confused and embarrassed

I have always had a good relationship with my psychiatrist. However I have just realised that I have crossed some boundaries. when I was unwell I sent numerous emails to him. Actually before I was ill I was doing this. Some times at all different hours of the day. Nothing rude or anything like that, just loads of them, He always answered them.

I have just realised how inappropriate this was. I think boundaries between us have become a bit fluffy. Nothing dodgy has happened, but just little things that are difficult to explain. I actually feel really angry with him. He has known me for many years. Why in the heck didn't he tell me I was behaving inapproriately? When I looked through my outbox in email I felt quite ill. I think I am going to have to talk to him about this and I am dreading it.

My feeling is that because I work in a similar field that boundaries just became really fluffy and I started to see him as more of a friend. Of course this is not appropriate, I suspect he might have got confused too. He has been nothing but kind, but still I think he crossed the line too by not putting me in my place. I feel really embarrassed.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. I don't think you can mess with other people's boundaries unless other people complain; they get to set their own boundaries, not everyone's is the same, and it sounds like your psychiatrist is happy and able to answer your desire for e-mail contact. If it helps you and you both are in agreement about it, don't sweat it but by all means discuss it with him but ask him how he feels about it, don't assume you have crossed his boundaries.

Agreed, it might well be that he hasn't felt as if it has negatively affected your therapy, or for whatever reason you have need of the contact because of some aspect of your problems r personality. By all means, take it up, but I agree as a question. If he has not attempted to initiate a relationship with you that you feel is not OK, or has made comments to you that are not OK, or has initiated contact with YOU, then it is best to be carefull about being too accusatory; he might simply be more comfortable with more generous limits than others would be, and might be so with all his patients, or at least with those he feels won't be harmed by it. HUGGGGS

Hi Donut ~ Psychiatrists are ALL TOO USED to this happening with patients. This goes on all the time. You certainly are NOT the first one that has done this dearheart. Please don't beat yourself up. You were not in a good frame of mind at the time -- even if it was before you became ill - you were on the brink of "becoming ill" and you just weren't thinking clearly. I'm sure he realizes this and didn't want to perhaps throw you "over the edge." Psychiatrists have to be very careful so as not to potentially harm a patient even perhaps before they become patients. I'm sure he knew that something wasn't right.

Please don't feel guilty - of course you can talk with him about this if you wish - but don't go in there with the idea of berating him and beating yourself up too. It's not that important. Best of luck and God bless. Hugs, Lee

Thanks all for your replies. Perhaps I amgetting anxious over nothing. I do still feel that actually I did cross some boundaries without realising it. I encroached on his time. I shouldn't have done that.

I've crossed some therapy boundaries during my therapy. My therapist let me know- we discussed it. It was hard but I felt supported and he was encouraged that I realized it was happening. A big step in most peoples therapy. So take a deep breath tell him you are sick with how you have been acting, ask him what needs to be done now, switch therapists, continue talking about boundaries. I am concerned for you being in the same field and thinking boundaries are fluffy. That could get you into serious trouble- think before you act. Dealing with the media is worse than dealing with the therapist! Good Luck!

Thanks for replies.

Boundries you know are important. If you feel they are fluffy then they probably are. Don't beat yourself up about it, but do talk to him about it.

I had a similar situation with a mental health worker in the hospital. I asked him if it would be inappropriate to have contact with him outside the hospital. He gave me his email address. I only emailed a few times, but I found his FB page and referred to it in my email. I told him I wouldn't friend him because of privacy and that I had a couple of other patients in my friend's list. Then I emailed him because he seemed sad in his FB posts. He then made his FB page private and never emailed me back.

The difference is that I may not everr see him again unless I go to the hospital, and I don't know if we would even have to talk about it.

I hope you get to talk to your p-doc about it soon.

Thanks everyone

I talked it over with my doc on the phone today.He was very good about it and said that he didn't mind at all.He explained that actually my posts were a good indicator of where my mood was at. Feel better now.

Good for you for talking to him. Sounds like the whole episode was a good growth opportunity for you.