[Winter Moon]

It feels like nothing is real. Like all of it is part of a play. Or a tv show. It's all acting.

Have you pretended to be happy for others for so long that it's hard to tell when your laugh is real and when its faked? Have you ever had suicidal thoughts while still being able to appear normal?

Anyone I talk to seems to think I have schizophrenia. I'm paranoid about the people who are out to kill me. Anyone and everyone could be a spy for Them. And I see and hear things that nobody else sees or hears. I have 2 others inside my head. They talk to me, and to eachother.

But it's all real.
Or none of it is real.

So I googled the symptoms after by best friend irl said it. And I suppose I can identify with most of the "symptoms".

But is it schizophrenia? Or is schizophrenia a tag? To classify those of us who are different? Make it easier for Them to target us? We have the ability, to touch things that others can't, so we're persecuted for it. It's modern-day Salem Witch Trials. "I can't see/hear.feel it, so you have a disease... It's not us, it's you."

I can't seem to tell. Is what I'm thinking real? Or is none of it? Are all of my thoughts lies? Every single one? Hell, am I real? Or just some government guinnea pig...

Thanks for listening. I doubt I made any sense at all. I just... needed to say it, I think.
I don't know. Perhaps someone is going through the same thing and can help. Or know that they aren't alone.

Probably I just need to go to bed.
Sweet dreams everyone...

[pegasus]

(((((((( Winter Moon ))))))))))

It sounds like you are distressed. Please seek out professional help, we are here listening also but it would be good for you to get some in real life support for this.

Hello, Linn. I hope you find the help you need.

[Gus1234U]

could be a form of dissociation, too,, as long as you can handle it,, don't worry, we are all hiding something ~~ best wishes,, Gus

[Indie'sOK]

(((winter moon)))

I know how you feel - sometimes I feel as if it is all fake as well. I agree with Pegs that you should seek professional help. It really does make a difference. We care and are here for support when you need someone to listen - keep talking if it helps

[Winter Moon]

-puts ears back and looks down and away-
The only way to get professional help is to convince my mom that I need it. And I'm not telling her what's going on in my head. Becuase I can't talk to her about anything. It seems like she either thinks I'm lying about it, or she doesn't give a ****.

And professionals are really just some of Them. Professionals can't be trusted, either....

I don't know. Perhaps I'll just coast. See if it gets unbearable.

And if it does, then.... I'll have snapped and it won't matter anyway.

[cheshireKat]

Originally Posted by Winter Moon

Anyone I talk to seems to think I have schizophrenia...
But is it schizophrenia? Or is schizophrenia a tag?

Schizophrenia's a really, really big umbrella. "Sounds like schizophrenia" is about as useful as saying that a mystery meat "tastes like chicken."

There's also a condition called prodome (according to Wikipedia, synonymous with "psychosis risk syndrome") that may precede a psychotic break and a formal diagnosis of schizophrenia or other mental illness. Or again, it may not.