i was doing so well... :/

I went a few days without having obsessive thoughts or fantasizing but I have slowly given in...i spend most of my time in my head..y real life is put on old and i do not move forward with any set goal...WHEN i stop having the thoughts or i talk about them out loud i feel paranoid...like i am being watched...i hate that feeling cause then i just give in and start fantasizing even more...i am still feeling inadequate....i want to change my entire childhood just to please others cause i think they'll think better of me and accept me if i was raised by them or was from their home....my sleeping is still irregular..i was awake for hours last night and was very anxious cause i thought someone was going to take me from my bed....i think i am suffering from ptsd because of the abuse from my brother...i also think i a bipolar......my mood swings suck....i can be happy/fun one moment then sad/antisocial the next...when i am sad i keep dwelling on negative thoughts and i cannot get the ouut of my head..i hate this

Hey there - do you have a pdoc and/or T you can talk to?
I wouldn't go jumping into a diagnosis just yet - ask someone professional, else it will just give you something else to worry about. Medication can really help you right now - it will help to regulate your sleep, and control your moods. Your anxiety can be lessened, as well as the paranoia.

Please get help soon; and if you are currently seeing a pdoc, I assume the meds are not working the way they should. The pdoc will help to stabilise you, to then get the most out of therapy once you are in a frame of mind to tackle the issues of your childhood. But you cannot expect yourself to be able to handle all of this on your own.

(((((anne1000))))--sugahorse has given you some really good suggestions.
All I can add is, can you try writing down all the junk in your head---get it out of your head and onto paper?----this has helped me in the past....hugs----theo

anne1000, you have been given some good advice. Please give it serious consideration.

Good luck.

(((anne1000))) If you have appointments already scheduled with your T or P-doc, please call and see if you can get earlier appointment dates, and let them know you need to be seen as soon as possible.

anne that sounds like a lot to handle
hope you have some support at hand

How are you doing, anne1000?

I am doing okay...but I have been fantasizing/obsessing too much...I did fine the other day when I was at home, but once I have a change of scenery it starts again...i want to get started on my book but i fantasize about the life in my head and so i don't work on my story....if i go to long without the thoughts i get depressed though...

Seems as though a psychiatrist and therapist could help?

I would go to a therapist but i have no way of getting to one... :/

Try here, anne: http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Sec...iateFinder.cfm

(((ANNE))) Have you tried playing and focusing on your favorite music, while trying to write? Maybe this will help drown out your fantisizing. Ive been listening to Awake...by Josh Groban...Very soothing, some of it is not in English which distracts me just enough to take my mind off of what I may be making up in my head but still allow me to be creative. Just a thought. Works best if you can listen to it via headset or ear peice/plugs.