Is there some sort of disorder for this??

I'm going to copy and paste what my best friend wrote for me, because of my roomate, who is also my other best friend...

"Why is my friend so Disgusting?
Okay, so a friend of mine has some issues and another friend and I were wondering if she possibly has a mental disorder.

First of all, shes disgusting. She showers maybe once a month, doesn't brush her teeth, doesn't bother with deodorant. She wears the same clothes all the time (not because she has none, my other friend is her roommate, she just doesn't like to change or do laundry). She smells and she doesn't care. Everything she touches is gross because she never washes her hands and she gets sticky. Not only that, instead of blowing her nose in a tissue, she blows the snot into her hand and then licks it up. Furthermore, she injured her big toe over five years ago, and its been infected ever since. She picks at it constantly and makes it worse. We've even caught her chewing on her toenail. She doesn't do these things for attention because most of the time she thinks we aren't looking.

Shes a slob in other ways as well. She leaves her dirty clothes on the floor, where she takes them off. Her bloody socks (blood from the aforementioned toe) will lay in the same place forever. Her roommate doesn't want to touch them for obvious reasons. She throws trash on the floor of her apartment instead of throwing it away, even when the trash is two feet away. She, uh, leaves excrement on the toilet seat, just because shes careless when she goes to the bathroom. (Not a lot, more like skid marks... on the back and Front of the seat...). My other friend who is her roommate is sick of it, since she has to live with her. Every time she tries to say something to her, she gets angry. She then makes my other friend feel bad about saying anything (shes sort of meek, and passive aggressive). My other friend is also worried because the disgusting one insists on cooking dinner and she never washes her hands.

So, now that you've read all that, are there any disorders that cause people to be that way? Could she talk to someone that would make her be less disgusting? And of course, I know a lot of things I could say to her, but I don't talk to her that often. I talk to her roommate and shes not mean enough to say what needs to be said. We're just curious what other people think we could do to actually help her. She also has issues with depression and we worry that if we just alienate her, she'll get suicidal (its happened before)."

Wow. Do not know if she has a mental disorder or not. But a couple of friends like you could help a lot just by having a positive attitude. Perhaps you all get together awmd have like a little cleaning party and have a treat afterwards or without making her feel bad about herself, sit down together (keep it open and positive). Talk to her about raising her self-esteem. Talk about having pride in eachother. Do you know about her family? Maybe something from her past may have influenced this? I bet she is really hurting inside and could desperately use some emotionally supportive friends.

Yeah, that sounds like something to give a try to! :-)
Thanks!

And yah, I used to live with part of her family. And knowing them, I couldn't rule out that something in the past influenced this.

Just keep it positive. Maybe a little gift basket of bath and bodyworks things for her may make her feel better enough to use her things. One more think, she may be able to see and hear the things you say about her behind her back as well. I will never ever call a fellow human being "the disgusting one". A lesson learned from a time before I was born. Please have compassion and calmness toward her. This a chance to make someone who lives in missery, feel like a human being who counts.

If her parents didn't teach her to be clean & how important cleanliness is in the way of healthiness......those are actually traits that are taught by family by example & by rules & if that didn't exist, even the people with self-esteem wouldn't know any better. I'm guessing that no one ever taught her these things & the example where she grew up probably wasn't any different......just guessing!!!!!

You might print out articles from the internet on all the illnesses that can come from all the gross things she does & drop them around where she lives for her to read....(sure thing, she wouldn't throw them away...lol)

I have to say, I had just sat down with my dinner plate in front of my computer when I read this post.....I wasn't feeling too good for eating after reading this (that's for sure)......eeeeewwwww iiiiicccckkkkk sick to my stomach gross. What great timing I have.....ugh.....lol.

