[MacD]

I sang publicly for the first time in about a year last night...it was a fundraiser for a childrens playground and this is a small community....I wasn't nervous....or anything like that...but the atmosphere was so awkward...I felt like a new species of bacteria or something....folks were "examining" me and wanting to ask me personal questions about my personal problems....you could just see it in their eyes...some had already made up their minds and kept their distance...some made an inordinant attempt to get closer and show their support...all of it made me so uncomfortable....This is my community..the place I grew up in.....why can't I just get past this...? But the singing part felt fine....It was when the performance was over that I felt the awkwardness.....When the emcee of the event asked for an encore....then I truly felt sick....I didn't want to go before these ppl again....I felt naked....(emotionally of course)...How long does it take for folks to lose interest in our personal lives...How long?

[__zh]

Good for you for singing in a fundraiser!!

How can you get past this? By doing it each and every time and realizing that the folks most likely do not have that must interest invested in your life. That is NOT meant to sound cold but rather the cognitive thought used to fight the distortion that others are overly interested in our lives. Most people are thinking about their lost pensions or inability to maintain health insurance or whether or not their therapist's last comment was really true or just said to be nice or if they forgot to turn off the water outside....... When it comes down to it most folks are in their own worlds and our diseases/disorders lead us, mistakenly usually, to believe more than is true.

We're not saying you are perceiving inaccurately but that it could be a possibility. Hope we're communicating that effectively (feeling foot in mouth attack coming on)

We're sorry you felt so uncomfortable by this time between performance and encore. We believe you will get past this in time with support. Thank you for writing here about it.

kindly,
__zh

[January]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Grace)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so proud of you for singing. It's so nice to have such a talented friend!

Ignore the people. If they are silly enough to wonder about you and your life, let them. I think zh is right in that most people are so self involved that they don't really take time for others.

I still run into people I knew back when. I speak and I, too, get "that feeling", but I just straighten my back and smile brighter. It probably ruins their day! lol!!!

Many hugs,

Jan

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Grace}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know how you feel! Can I tell you my secret? Purpose in your heart and mind that what "they" think doesn't matter... and it really shouldn't. You can't live the rest of your life based on what "they think." Don't give them the power to decide for you what YOU are going to think or how YOU are going to act, much less feel!

That's not to say that it's an easy task, because it's not. It takes lots of work and practice. I'm to the point that if I feel judged by one or many, I close my internal eyes so that I don't see it. Same goes for too much or not enough. It's THEIR problem, THEIR opinion, whatever. It's left outside of myself. If someone comes on too strong with their "support," *I* am the one that evens out the playing field. The response is middle of the road... or, taking charge, "evening out" the playing field. It's YOUR "game," Sweet Grace. Play it by YOUR rules.

I'm so happy that you found the courage to sing in public again! KUDOS to you!! You're not hiding your light under a bush! YOU go, Lady!

[Parker10]

Congratulations for singing to support a wonderful cause ! I have not had the pleasure of getting to know you well since joining this forum, so I do not know what you mean by "why can't I get past this", or why folks in your own community would be sorta "sizing you up" etc., but a trick I learned when recovering from my agoraphobia/panic/anxiety and returning to public speaking and singing - I just pretended everyone there was naked except me. Daggone it - they sure didn't have any right to judge ME, cuz I at least had wore the proper attire ! Perhaps this would help you in the future ! :-) (Best fun I ever had was speaking to over 400 mental health workers from psychiatrists to psychologists etc = when I run into them even now - and that was over 12 years ago - and they comment they heard me speak at UVA Hall a number of years back - I can hardly contain myself thinking "OH - you were one of those nekkkkkkkid people "!!!!!!!

Most of my singing is in Church now - and I don't use that same "coping skill" there - just doesnt seem right! LOL !!

Again, congrats for singing......and I hope you can move past what others were thinking - cause at least YOU were doing something for a great cause - and if they were just there to judge people - WHO is the better person?

[MacD]

Thanks to everyone for your insights....helpful as always....In answer to your query Parker, like many of us, I had a tough, life changing year with a marital separation that EVERYONE knew about......and talked about......and speculated about.....and now, I still feel some awkwardness (even though we're back together and much healthier for the time apart)......but that's the way it is in small communities....people have nothing else to do except speculate on the lives of others....I've never been in a position of public scrutiny before though I've lived here all my life....and its been tough....you wouldn't believe the rumors (as if the truth weren't ugly enough)....but hey, you're all right...there's no way through this but through this...and I'll make it.....thanks for the support....grace

[darkeyes]

Parker,
Excellent post/reply. In fact, I love everyone's replies here. Wow, singing or public speaking, alone is difficult for some of us, so I admire those that are able to do it. I also admire those who are willing to work at getting through the "stage fright" or other things one might think others are thinking and/or saying.
Parker I just love this idea, those watching are "naked"? LOL!!
And then at church, oh well, nah, don't want to picture that there. Ha!ha!
Take care now, y'all
DE

((((((((((((( for everyone )))))))))))))))))

[darkeyes]

Mac,
The heck with those, I have lived in places where things can be like that, I won't go into details, but I can relate to the way you feel
But, hey, I say the hell with them, you know you are a better off, without these sort of people, also know though, like others have said, sometimes we think others that know sommething and even those who don't, about us, are thinking or looking at us in a way we feel awkward.
That is not always true, but we feel they are. For those of us who have situations like this need to convince ourselves that not everyone is concentrating on us and our personal stuff, it's just us feeling that way, so getting to a good point and dismissing this false belief rather soon or in time it is an accomplishment, don't put deadlines on when, either, take it in stride.
Sincerely,
DE

[MacD]

Darkeyes....thank you for your thoughts.....they're always good.....it's funny....for me...singing in front of a crowd is much less scary than singing in front of a few friends....It never bothered me to have a crowd....but just a few folks...I'm crazed w/fear....I wonder what that means......?

Grace, small communities are that way. I put a privacy fence up at the ranch and everyone that drove past, thought i was either naked or raising pot.

Go ahead and do your thing and realize that you are a very unique person and that you give a lot of yourself....and you do!! You've helped me so many times and I thank you for that.......xoxoxo pat

[drunksunflower]

bigups for singing yo ... yay!

xx