[JustLikeYouImagined]

- As a kid, I hoped that I would grow up to be a tall man. I'm 24 yrs old and haven't grown an inch since age 13. I'm 5'5''.
- I have always eaten only 3 average sized meals a day but still, I'm overweight.
- I started losing hair when I was 17. And now every other 40 yr old male I see has more hair than I do.
- I just recently found out that I might have peyronie's disease. It is a disease that causes one's penis to bend. It also reduces the penis length and girth. I used to have an average size penis. But now I have a 4 incher. I don't even want to measure the girth.

And thats just the physical stuff!

- I have depression, anxiety, adult ADHD and OCD.
- ADHD has practically ruined my life. I've struggled through school and have been struggling through college.
- I was only diagnosed last year. The late diagnosis has made things even worse. I've lost 4 years of my life. I dropped out of college after 2 years and am going to go back this year.

And thats my life. Not only am I a virgin, not only have I never kissed a girl, I've never ever held a girl's hand.
I've never had any friends and I don't have any siblings.
Growing up, I was the kid who got bullied the most, who got made fun of the most and who got screamed at the most for not doing well in exams. My life revolved around hiding from the bullies and finding new ways of keeping my test results from my father.
I never had anyone to talk to. No friends, no siblings. Nobody noticed anything when they used to pick on me. But there were always enough people to tell me that I wasn't trying hard enough to be happy. So can someone pls explain to me how I'm supposed to be happy?
Is there a happy switched I'm supposed to turn on?
What have I got to live for? My state of mind alternates between anger and depression. I feel so angry that it starts to affect me physically.
I cannot even remember the last time I felt true happiness. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Isn't the only thing left for me to do is to wait for death to come? What I am supposed to be happy about? That I don't have cancer? That I wasn't born in Darfur?

[Miss Laura]

Hey Justlikeyouimagine,

You do sound down. I am still a virgin if that helps any and I am only 5"1 and haaven't grown since I was a teenager too. I am also "fat" but have been loosing weight as like you I want a partner before I am dead

I hope you find your answers from someone. I don't have any or I would help you. I just wanted to say hi and I kinda understand somethings.

Btw I am only 25 years old so I know the feeling of being the only "virgin" you know. Join the club

[JayS]

Your time will come, like I was always told, good things come to people who wait.... I'm 31, overweight and single, I hate life but deep down I look forward to each new day because you never know when you'll meet that special someone.

[kristeena23]

Originally Posted by JustLikeYouImagined

- As a kid, I hoped that I would grow up to be a tall man. I'm 24 yrs old and haven't grown an inch since age 13. I'm 5'5''.
- I have always eaten only 3 average sized meals a day but still, I'm overweight.
- I started losing hair when I was 17. And now every other 40 yr old male I see has more hair than I do.
- I just recently found out that I might have peyronie's disease. It is a disease that causes one's penis to bend. It also reduces the penis length and girth. I used to have an average size penis. But now I have a 4 incher. I don't even want to measure the girth.

And thats just the physical stuff!

- I have depression, anxiety, adult ADHD and OCD.
- ADHD has practically ruined my life. I've struggled through school and have been struggling through college.
- I was only diagnosed last year. The late diagnosis has made things even worse. I've lost 4 years of my life. I dropped out of college after 2 years and am going to go back this year.

And thats my life. Not only am I a virgin, not only have I never kissed a girl, I've never ever held a girl's hand.
I've never had any friends and I don't have any siblings.
Growing up, I was the kid who got bullied the most, who got made fun of the most and who got screamed at the most for not doing well in exams. My life revolved around hiding from the bullies and finding new ways of keeping my test results from my father.
I never had anyone to talk to. No friends, no siblings. Nobody noticed anything when they used to pick on me. But there were always enough people to tell me that I wasn't trying hard enough to be happy. So can someone pls explain to me how I'm supposed to be happy?
Is there a happy switched I'm supposed to turn on?
What have I got to live for? My state of mind alternates between anger and depression. I feel so angry that it starts to affect me physically.
I cannot even remember the last time I felt true happiness. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Isn't the only thing left for me to do is to wait for death to come? What I am supposed to be happy about? That I don't have cancer? That I wasn't born in Darfur?

i know u think ur life is really bad but u have to look at other people who have it so much worse i dont have a great life either but u shouldnt look at ur life like its a death sentence

[Elysium]

If you are not able to find happiness within yourself without a special someone, you're never going to be able to find happiness within yourself with them.

Special someones don't MAKE you a happier and content person. They ADD more happiness and contentness to your life. To rely on someone else to be YOUR happiness, to be the one thing that keeps you going in life...to be your everything, is very selfish and a relationship that starts out this way is doomed from the beginning, and although it may last, it will wither and will ultimately become something like...."we're only staying together for the kids", or "we do it for the tax break".