I forgot to add one thing.....my parents grew up in the depression.....it seems that when they had to conserve on water they would only take a bath once a week & they got in the habit of that being the way they lives, so I grew up taking a bath once a week except in junior high when we had the showers after PE every day.....but When I grew up & got out of the house, I couldn't stand not to take a shower several times a day & of course after playing racquettball with the guys at lunch, I couldn't stand to go back to work without a nice shower. I live for my showers now several times a day & everytime I get hot & sweaty, I head for the shower to wash off that sticky sweaty feeling. We can change & aren't stuck being what we were taught, but sometimes something graciously need to guide people into a better way of being as NF's ideas have offered.

so, I had a few ideas of what different mental illnesses could be related to lack of hygiene & being a total slob... but I also happened to have a little free time on my hands, so I researched (i love stuff like that)! ADD, depression, different anxiety disorders, certain phobias, & schizophrenia are the main ones I found. depression was already mentioned in what your friend wrote, so that seems to be the winner here! depressed ppl no longer have the willpower nor the desire to look presentable.

alcohol or drug abuse could also be a part of the problem. your friend didn't mention anything about either, but I'm just throwing that one out there in case...

being socially inept is another reason you could consider. ppl with a low level of social intelligence live in their own world & can't relate well with others or have no care about how others perceive them.

idk if any of these will help you, but I hope they do!

Thanks everyone! We're gonna try that. She loves green apple, so when I get paid again I'm going to buy her some green apple scented things.
She also doesn't drink or do drugs. She hates the taste of acholoh (can not spell! lol). And she hate's taking mediciene in less she absolutely has to..

Btw, I'm sorry for the loss of appetite after reading, I should of put a warning up for it.. Actually i think i'll go edit it now. lol (EDIT: huh... must be an editing time limit on here. i can't edit my first post. lol)

And My best friend is viewing this(cause i gave her the link to this post), but she isn't registered on here so she can't post. but this is what she had to add as well (which is true):

Well, nobody can diagnose your friend just by hearing about her, or diagnose her online. However, it might be beneficial for her to see a t who can work out why she doesn't take care of herself - even if she doesn't have a disorder. She'd have to see it as a problem first though, and she sounds very sensitive about the issue. Rather than being accusing, I'd try confronting her in a manner that voices concern. Let her know that you're aware of a lot of health problems which can come from not taking proper care of one's hygiene, and you're concerned for her physical health and state of mind. If you can tentatively and carefully mention the depression and how you hate the fact that she has to feel so sad sometimes, that might also help your point. Yeah, she will probably try to push you away, but hopefully you'll at least get her thinking in the right direction and let her know she has friends she can trust. If she really does have a true infection and won't take care of it, then it might even be necessary to inform someone. If that gets worse it could cause a major problems. Wish I could be more help in that area, but I'm actually not very well in the know about correct procedures in those cases.

Found some good internet sites on how important good hygiene for our health. Not to scare her into the opposite extreme, but better she knows what she's leaving herself open for rather than going on blindly not knowing the real effect lack of good hygiene has on her.

http://www.scientificpsychic.com/spacer.gif

I tried to get the URL for this article, but couldn't seem to come up with it so will provide the highlight information here (the person who you are talking about surly has no lack of being exposed to germs....some of that good, & some not so good):

Mandie here, who happens to be (although not that deep into unhygenics) one who also slips into this when very emotionally upset.

I dont think i have ever said this on here,because its embarassing for me. But I will sometimes go days without showering, I cant remember when i last brushed my teeth(oh wait - i do brush them when I throw up, which due to my meds is semi daily - but i dont on any real schedule) and I will wear clothes for days on end, if i dont leave the house.

For me, it comes from two things. One being depression and not caring about myself, and the other is I have semi severe memory issues and I just plain do not remember.

I know the former is true because when I feel special, or good about myself, i clean all up and put makeup on. otherwise, I dont care.

The memory thing is huge. Huge. I need a calendar in every room or else I cant remember the date. I miss everything for the same reasons.

So theres likely ALOT at play here. I am not sure what can be done.

