Thoughts on Bragging

So, I had my final critique for the semester today, and I was really happy to hear that I was doing quite well, better, in fact, than I had thought I was doing. Then, on facebook, I see that a friend and fellow student of mine, who also had her critique today, has posted that she had gotten straight As and was "so awesome." Can I just say that, while I'm glad she did well, I really felt uncomfortable with her bragging like that? It's not because she got straight As - aside from the fact that I am glad for her, a) we only got grades for two of our classes, and b) my grades were an A and an A+. Just saying. What bothers me is that I don't like bragging. It's as though people boasting about their accomplishments or abilities diminishes mine, in some way. Maybe it's because I try to avoid boasting, as I feel it is unwise to do so (what if you brag and then mess up big time?), also, I feel that it is unseemly in people to brag about themselves. Or maybe it's because I am a ridiculously insecure person in some ways. Whatever the reason, I would be really interested to hear other people's views on bragging, and how they deal with braggers. And, by the way, the fact that they are probably bragging because they are insecure is not satisfactory! Like I said, I am insecure too, but I try to avoid bragging. Any thoughts, anyone?

Sounds like you're not really sure of yourself, your self esteem? Other people being glad of their accomplishments has nothing to do with us and ours and you may or may not mess up in the future but if you are sure of yourself, you won't worry about that either way! Take a bit of pride in your own accomplishments and look back at how you seem to do well and relax in that "habit" of yours!

I use to procrastinate and get anxious about my work and the future but then I'd look back and realize I always get the work done well, one way or another, so there was no reason to get on my own case! It's nice to "allow" myself to just do my own thing and not spend so much time directing with my head. When I get "uncomfortable" I'll start the work and get interested and do well! You have had 10 years to establish your habits that appear to be effective for you; be proud of your good work habits and know they are part of your "character" and can be relied on; you can rely on yourself! Congratulations on your great grades so far.

I would learn to rib your friends a little about what you see as "bragging", congratulate them and tell them to "keep up the good work" and maybe remind them, "Watch out, you know what they say; pride comes before a downfall!"

I am much like you...it is being modest. While you revel in your accomplishments you don't have to go and tell the entire world. I feel as if they will see me as self centered just as you seemed to have felt about the girl on facebook. I think it has something to do with self esteem as Perna suggested.

And Perna made and excellent closing statement...that is always a good thing to say!

You get some people who are very proud of what they have done and I see no problem with saying so, she/he worked hard to get the As and is proud and wants the world to know how hard they worked !

There seems to be a difference to me in bragging and having the confidence to say you've done well in something. I have found that it does not diminish another's accomplishments but at times can help by speaking up; if I am not the one doing well, it lets me know who I can turn to for help for those that are doing well and vice versa, if it just happens to be something I am good at, which is few and far between, but then I can help them. I'll only say something if I know they are struggling, that I can help b/c I am good at it.

However sharing one's success, though a boast, is technically bragging but to me it is more when someone continues to go one about their success, kind of shoving it on you and being condescending when they know you have not done as well or to the same standard they have met, whether you are reaching for the same things or not. Just sharing their success and leaving it at that, I don't consider bragging. They are happy about what they have achieved and are just sharing their enthusiasm with you.

There's a friend of my grandmother's who used to go on and on about these wonderful things about her kids and grandkids, ALL these fabulous accomplishments. Always about how well they were doing and could do no wrong. Well, 1. we knew not everything was peaches and roses from the kids/g.kids themselves but 2. she would then turn to me and and my grandmother and say, "So have you actually accomplished anything yet?" This was bragging to me, very condescending, measuring her grandkids against my grandmother's so she could boast so more, "Look how much mine have done!" My grandmother just never got into this game despite whatever it was we had accomplished and told us, we knew what we had done and did not need to tell it unless somehow it would help someone else, pride before the fall and all. She would try to talk to her about the other things but in her mind, all that mattered were the accomplishments; Gram used to say there is more to life and her kids were lonelier always being driven, didn't feel as close and worried about failure. The kids/g.kids used to come to Gram for help. Accomplishments weren't the be all of life, how you live it was more so. Despite talking to her about it at one point in their long friendship, Gram has since passed, she still does it to this day.

You never know why people boast or brag. Some times they need it to feel important for their own self esteem. It is important to feel good about what you have accomplished but not to the point where it is to the exclusion of putting others down with one's boasts. This is what one must be mindful of.

Tishie, that is just my point. I see no reason for the whole world to know how hard I worked, and frankly, I do find it off-putting that some people do. I am proud of what I have done too, I got As as well, but I see no reason to brag about it, especially since I know that I (and everyone else) can do better.

Hi Fresia,
I definitely get what you mean about the difference between bragging and being confident in yourself... in theory. In reality, I have found, it doesn't work that way. And yes, as I said in my original post, I know people sometimes brag because they are insecure, however, speaking as an insecure person myself, that is no excuse to shout to the world about accomplishments which, thought impressive, could always be better. And frankly, I find that, whichever type of "expression" (for lack of a better word) that people use to showcase their triumphs, it still makes me feel badly. Of course, you could argue that the problem is with me, and I would completely agree with you. I am, as an ex described, "the most insecure person on the face of the earth." However, I need some practical advice on how to deal with this, because I don't agree with censorship and I wouldn't try to force my ideas on someone anyway.

Well done on getting an A !

Indigo1015, I am SO sorry I missed what you were asking.

I honestly tend to ignore someone who brags, literally. Ignore it. It is their issue and theirs alone was the point was trying to make. It has nothing to do with you at all. They can say all that they want and can have accomplished whatever but only what you do and how you think about it is what matters. If you choose not to listen, you can say congrats and just let it go. They can brag all they want but that does not change anything about you, who you are, or change your accomplishments making them any less important. You choose how you want to look at it and how it affects you; brush it off.

You are smart, witty, and caring. You have a lot going for you. Focus on what's important to you, mindful of others, and ignore the rest.

PS. Congratulations on grades! Good going!