support system in place," as NF puts it.

--------------------
* Your Mileage May Vary

My thought is you want to beat this guy in the election and nothing else matters at the moment.

NF- I'd like to think so! I wanted some change in my life, and now that it's happening, I'm just really afraid that people wouldn't like this new me. I'm sure I'll have some support. My friends do love me..

Fool Zero- I am SO scared about what people think of me!! I mean, I can really feel right now that I am hated. I don't have a real explanation to back myself up, but I really think that this is happening. I just feel worse and worse about myself sometimes. :|
I hope I am able to balance different ways like you! I'm always a worrier though, so I'm guessing that the more I think about things, the worse things will become. WOW! Yes, that's true. I insult myself before others get a chance, because I feel that somebody is either going to think or say that I'm a lazy little...you know. I'm just waiting for the day that someone will strike.
In conflict. Yes. That's probably it. I haven't felt depressed, or maybe I am, but I know that conflicts are occuring. I just wish I couldn't be in a conflict for once. I'm sure I would be happy. Also, I wish my mileage would last long, but that doesn't seem to happen.
I do not have a T/Counselor. I could really use one, but my folks don't understand me.

Byz- That's true. I want to beat this person, because well, she's never been a friend of mine. We've known each other for sometime, and I don't know. This isn't a matter of winning though.. *sigh* I've tried not to become very obsessed about this, now I will just let things happen. I cannot erase these thoughts out of my mind though, no matter how hard I try..


(Thank you all, and I'm sorry I post so much about my dumb problems. :|)

[FooZe]

Hi opaquemind, while we're playing with holding two different viewpoints at the same time...

...by all means try these:

Originally Posted by opaquemind0

I'm sorry I post so much about my dumb problems.

and:

My friends do love me..

What if ... your friends here didn't mind hearing from you and didn't think your problems were dumb...?

I am SO scared about what people think of me!! I mean, I can really feel right now that I am hated. I don't have a real explanation to back myself up, but I really think that this is happening. I just feel worse and worse about myself sometimes....

I insult myself before others get a chance, because I feel that somebody is either going to think or say that I'm a lazy little...you know. I'm just waiting for the day that someone will strike.

While you keep looking into what that might be about for you (and if it were me, I'd wonder if maybe I hated them and/or had done something to them, and was expecting them to hate me back)... I'm inclined to think that if anyone really does hate you, it's their problem a lot more than it is yours.

Do keep posting -- not only are we interested, but I have a hunch it could be good for you to keep looking at this stuff and writing about it.

[splitimage]

Your problems are most definitely aren't dumb, and I for one want you to keep writing about them, because it helps.

Running for election in school takes real guts because it means putting yourself out there in front of people to be judged in a really big way. I was really involved in student politics in university, and remember how much I hated the whole election process - but it literally took over my life. So I can imagine you're feeling a little overwhelmed.

And it's normal to be a little scared when we're expanding our boundaries and changing, it's really easy to second guess ourselves and start doing negative self talk. How about turning that around and seeing the positives, being more outgoing, more social, maybe meeting new friends. You say your friends like you, they probably still will.

As for your grades, if it's a short term thing, it could be the excitement of the election distracting you, then it's not that big a deal - you can study more once the election is over. But if it's a longer term trend, maybe you want to talk to a school counsellor some counsellors will work with students on study strategies, or be able to recommend a tutor.

Good luck with everything. I know it's scary, but it sounds kind of exciting too.

---splitimage

[Gabi925]

I do not think that any problem could be "dumb" no matter how small or big. It's just a problem - that is now! - and it deserves discussed and we appreciate that you share yourself with us. It seems that you are trying to define yourself and find your balance.

What I don't think is very helpful is to criticize yourself worse than other. Could you.... encourage yourself better than other too? :yourock

What they said.

[thine_self_untrue]

Change is rough. Maybe it would help to make a list of the qaulities you think are important and adhere to who you want to be? That way, even as things and even you yourself chnage, you can compare and contrast to your list.

Good luck in the election! Remember- even if you don't win, youll still have gained some valuable experience.

Good luck, opaquemind0.

[xdreamer]

please consult a doctor or it could get worse

Hi there! Sorry I couldn't respond..yesterday was a busy day! Hope you all are well. Before I comment, I think I found a possible source to my problems. In school, more specifically, math, I sit by this person who has a hard time. She needs my help, and the teacher purposely put us together because she thought I could help. Turns out, she's still having some trouble, and my grade's going down! I can't multi-task..learn in class and help her! I don't know. I can't ask to move spots, that would just be downright bad.
Also, there's just too many things to worry about right now. Yay.. Lol, but it's crucial to work hard though, for finals are really soon. I just have to focus again.. *sigh*

Anyway! Back to the response!

Fool Zero- Hmm..very interesting. When I first read this, it kind of helped. I mean, usually, I'm one to go on and on about my problems (in the real world that is LOL). Now, I notice the problems aren't too bad. Probably because of the good weather. So, yes. I do think that I've done wrong to people. Nothing bad, like sabotage, but still...there's just that feeling. It probably is, lol! Never thought about it like that! Thank you! I think I'm feeling a lot better now that I've posted my thoughts out. (Plus, I excercised a little.. )

Splitimage- Thanks!
Lol, these elections are driving me mad! I'm trying to make a little speech, but I, as my friend said, have to "dumb it down". XD That friend of mine's a one fresh kid lol. I have guts though! I'm not backing down. Never..
Hopefully they'll still like me! I mean, I haven't been that nice kid who everyone liked lately. This bothers me, but I'm slowly becoming bolder. I don't know, I mean, I'm not pleased with this. My open, yet depressed, mind closed. I'm dissapointed in myself that this happened.
I'm very curious to see what happens! I need to focus, make a sacrifice or two, then hopefully, the grades will go up!

^ WOW, what a post! It's so long, lol!

Gabi925- Thank you for all of those kind words! That "You Rock" icon put a smile on my face! I truly needed that. Thank you..
True, true, the time is now..and lol, encourage myself?! Well, I'll work on that. I just seem to be pushing myself rather than encouraging, but it's not too bad though. I mean, I'm not pushing myself that much..

TheByz- They all had great posts, didn't they?
And also, thank you for wishing me the luck (that I need)!

TSU- Hey there! Ugh, change. >.< It's very annoying right now, but I'm hanging on! I like the qualities idea. I made a list of "to do" things, which helped a little. It gave me that extra push.. I think I will make one. I really do love that idea! I think I'll end up hanging that list up, as a nice reminder..
Thank you! I'm very "iffy" on how it may end out, but I will use this as a positive experience!

*phew!* Lol, so much to write! Take care!

Just keep on smiling and enjoy the experience like TSU advised. Obnubilate and then absquatulate!