Its Coming ... I tried to stop it Part 2

if you haven’t read my first post about this do so now but beware it could be trigging to some of you and if that isnt what im about to say might be .. so beware

Its Coming ... I tried to stop it Part 1

Anyways its been a month and ive still been trying to find the last answer, sadly its only gotten worse. I have roughly 4 weeks till the court date and im refusing to go. Heres why, In jan i went to my update hearing about whats going on. The D.A. (i think he was having a bad day) said to me as i walked in.. "Well looks like its under appeal and im not going to wait 6,7 months or a year to get answer (my lawyer sent him a letter about my disability). To me you have played the system in stalling to pay and now you will see the judge and im done with you." he yelled it at me.

Now i was already not ready to go into this place and hear this, so i was already majorly uptight and what have you. "Then i said well what about the info you said you were to have gotten about the rate change due to my filing disability." in a soft normal tone.

He then said "DO you not listen im done with you and i didnt say i was going to look into anything and then said your ***** is going ____ (my sons state when im from)and i dont care if you rout in jail forever." Suddenly i snapped and had whats called "Nothing to loose" feeling .. this means that suddenly i dont care what happens to me i have nothing to loose .. then he says "dont give me that look get your ***** out of here and be back by 1pm for the judge"

I didnt move i was trying to remain calm cause i was getting very angry and scared all at once. He knew i had mental issues and his asst. knows me real well .. and she knew he was pushing my buttons and she got scared cause she knows i wasnt acting ok.

He then says "well if you would have not played games with me and worked then none of this would have happened" as i was about to leave. I turned around and said in a blood angry soft tone (its hard to explain) "I cant f' work" i was then getting close to him ..

He jumped from his chair and was scared out of his mind. (im almost 100 percent sure he peed himself). His then asst. told me its ok and got me to leave and as i was leaving i walked into the courthouse hallway full of 50+ people and yelled @#$%&* .. i was then scared and on a major mind trip my wife was a few blocks away and i dont know how but managed to drive to her and she got me home .. i was debating on how to end life and all sorts .. i ended up checking myself into the hospital.

well anyways a few weeks back i had to go back to the courthouse and it was all i could do (it was with my wife she was filing some papers) it .. i used that moment as a chance to see if im able to make it there and theres no way i can.

I cant produce what the states want cause things are in limbo and now my life is in fact trapped .. so as i stated im not going to jail. Ive had told people that things are over with me at the end of aug. Its not to ask for help its to let people know. My mom and wife and everyone know .. were all out of options .. yes weve tried everything .. filed this and that and this and that been here been there talked to this person and talked to that person. You name it. As of last month my lawyer is begging me to keep my appeals going and things and i told her the other day thank you for your help but im done now.

Alot of people are like have you tried this and that .. im like ive tried more things then you all can imagine plus some .. the whole issue is they want the money now and till i have the actual letter saying 100 percent its not good enough even though it shows im 95 percent.

So im letting you all know im living life now as if i have some deadly disease and wanting for it to take its toll. Ive been reading and studing on the bible and been preparing for things to change here. Its been very hard i have shutdown everything that has to do with me that my wife cant get into and ive set everything else to where she has full control of things. Ive been mentally unstable the last few weeks and its getting worse .. im sure by the time end of aug happens ill end up driving myself totally crazy.

I guess why im writing this is if others are in my shoes or have been .. this is very painful and hard and i hope none of you ever have to go here. Im not a bad person ive always done what i was suppose to do and given to everyone but when my health crashed on me .. those same people i used to help when i was good suddenly turned their backs and now i know who my real friends are. I wasn’t even asking for anything from them but when i said i wonder what im going to do they (again without asking and wasnt going to ask for anything) they jumped ship.

Again the whole issue isn’t the denying of things, nor trying to get out of doing them its im not able to and its unfair how bad we get treated i can’t help my physical body broke on me. Im sorry i cant do what you want but like anything else ill always loose ... its just too bad this is what my son will find when hes older when he wants to know about dad

Amd,

I have read both of your posts carefully. I am so sorry that you have been pushed into this situation. It feels like the system is against you, and the authorities are not recognising that it's not your fault that you are ill.

Do you have anyone to advise you on your options, realistically? I would be thinking of damage limitation at this point, and staying out of jail if at all possible.

Also I'm worried that you might lose your temper, and that could go against you with the court. Reading your posts, it feels like everything is coming to a head, and you don't have confidence in the people around you.

Try to take it slow if you can. You can send me a PM anytime.

Peaceful thoughts, Myzen

I didn't read part one but I take it you are trying to get your disability? don't stop!! that is what they want you to do

Bebops right, they are trying to wear you down.

I knew a guy here in the UK who was getting pressured like this. He did this thing, when he was dealing with the disability board, he didn't argue his case at all, he just broke down and cried, right there in front of them. They gave him the disability straight away.

It's just a story; I'm not suggesting anything, but they understood that he was ill. That was the only way he could get the message through to them.

Good thoughts, M