[perpetuallysad]

It has gotten to the point that I take meds all day that keep my awake and "focused" and functioning, but they are very activating so I take other meds at night to relax and attempt to sleep. I feel like a switch that can only be turned on and off by medications. I know that the "normal" no meds me is a very sad, effed up woman with a plethora of mental and emotional problems. I know that my brain is a mess without any psychotropic intervention. But damn, it sucks to feel like I must take this to think, I must take that to sleep, I must take this to stop the anxiety/panic/panic attack. Ug, its just scary and frustrating. I especially hate a starting on a new med. Its so, just uhg.

[elliemay]

I'm the same way about my meds, and I have been known to get myself into some serious trouble by just stopping. It frustrates my psychiatrist, but at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. I was wrong and I was fighting against my condition.

The overall question I think you need to ask is "are the meds helping"?

In a perfect, world none of us would need any med for anything. No antibiotics, no high blood pressure meds, no high cholesterol meds, but this isn't the best of all possible worlds and we don't live in it.

It is uhg. But it's the way it is. It's not like I chose it for myself. It's the cards I was dealt.

If I need them, I take them.

[Ygrec23]

Dear perpetuallysad,

Does a disabled vet want to give up his prosthetic leg? Does a post-cardiac victim want to give up his heart medicine? Psychotropics are the same stuff. None of us are born perfect. None of us. We have lacks and needs that differ from person to person. But I'll tell you, there are an awful lot of people walking the streets who SHOULD be on psychotropic meds and aren't. Since none of us are perfect, the image in our minds of what we really should be, should do, should take, should think is way, way over-perfectionalized (if that's a word). Taking pills is not an "ugh" thing, it's like strapping on your wooden foot. Just something you do to function. Along with millions and millions of other people. And there's always the possibility that after a lot of work with your T or P, you won't need some of the pills any more. But it's no tragedy if you still need them. In addition to psychotropics, I have to take lots of pills for blood pressure and cholesterol. I'll be taking those til the day I die. Big deal. I don't resent them any more than I resent my big toe. If I had been born with different genes I wouldn't need them. And if you had been born with different genes you probably wouldn't need to take your pills. But you may (how can I know for certain?) not need those pills in a few years. So you're ahead of me. But it really doesn't matter. There's no picture of perfection you have to match, no TV image or movie image you need to conform to. You're a real, live person, not an imaginary construct, and real, live people frequently need things to help them along. Welcome to the real world!

Take care.

[Perna]

I have adult-onset asthma and feel that way, like it's not quite me/true and I keep trying to do without my daily med. I'll be 60 this year and have a couple age-related things going on and it's very hard to adjust after being something else for all my life. Friday I go to the ENT (ear/nose/throat) doctor and am going to discuss possible need for hearing aids or "when" would be the right time to get them.

It's our physical body, not "us" that is breaking down. The meds aren't what happens when you focus/function, that's all you.

[perpetuallysad]

Awww you guys are wonderful. Thanks for helping me. Last night was a bad night and I was really struggling. I just get frustrated and I do think the meds help. Without them I am a complete basket case on the best of days, on the worst... well it's pretty bad. I've just started a new med that is very activating (ie no sleep) which is hard because I already have sleep problems, but i need the med, so I am going to have to adjust.

Be well, perpetuallysad.

[(JD)]

Yeah, it's a tough situation of medication.

Can you do with less activating meds during the day, so they won't last so far into the night? Keeping on the same one, but maybe adjusting when you take it, or take less of it, or even take less more often (but not as late in the day when you're heading home to begin to unwind) might work.

Have you tried herbals for night sleep? There are many that work the same as prescription, but don't have lingering effects. Ask your doctor what herbs the meds you take are derived from ... as all prescription meds had their start as plants at some point (or mineral etc.)



As you work through things in talk therapy, you may find you don't need so much anyway, and cutting back will be a common element in your life.

[perpetuallysad]

JD, you are correct. I am working on trying to figure out the best times of day to take this stuff. So far I take the first dose around 8 am and the next from 2-3:30. 3:30 was definitely way too late. But if I take it too early, it makes me feel nauseated, maybe too much in my system at once? Today is only my 6th day, so I am still ironing this all out. Hopefully I will figure it out soon and then can start trying to see if it is making me feel better or not.

Before I started seeing a pdoc and once when I stopped all meds cold turkey I did the herbal med route. I've never found anything that really helped with sleeping. I've tried melatonin and some different teas. I did get to where I was taking tylenol pm to get sleep, but that always made me really groggy in the a.m. I guess I will try to not complain so much and just accept things. I am completely willing to take meds, I just get overwhelmed sometimes. Especially when I cannot sleep, that's when I feel the worst.

Thank you all for being so great.

[(JD)]

((PS))) Good for you! You'll figure it out.

