[shoez]

I have had this problem for a long time I assume. Only, I have only noticed it as a problem until recently.

Making decisions- That includes, when buying things, agreeing, disagreeing, career choices. Things of these sorts.

Example:

Maybe for a month and a half I will decide I want to be a physicist, I WANT to study physics. I will buy every book out there and pretend im some sort of scientist or something. I will tell people thats what I want to be. I feel 200% positive its what I want. Then......all of a sudden, one day I wont understand why in the world I would ever want to be that, it seems completely alien to me, and just ABSURD. Then all of a sudden, months later maybe I will want it again so im afraid to compeltely get rid of the idea.

I have done this so far with.
-Wanting to be a concert pianist
-A doctor
-Convert to Judaism
-l and ike 15 other things.....

The problem is that when I decide these things, they feel like I really want them 200%. I even called this Rabbi and told him to convert me and all, and he started the process too, I even learned how to read hebrew. But now I feel like Why the hell did I want to do that?, I feel like I dont even remember who I was when I called that Rabbi, or what I was thinking. I have done this with all the above...When I wanted to be a doctor, I even enrolled in a hospital program, when I wanted to be a concert pianist, I applied to some conservatories.

On the conversion to judaism thing...its a serious problem because now these people think I want to convert..because apparently I convinced him 100% when I gave him my speech on why I wanted to be jewish.
Then I changed my mind....but then one day I woke up and wanted to convert again ...and I even wrote this e-mail assuring him how serious I was about it. And now, I dont understand WHY I EVER WROTE IT!.
Im scared of telling him I dont want to convert because what if I change my mind again? When I change its like...these things seem SO important to me..its so bizzare!

Im so ANNOYED!

I mean, when I wanted them , I wanted them......but its not simply a change of mind..its complete disorientation...like "Why did I even do that?"

Or I will buy things, that at the time seem super important,
later I dont understand why in the world I ever bought them.

This will happen with simple decisions too. Also, I change a lot in social behaviour at times. I will be completely outgoing...wheras normally I would be TERRIFIED of being social...but for some reason Im not at some point....and then I realize what I have said and done, I regret it.

HELP does anyone else go through this??????

[slowinmi]

((((shoez))))

As a teenager, you don't have to make all these important decisions for your life and stick with them forever. At your age, you are allowed to change your mind. Many people have 2nd or even 3rd careers and change how they express their spirituality during their life.

Having said that, have you ever been tested to see if you have ADD? Some of the things that you are describing sound similar to the symptoms that my 2 college students who have ADHD exhibit. It might be something worth checking out. I hope you find some help and support and begin to feel better soon.

slow

[shoez]

Originally Posted by slowinmi

((((shoez))))

As a teenager, you don't have to make all these important decisions for your life and stick with them forever. At your age, you are allowed to change your mind. Many people have 2nd or even 3rd careers and change how they express their spirituality during their life.

Having said that, have you ever been tested to see if you have ADD? Some of the things that you are describing sound similar to the symptoms that my 2 college students who have ADHD exhibit. It might be something worth checking out. I hope you find some help and support and begin to feel better soon.

slow

The problem is that, its not just changing my mind. Its more than that, when I change my mind about something I can still aknowledge that I did get satisfaction from what I pursued.

This is different, I will like something and it will seem like the most important thing to me, I will change nearly everything about my lifestyle and I will be 100% convinced this is my way of life and I even include other people in this.

Then all of a sudden, literally from one day to the next I will be compeltely repulsed by my idea. Just unable to comprehend the reasononing as to why I wanted it in the first place, and where I even got the idea from. I cant understand my decision, until I go back to the state I was in when I made it...and its like I have no control whether I will change again, its like I cant trust myself with decision making because I can one day be in a completely different state of mind... Its much more frustrating than simple mind change. I wish I could explain it clearer, I am so sorry.

As for ADD, I was diagnosed with ADD as a child..along with depression when I was 11 years old.

[Perna]

I have been sort of like that and have learned to wait a bit, do every possible thing I can on my own and not get anyone else involved until it is time to. There's nothing wrong with wanting it 200% and taking Hebrew lessons, etc. but I would have explored as far as I could on my own before I called a rabbi or got into anything formal like that.

If you know approximately where the change comes, then just put a moratorium on doing anything "official" until you have passed that test of being interested through that date.

You can't really be 200% when you begin because you don't know anything yet. Nothing is going to always interesting/what you want to do/be 100% of the time either, even "yourself" :-)

The slower you can train yourself to go, for the longer period of time, the more enjoyable whatever interests you might be. That's how one gets to know friends, lovers, occupations, interests, etc.

[shoez]

I see what you mean, and it makes sense.

With the whole judaism thing though, that was something that I started back like 8 years ago. It wasnt something recent, its like it just pops up out of nowhere. I dont know , I guess its just better I dont make any big decisions at all. Ill probably never get married lol, I might change my mind =\

[ruffy]

(((shoez))) I have episodes of mania which include abnormally elevated mood, or energy levels which come in cycles, with rapid speech, racing thoughts, impulsiveness, intense interest in goal directed activities, sudden cheerfulness, full of energy, feeling popular, talkativeness, grandiose ideas, and plans, decreased need for sleep, wasteful spending of money, increased creativity and wit, just to name a few. We cannot diagnose on this site but I just wanted to share my experience with you and that I have Bipolar Disorder. You may want to share your sudden mood swings with your p-doc. I hope you find the answers you need.

[shoez]

Wow I deal with a lot of those things....I feel less "isolated". Thank you ruffy

shoez, what does your therapist say about this?

[shoez]

I havent told her, this ammong other things ...I am too embarassed. Im scared she will tell me im crazy

shoez, please tell her. She is there to help. She cannot help if she does not know about it. She is trained to deal with delicate subjects. You have an illness. Let her help you get better.