[Leslie]

How do you force a 17 year old to go to counseling when you know that they need to go? Son is going through a lot with the divorce and me being sick. My husband thinks we should force him to go to therapy, all 3 of us would be there the first time. I don't think my son will say anything to this counselor with all 3 of us there and I don't think I can force him to drive me there knowing he told me that he doesn't want any counseling. Soon he will be 18 and i dont know if we have the illegal right to force him against his will. He is not suicidal. Just stressd out from being a 17 year old and parents divorcing. I know it bothers him seeing me sick and knowing it is a serious condition.

Can anyone help me with this???
Leslie
We have an appointment with counselor oct 25th. Dragging him there will be a challenge.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

It is always my opinion that it is best to go to family therapy then nobody feels like they are flawed....Best of luck

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((((Leslie))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I have a 17 year old and in my experience, you can't force them to do much of anything at this point.

I don't think you can force people to get help at any age. You can let him know you are there for him and let him know help is available. You might even be able to bribe (or force I suppose) him to meet the counselor at least once so he knows who it is.

But, I think you and husband going will let your son know that there is help out there when he is ready. I think that in itself is an important thing.

That's just my view from my personal experience though and I'm often completely off base.

Take care and good luck

i wouldnt force him to go, but i would present him with the option of going, explain to him that he can talk to the councillor alone and whatever he says stays in the room with the councillor, and you wont know what is said unless he agrees for the councillor to tell you.

presenting this option will show him you are not treating him as a child but has an adult, we has adults all know we have to make choices that we sometimes dont agree with but it is for the best.

good luck

When my husband and I separated I took our 3 eldest children to therapy..My sons were 20 and 18 and my daughter was 16..I asked them to please go to discuss whatever they wanted..I did not go in with them..My 18yr.old was very angry, and the T felt that therapy would help him with that..so I brought him for several sessions, but he would not talk there..really didnt share anything, so he discontinued therapy..my hope is that someday he will return..maybe you can encourage your son to go for a "couple" of sessions, and with the premise that it is for him to be able to discuss how the divorce is affecting him, or just talk about anything he wants..hoping and trusting that this will work out for you and your son...

[Rapunzel]

Leslie, there are ways to force a minor to go to therapy, but I wouldn't force them unless they are in serious trouble and it is necessary. People just don't respond well to being forced to do anything. The best thing to do is to offer help, be sensitive to what he is going through, and set an example. When kids see that something works for you, then they are more willing to give it a try, and you will learn ways to communicate with him better and improve your relationship. I think that focusing on yourself is the way to go, and then you can turn your attention to him. I can tell that you care about your son very much and want what is best for him.

[Parker10]

Hi Leslie. I am sorry that I do not know you yet, but what strikes me in your post is more than about your son "needing" therapy. What I am "hearing" is that you are seriously ill, your son is dealing not only with stuff other 17 yr olds deal with daily, but also with the divorce of his parents, and a Mother who is seriously ill. Would it be a possibility that he would be more open to the idea of seeing a therapist to discuss "your" needs - to discuss not only the 17 yr old stuff, but talking about dealing with a loss of an "intact" family, and a sick parent ? IMHO - he could be really confused about alot of issues right now, and therapy could certainly help him, but if presented to him in a way that YOU need to go, and would need or want his assistance might make him a bit more receptive. Going to a therapist at his age could be a bit intimidating to him, however, if he won't be the "center" of attention - at least to begin with, he might go, wanting to help you ! Perhaps after a session or two , as the talking starts, he would be comfortable enough to discuss what is going on with him. Just my humble opinion.

Good luck !

[wisewoman]

Hi Les, I agree with Parker, If you said to your son that you are having trouble dealing with your heart condition and the divorce and want to go see a therapist with him to learn how to deal with it the best it might be the best thing. Especially if he feels he is doing something for you, for your health and well-being. Good luck

[Peanuts]

I agree with Parker. Invite your son to come with you for YOU. It will feel safer for him. I would try that approach.

Good luck to you.

[(JD)]

Maybe you can agree... reminding him that ADULTS do that in life.... for him to go for a while anyway? Perhaps he really doesn't know how it can help.. maybe he only knows from TV shows or movies... or maybe he tried to talk with a teacher or counselor in the back and got rebuffed??? Just a thought.

[jennie]

drive him to the appointments and you sit in the car outside. you can make him go while he's 17 yrs old but can't make him talk. tell him that, too.

[(JD)]

good jen! yep. let the T get him to talk (that's what he gets paid for hehehe)