Thanks. Would you happen to know who we would inform (or any here know?) . its hard to describe her toe, but it is indeed infected.. it's big, red, purple, and looks like it would be warm to the touch, and she states it hurts while walking, but as soon as I mentioned she needed to go see a doctor, and if she didn't want to go alone, that I would come with her, that she would like that better, she stopped talking about it, and even though she doesn't say anything now, i know it still hurts her because she limps sometimes. There's more gruesome details I could give you that would show you what I see, but I don't want anyone loosing their lunch .. or dinner.. or snack..
Perhaps I see this as the most important thing out of it all right now.. because despite her risks by not being clean, or even to her depression right now... this health issue can kill her (i'm assuming.. if the infection were to go into her blood). And it's been a long time since this incident has happened.. and i'm not even sure if it happened as she said it did.. (scizzors dropping down from the counter on to her toe) .... A part of me wonders if there's a psychological issue going on along with this wound... I don't know any of her family to be aggressive.. but... I have also heard stories about when she was a little kid... And if someone wounded her toe, my theory is that she maybe keeping it that way for serval of reasons... one that it's not known about and it's still a "secret", two maybe shes awaiting the person appology, three maybe she wants it to get as bad as it can so the other person will hopefully feel horrible about doing it, and maybe even make others see something that wasn't seen before when it was just a "minor gash". All of that is speculation though.. I have nothing to back my thoughts up.. regardless if what I think is right is right, i do know something is wrong..
And I hope people don't think I'm just complaining here.. I brought this here because... she's my best friend, and one of the most important people in my life... which means if anything ever happened to her, that .... i would be more than devistated...

It's hard to talk with her, when it's not something she wants to hear, because she pouts and if you keep pressing on past that, she tunes you out. And I myself am overly intune with other peoples feelings, so I feel like i'm walking on eggshells when that happens.
Also... I think... if anyone had any better sounding words than pout or pouting or anything with pout in it, but means the same thing... I would like to learn those words.. because I think with her family they have over used that word, and just from observiation it's hard for her to tell what's pouting and what warrents for being sad. (either way though one of her parents calls it pouting whenever it benifits her to do so.. even when its not.)

Thanks, (yeah I clicked on it.. I think it was trying to take me to a picture on the site.. sometimes they do that to keep hotlinking. *Shrugs*) This is a great read, and I'll load up my printer tonight with ink, and if it goes well i'll print it out. and leave it near the playstation or her computer area.. or.. perhaps be like "oh wow, look what i found on the internet... I know one thing, I'm gonna start taking showers more often cause of this.." or insert something like washing hands or something that makes more sense there later on.. I know a while back, me and my other best friend were talking on the wii and had it on the tv where our other best friend could see, and putting on like a little commercial. Cause she's complained of her head itching and we were like:
"Yah i just got out of the shower"
"wooo! you feel clean?"
"mmhmm! my head doesn't itch anymore because i washed away the left over dandruf"

but I don't think she catched on. Because during this point we thought she just wasn't taught right.. and didn't know that itchy scalp with lots of flakes meant dandruf, and it meant to either change shampoos or it was time to wash.

Thing is... she has gotten so used to her hair being slick and ... well... dirty... that she sees herself as that's the way her hair should be, so she doesn't like it when it looks clean and "poofy", and we've straightend it, and washed it for her during "make up-hair time" and she doesn't like it because it's not what she's accustomed to. She wants her hair to look slick and dirty like that which can't be accomplished by washing, and straighting.. I don't know if there's a way to help her like the clean look, or if there's some product out there that will make her hair that way when she gets out of the shower.. (which brings me to a side question as my mind wonders on things... Why don't we see the black on our skin, but when we take showers or baths the black stays on the rims of the tub... or say... the toliet lid from where we sit?... i dont know why i just said that all in "We" form, but usually i use the "you" word, and I didn't think that'd be very fitting in this.)

Thanks!

And I can't remember the last time I saw her actually smile.. laughing is just about as rare too.. This depression is how she's been since i've known her though.. So.. until it was pointed out here, I hadn't really thought about it.. And perhaps it's normal to her.. maybe it would be normal to me too if I wasn't moved to a psych unit in my pre teen years and had treatment.. yah.. come to think about it.. if I grew up that way.. I wouldn't notice there was a diffrence until something made me feel better for longer than a cowincidental time period.. (that's how it was with the add and the mediciene recently for me.. so I can even put myself in those shoes in a way...)