I say this from experience. You need to find your own happiness or else you risk draining your special someone of theirs, and there's nothing worse than watching someone else's inner light dim and then go out and know that you played a large roll in that.

I challenge you to make a list of Positive things about yourself, and post it here.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hey there justlikeyouimagined,

You certainly do have your challenges. Here you will find people who are kind and supportive, we have all been through the wringer and so have compassion for others who have been through it too.

I think the first thing to do is to get help in dealing with the trauma from the bullies, you father included and come to realise that you are perfect as you are, and that you have things to offer yourself and others.

I am assuming that you are being treated for the ADHD, anxiety and OCD? But have you been offered treatment for they Peyronies Disease? That is most often a painful disorder and it is in most cases a genetic disorder and is most often treated with surgery. But it can happen from a heavy knock or bump to the area (or it can happen during intercourse). I've only ever seen one case of it and it was resolved well with surgery and therapy.

Never give up hope, because it is the one thing that can keep you going and draw you down the path that leads to happiness,

Loving thoughts,

Rhia

Waiting to die seems akin to watching grass grow. You have told us what is wrong with your life, but not the plan. You know, the plan to make your life more meaningful.

Do you have a plan?

[little*rhino]

good point Byz.. my personal philo is that life is a very, very long wait unless you do something with it.

JLYI... read Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. If you have trouble with it, pm me and/or Byz... i know i'd be happy to help with it.

one thing he says that we should all keep in mind is that suffering is like a gas, it fills the room evenly. So each person feels their own personal suffering equally, regardless of degree. One person's pain is equal to another internally, whether externally we measure them as equal. This means that a person who suffers because they are disgusted or disappointed with how they look may well be suffering equally with the person who is in chronic pain and hasn't got a place to call home.

having said that... it is very, very true that the way to feel happier is to stop staring into your sadness quite as much. "When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears." There are always things for which to be grateful, right up until the moment you die. Always.

Do the positives equal the negatives? Often not, but in my own humble opinion, joy or happiness is worth a thousand times it's "equal" in the negative range.

It is tricky what i am about to say, because it's hard to find the fine line... you need to acknowledge your own pain and problems, but do so in an accurate and analytical way. Weigh them out in terms of what they really mean vs what they mean to you. Big difference there. Give yourself permission to feel disappointed in not getting what you'd wanted in life so far, be kind to yourself if you feel so bad. It's ok to feel whatever you feel. No lie. The trick is in not living that feeling. So, in the end, the idea of others having it "worse" isn't worded quite right... but yes, taking a cold, hard look at what you have that is positive vs what others struggle with is a deeply valuable lesson if you are open to learning it.

i am taking great pains here to emphasize that it isn't the same as saying you have no right to complain or feel bad. We all have those rights. i can feel bad about anything, but i don't want that feeling to run my life.

make a list of the things that are not bad for you... you're on a computer, you can read and write, you have people here trying to communicate with you and help you, you are alive... and yes, that you don't have cancer and weren't born in darfur. If you could really go to darfur this would seem like more of a blessing to you than it currently does.

i get to feeling like you are saying sometimes... for other reasons. i get to feeling cheated. i just had major surgery to remove tumors. And do you know what really, really upsets me most days? The edema makes me look fat. Those are the days when i forget how that foot-long incision felt and how humbled i felt trying to do the simplest of tasks afterward.

now... i'm not saying any of that to have some kind of show down here. Not at all. i believe your pain is real and deep and you suffer. What i am saying is that i felt the same... and sometimes it comes back, but i found release from it in becoming deeply grateful for what i have.

please try to find ways to look at what good there is in your world.

the other thing is that where exactly are you getting this rule book for life that you seem to be gaining these expectations from? Go to a mall and people watch. Look around you. Yeah, you sound a bit shorter than the average american male (assuming you're american) but where did you get the idea that there is this ideal life out there that others got and you didn't?

there are precious few people living any kind of ideal reality... most of us have big hurdles and burdens and didn't get the perfect life. The people who have what you envy very likely have many things you would not envy at all. There isn't a rule anywhere that says you are "supposed" to be happy for that matter... that part is more of a choice than you might realize.

oh.. i'm adding this... one other thing Frankl says that is important... he says that we should not be asking what we want from life, but what life wants from us. He poses the question of how to answer "yes" to life. If you can begin to see life as something to which you are indebted and not something that "owes" you, perhaps you can find ways to see things more positively.

peace

[Rose3]

Oh justlikeyouimagined - I can think of times when happiness resulted from my decision to pursue a particular career (and there was no other person involved). Happiness doesn't depend on another person. Or happiness was my experience when making art. Get involved in some activities that you find interesting. And read about
happiness and positive psychology (Martin Seligman - well-known psychologist). Get yourself out of that rut. Notice. Appreciate. Enjoy.