[silver_queen]

I agree so much with this post, Susan. It helps so much to know that somebody else understands and empathises... it's a huge help.

Thanks for this post

[kimmydawn]

Very well said, (((((((((((((((Susan))))))))))))))))))

Those are very sage words: Someone always understands anothers problem whether it be anger, fear, anxiety, depression, etc.

What a blessing that has been for me!

Love,

kd

[jammerlich]

Thanks for posting this Ozzie. When I posted about anger, I felt like most people responded in ways of telling me why I shouldn't be. Thanks for letting me know I'm understood.

[jmo531]

Susan,

This is a wonderful post. Like Jammer said, often times when we express our feelings we get feedback on how not to feel that way. I think its done with good intensions, but sometimes, you just want to hear that it is OK to feel sad, scared, depressed, anxious, angry or plain out nuts.

((((((((((((((((Susan)))))))))))))))))

[dexter]

((((((((Ozzie))))))))

thanks susan......its words like that that make me want to say...... .lol......love you woman

Isn't the power of one word amazing? I'll have to remember that next time somebody is angry with me or just angry in general.
Thank you, Ozzie.

[dexter]

I so much like the idea of this post...

Even when dealing with other emotions, sometimes when we vent the people around us feel the need to react by offering suggestions or opinions which sometimes increase our stress, when all we need at the time is an understanding ear.

I admit it can be tough sometimes though... I've been currently emailing friends specifically because I want suggestions and some help with my situation. I think (hope) that I have been clear (both there and here) when I am just venting and when I am really looking for some answers.

[mrb020377]

I agree with you Susan. All my life I have just wanted someone to say they understood what I was dealing with. Being able to understand someone else's feelings, or being able to understand why someone is mad, makes me see things from a different point of view.

Thank for bringing this up!

((((((((((((((((OZZIE))))))))))))))))

It is amazing how the validation of someone saying they "understand" can help relieve some of those feelings. I wonder if this comment gives one a feeling of worth and permission to feel the way they do? The feeling of being heard is sooooo powerful!!!

As the opposite, at least for me, feeling like I'm not understood ---- gives me a sense of having less value and that I don't have the right to feel whatever I'm feeling.

These forums are good for being heard------ wish I was better at communicating things going on--- I know people here would help lift me up.

Great post Susan!!

mandy

[eskielover]

Ozzie,

I definitely agree with your post......of course, there is always the "however" with me.

I remember the angry feelings that I have had throughout my life & looking back I can feel the feelings however I never took the time to "UNDERSTAND" myself....or why I was feeling that way. It was easier to just let myself feel that way & because I was horrible at holding onto my anger, it would be gone & forgotten within a couple of days.....only remembering the feeling & not the cause/trigger.

Still to this day, I have such short term memory that I feel my anger then because it passes, I can't pinpoint the cause. I have been learning to write down when I feel the feelings & then take some time to try & figure out what the cause is....however now it seems like there is so much involved in the cause I get overwhelmed in my thought process & just want to let it all go.

Unfortunately, the angry feelings seem to come one on top of the other leaving less time between the feelings. I guess also because I don't relate the cause to the effect, I have found that I put the happy things into my thoughts so anger doesn't consume me.

I guess there is some good point to short term memory that flys away so quickly. I just remember the horrible angry feelings but not the causes. I find I tend to deal with anxiety & depression the same way.....I get the feelings but can't put a finger on the causes. It seems to take so much inner looking to figure out myself & I seem to be too lazy to want to spend my time on it. I know I would probably be much better off if I understood myself better instead of just plowing through my life letting things happen & then going on. I am sure that there is a place inside of me that is accumulating all my crap.....& it will probably burst sometime (like it did in the past).

I just wish at time I would spend self time trying to "UNDERSTOOD" myself.....but don't want to dwell on the bad either because I feel so much better when I am not feeling angry or spending time trying to self analyze myself.

I am not much help to myself.....even with my therapist trying to "pull" out what is going on in my brain......kinda like pulling taffey.....it just keeps coming & coming with no end in sight.....so I just cut it off & end it when I feel too tired to think anymore.

Sometimes it is alot easier to understand others than it is myself.....& yes, even though I give the responses of trying not to dwell on your anger....it is definitely ok to feel that way & it is understandable to feel that way......but it isn't ok to let it totally control your life.....everyone needs some relief & only they can know what will provide they with the relief.

Debbie

[CedarS]

Well stated, and I definitely agree.

My now 25 year old son taught me a lot about this. I am most supportive to him when I show I understand, when I let him have his feelings, without trying to quickly take the anger or other feeling from him.

He, all of us, have the right to our feelings. This can include me as listener and empathizer not trying to make it all go away, not try to minimize it or redefine it. Or even try to -fix- it, unless ideas are asked for.

For myself, my feelings, including anger and frustration, along with my experiences.......when another human being truly understands, it is grand. So simple yet so fulfilling.

In understanding, the other person doesn't have to suffer with me or for me, we don't need to whip up a lot of drama, we get to just be.

Sarah

[(JD)]

[Rapunzel]

Understanding goes two ways. We all want to be understood. Sometimes it's hard to remember to take the time to understand the one we are angry with also, because they might hurt as much as we do, and need understanding just as much.