I find a combination of valerian and passion flower (at least those two) in larger doses than what the grocery store product offers, does me well. Dose of at least 500mg of valerian (found at health food stores) taken an hour before I want to be in bed works. Once I begin yawning, I know I'm ready.

Your mission, then, this week is to keep track of what you take when! If you get nothing else done but this, then you've succeeded!

[SheSabre]

I can relate to all these posts, I've been on so very many meds and constantly since 1995! I take meds to keep me awake and going during the day and meds to shut my brain down at night so that I can sleep. I also have numerous physical problems, so that means even more meds heaped on... I am presently on 19 prescription drugs! Sometimes I fear that my organs, such as liver and kidneys, are going to grow tired of processing and breaking down all these meds and just quit on me. I have my liver and kidney numbers checked frequently thru blood tests, but I feel I've just been lucky so far. In fact, at my visit to my pain clinic yesterday morning, the doc looked at the result of a new test and then he doubled my dose of morphine...60mg. twice a day. I just hope it works, the pain is excruiating and ungodly at that. I just wanted you all to know that you are not alone and I'm here to support you...as long as my organs live! LOL!
Huggles,
Dee

[perpetuallysad]

Thanks Dee. I appreciate any support I can get. I hope your organs hold out for ya.

[SheSabre]

Awww, perpetuallysad, no thanks required and I appreciate you hoping for my organs not to shut down on me. Sorry, Sweetness, but I've had to try to learn to laugh instead of crying when I feel like it. Would you mind if I add you to my friends list? This is only my second day here and you could send me a message anytime you are needing my support for any reason. It's okay if you don't want to and their will be no hard feelings, totally honest. All that I have is TIME and most important, my WORD! I've been accused of being "brutally honest?" So, if you ever need someone to talk to about ANYTHING at all...I promise to God that I will take anything you tell me in confidence straight to the grave with me. I'm carrying around so very many secrets that there won't be room in the casket for ME! You have a great evening and hope to talk to you soon, Pet.
Huggles,
Dee

[Rhiannonsmoon]

(((PS)))

Not long to go until you have it ironed out...if you feel nausea take a couple of cookies just before you take the meds...it may work..

Rhia

[perpetuallysad]

The nausea seems to have passed. YEAH! I am proud of myself for sticking it out this far, I tend to freak about side effects and quit any med with them. I believe the trick is just figuring out exactly when to take these boogers. They make me very not tired, which is a problem I have already, but they help me significantly with staying on task and focused. I have been able to get about 6-7 hours of sleep the last few nights and that's great. Once school starts back, that will lessen by about 2 hours if I cannot get myself to sleep earlier. I am not going to worry about that yet.

[SheSabre]

WOW, perpetuallysad, that's wonderful news! It might help if you eat a bit right before you take your meds because if you take them on an empty stomach they will sometimes make you sick. I'm so glad you are able to tolerate the side effects right now, usually they'll go away in time. I despise any kind of med changes because they make me feel horrible at first, dragging and don't want to get out of bed...a walking zombie. Maybe you won't have to go thru as many med changes as I have, they've been trying all different kinds of meds and med combinations now for 14 years and STILL don't have it right...that's why I was considering ECT treatments, but my Muzz don't want me to get them at all. Oh well, life goes on and what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. You have an awesome day!
Huggles,
She

[eskielover]

Thanks to my California pdoc that I saw for so many years before I moved away started me using the Omega3 EPA (not the DHA) 1200+mg/day to help with my depression. I was lucky that it worked so well for me because I had such horrible side effects & allergic reactions to almost every psych med that I tried. One of the negative things about supplements is that they aren't covered by prescription coverage & when I have financial issues it's not always possible to purchase it but when I do, it really makes a huge difference not only in my depression level, but in my ability to think through the issues that are bothering me & also just in studying & learning things (I'm 57, so not in school, but have many other things that I have been studying & learning at this point in life.

I was wondering if a supplement like that might be of some help in your situation or at least for the depression side of the bipolar. Was thinking that possibly, with the Omega 3 not only helping with the body & the mind that it might allow you to cut back a little on the med that keeps you from being tired.....maybe help balance the whole everything a bit better. Just a thought since I know that not every med or supplement works the same for everyone.

I am so glad to hear that you were able to stick it through so far to make it through the nausea. I was never one who could stick it through the side effects as they seemed to get worse & never better. Sounds like the meds really do help with your quality of life & that is the goal they all should have.

Glad you are getting some sleep....that is one of my most difficult things is falling asleep & staying asleep. Good not to worry about things in the future....one day at a time & deal with what happens when it happens.....you sound like you are doing well & that is so very important when trying to stay focused & make it through school.

[perpetuallysad]

Thanks gals.

(When I said school I meant my son starts back, thankfully I got my degree in Dec. 03 and am not working on any school right now!)