grrr...

I did something stupid again. Someone made a joke. I took it seriously and flipped for about an hour and pissed off everyone in the house cause my warning bells were screaming

"ABANDONMENT ABANDONMENT WARNING MORE LOSS COMING"

I just CANT take anymore loss in my life. I cant! I cant do it. I will crumple. Ive lost everything,

E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

Son, home, money, job(little writing jobs). Friends, family, life, stability and sanity.

I am just feeling so sad. I guess I am sorry for myself. I dont know. If there is a scale the negative side is laying on the ground by now.

Im scared i destroyed a friendship tonight.

Going to lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I guess. I need hugs.

[Indie'sOK]

(((((Bowzz))))) We're here to support you and will never leave you xx

[shewolf68]

Rainbowzz,

I know this sounds simplistic but if you really feel bad about overreacting, you need to apologize. I know this can be hard for you but this could be a real opportunity to see that is you humble yourself a bit and say you are sorry, you may not lose this friend.

You say you get writing jobs so you can write all this out first and practice a bit before you do it. Or maybe you can even do on email or IM but in person will mean more if they can see how sorry you are for misinterpreting the joke and then say you often mis interpret what people say and will try to ask for an explanation before you get all riled up. Not that you will or maybe can but it will show intent and I think if you could you intent to be better in general with your reactions.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this but the last thing you need is to curl up into a ball. I would love it if you could do this and feel the experience mitigating a bad situation and taking some power back in the process. I would hope that it would give you a powerful feeling that even if you over-react, you can possibly unwind the damage and move on. I really hope you give this a try. Keep in mind, those of us who don't specifically suffer bpd sometimes have to do this very thing on occasion (you bpds don't have a lock on overreacting!) and yeah, it's uncomfortable and a bit embarrassing but salvaging a friendship is totally worth it in the long term.

((((( Rainbowzz )))))

[lynn P.]

(((Rainbowz))) - sorry I didn't see this yesterday. I hope you're better today. I happen to be waiting right now for you to type out a recipe in the Healthy Living forum. So I'm, twiddling my thumbs.

Thank you everyone!!

Indeed, I did just that - went to the bathroom, had a good long cry, washed my face and fixed my makeup(not for the person, but so I felt more myself )

Then i went in and explained myself and why I reacted poorly. My friend responded very well, and told me that instead of sitting out in the living room stewing in my own juices and then becoming angry and defeated, causing me to lashout - i should just come in and ask for a hug and an explanation. Why that didnt occur to me at the time as a viable option I have no idea. On any hand, everything is back to normal and I am reassured very much.

Thanks for supporting me you guys. Maybe next time instead of going ape...crap,lol I will come here and tell you guys what was said and what went on, so you can help me figure out whats the best course of action.

xxoo

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((((((Rainbowz))))))))

Sending you hugs; I agree with SheWolf an apology can sometimes do wonders. I do hope you're feeling better,

Rhian

[ruffy]

Well done ((Rainbowzz)) Ive done that before too. BPD really does a number on us doesnt it!!!

[little*rhino]

rainy... maybe you need a reminder thingy... like one of those braceletts or a ring or something else small and inconspicuous. i'm thinking like make a little bracelette with beads to represent different things that you need to be able to bring to mind in hard moments.

like.. idk.. a little heart bead can remind you that friends do love you and remind you to go with that assumption when there is conflict instead of flying off the deep end by assuming they've turned on you

write down these things.. i mean, you do know them, you just can't access them when you need to... so, like anything unfamiliar or different, you need a way to remind yourself so you can remember. Kind of like cheat sheets

with a braceletts you can add beads for whatever you need... like one to remind you to keep your hopes up and remember that nothing stays the same and bad times can't last forever without us adding fuel to them.

BPD's often create a degree of the chaos that fuels bigger problems, not on purpose (generally) but it happens because they can't overrule their "automatic" reactions easily. So, get yourself some beads and make yourself a little cheat sheet.

cheers girlfriend... keep working at it, you'll get there

[turquoisesea]

((((rainbowzz)))))

I'm glad to hear your friendship was ok =)

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you take it easy, perhaps if you let yourself calm down, tomorrow you can make ammends with your friend! =)

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Rainbowzz )))))))))))))))