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#1
Oct 12, 2010, 10:45 PM
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My T really is the best... i was so happy to see him today. i was nervous about some issues but things went very well.. he really is one of the most genuine and authentic people i have ever met and i am grateful to have him
i need to manage my health concerns better somehow to better manage how i am feeling emotionally, that much i am sure of... but how? i decided a long time ago that i don't want half as good a life just because i have half the physical capability. Screw that... i want as good a life as any able-bodied person. i want a car, decent clothes, good food and i want a flippin vacation at some point. i want the medical stuff i need and the treatments so.. how does one build that mentally when the real world physical places such limits on me? it's not just confidence or self esteem... it's not just a matter of working on depression or pain management... it's not just a matter of working health and nutrition... it's all of those and none of those i refuse to give up or give in... i want a good life damn it and i'll make it happen even if i die trying. That stubbornness keeps me moving, but it doesn't soothe the fear or worry or despair when the pain is so bad that i weep hard to feel optimistic when your muscles are so tired and painful that you have trouble getting coffee, you know? i'm asking my T the same question... what things bring you optimism? what do you do for yourself in the face of serious challenge, especially ongoing challenge?
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   “This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” -His Holiness, the Dalai Lama I will not kneel, not for anyone. I am courageous, strong and full of light. Find someone else to judge, your best won't work here. |
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#2
Oct 12, 2010, 11:32 PM
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Greetings,
I am glad you are comfortable with your medical treatment, as well as, the one who administers such. Have a good one. 
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 little*rhino
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#3
Oct 13, 2010, 01:48 AM
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I plan small, enjoyable projects that their completion or just the doing of them brings me joy. Nothing earth shaking. Nothing expensive or wacky. Could be the making of a sourdough culture or trying a new drawing technique. Stuff like that. I keep the musts down as low as I can (and there are enough already, believe me.) That's what I can come up with now. hUGGGSSSS!
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#4
Oct 13, 2010, 08:23 PM
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Quote:
 While i was waiting for surgery i tried things like teaching myself harmonica... drawing... all i do now is occasional baking But... i work at building a career and i need optimism to sustain me, especially through the hard times. i want a good life with a good career but it's hard to believe i can get there when i am curled in a ball on the couch, weeping in pain.
__________________
“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” -His Holiness, the Dalai Lama I will not kneel, not for anyone. I am courageous, strong and full of light. Find someone else to judge, your best won't work here. |
| lonegael
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#5
Oct 14, 2010, 01:26 PM
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No, that's a big problem, there isn't enough to go around. Something somewhere has to give. It's the catch twenty two that I think all of us with chronic problems run into at some point. what is it that finally gives? There's always some wise"#¤ doctor who says "what you need os to spend more time doing the things you love." Uhm, OK, where to I order five more hours for the day, then? Or a rich dead relative with a fortune for me to inherit?
Can't answer that one either. Still working on it myself. HUGGGSSSS: and good luck with it. |
| little*rhino
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#6
Oct 14, 2010, 09:42 PM
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yes.. that is exactly right. Either 5 more hours or 5 more hours in which i am capable. i am really not adjusting so well to the increased forced downtime. It's eating away at my optimism. i'd rather even be able to do somewhat less but be able to keep going - i just have no idea how to deal with that yet
i'm mad too... i want a good life but it's harder to get one this way. There are people who tell me they admire how hard i work and stick to things, never give up... but well, no offense but screw that. Being happy about that seems like being ok that pathetic me can only accomplish half as much and i should be happy with it. NOT. i can't very well buy half a car or half a can of tuna or half a carton of milk now can i? i need a way to look at this that lets me have hope in my future OTOH... i accomplished a lot today, despite feeling like someone hit me hard with a bat. Today i did it... i stand victorious. i still feel like crap, i still hurt, i am still ill... i still can't eat properly and i am still struggling - but i found my FIGHT. Tooth nail, and whatever else i can use... i will fight. I CAME HERE TO LIVE, NOT JUST TO EXIST. peace
__________________
“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” -His Holiness, the Dalai Lama I will not kneel, not for anyone. I am courageous, strong and full of light. Find someone else to judge, your best won't work here. |
| lonegael
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#7
Oct 15, 2010, 10:40 AM
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That's the way! Come, see, and conquer! HUGGS
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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