I don't know why but I feel warm fuzzies and wanna cry because of how helpful you guys/girls are. My other best friend is really helpful too, just we are both getting at the end of our ropes here. And if we know what is wrong, maybe we can understand it better, and deal with things in the way they need to be dealt in. And in that way it's a lot less stressful in both of our cases. Her so were not demanding something above her reach, or going about things in the wrong way, and us so we're not constantly grabbing for more ideas to make things better.
In the end, I know... that the .... well.. I'm happy here.. I am.. but.. the stress and ... constant need to pull, or just sit and stew over it is making me into a negitive person (Which i'm not wanting), and almost even bitter... but with that known about myself I still... she's my best friend... *shakes head* ... she's the only one in my world that is content with being around me all the time... which is something myself longs for.. not a sexual relationship, or anything like that... but.. it's hard to place what i want into words.. (because I don't have any words that are exactly what I am looking for) ... It's like... best friends... sister... and family ... all in one kind of thing.. Best friends, they are there like family.. but not in the.... true family way... if that makes sense... *shrugs* anyways enoughs about me.. I'll go make another topic if I feel like going on about myself. lol

The memory thing is harsh for her father, but she has great memory.. better than mine..( which i envy a lot).
but.... You know whats Mandie? Thanks for posting, I know it had to be rough to say that. And It helps knowing that she's not alone (feels werid for me saying this, but i'm happy that she's not alone in this area - and I also wonder if later down the line when she can come into things with a little bit of an open mind, that she will maybe group up with those who can understand her. I try, but horribly fail to be able to understand exactly what is happening - I mean I can understand certain things, because of my own experiences. but every time i think I have an understanding, she's proven me wrong so I fall back 6 feet below ground.)

oops, it was my mistake on the link....duh.....I took the URL address that came up when I asked for the link & it was the wrong thing......
I double checked this one & it took me to the right place. (I should always double check before just posting a link that it takes me to the right place....my lazy....sorry)

www.scientificpsychic.com/health/hygiene.html

No worries!
Thanks!

Hey Lexi and everyone, I agree that this could be caused from depression. But also i have noticed that often people who are not grounded have challenges taking care of their body. After all, they are not really connected to to their body. Or their physical surroundings. I used to do healing work to help people. I volunteered at a healing clinic. The healers and I would notice that often very ungrounded people had hygine challenges. Sadly, there may be little you could do to help her with grounding or depression or any other condition. And I say that with deep compassion for her, as well as you. Huge blessings for you and for her.

Good luck with getting this resolved.

I will somtimes go days without showering too. It really is embarassing, but it is definately the depression that keeps me down and keeps me from caring.

Hi Lexi232,

Ye it sounds like depression but as its already been said on here no-one could diagnoisis her here. Maybe when she is seeing about the infected toe u could mention the "issues" as a concerned friend. However u will need to time it. My friend thought she was being helpfull and she made me worse. But u seem to generally care about your friend so good luck!!!

Been weeks without washing/showering/brushing teeth/brushing hair/not moving from my bed

DO U KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO NOT WASH WHEN I HAVE OCD, Normally it would be an issue. But when ur soooo low u just don't care.

I guess what I am trying to say is just be there for her. I know it will be extremely hard as I have been there. Well been on the side your friend is on. I thought my friends were disowning me, were going to ditch me. But you know what this is when you realise who your friends actually are. BELIEVE ME.

You never know she may not have depression???????? you never know. Sorry I couldn't be much more help. Thought I would just add my bit in it too. Hope you don't mind

Don't ask her any questions she can answer with a yes or no.
As someone said correctly, one can not be dx'd accurately on the internet, but I would question as to whether she has a developmental disability of some sort. She doesn't seem to grasp some of the concepts you share with her. If she's dev. disabled and depressed, that would be a double whammy.

IDK maybe talk about a girl's night out, and then primp and clean her and yourselves as a group for the event? See how she responds to that. Complimenting her on good actions should result in her desire to do more of them. If not, then she probably does need professional help.

Got any friends with medical experience at all? If that wound gets too infected, she may develop gangrine. May loose the toe. Also, I remember being so depressed for so long that every dish was dirty, every outfit dirty. I did not answer the phone. My sister came and took me to the hospital. I could barely wisper and moved in slow motion. I was admitted for several weeks. When I got out, my car was spotless and my tank filled. I got home and my house was spotless. I felt greatful and not judged. I thanked her and she never said a word about it. And believe me, my house was in pretty bad shape before. I am sure as she was cleaning she encountered some pretty scarey stuff while cleaning. But I was really greatful. Things haven't quite gotten that bad since then. But I just wanted to throw this idea at you. Hope you find a way to work through this.