[Turquesa]

I made a list of goals 10 years ago, and I have accomplisshed most of them. HOwever, I am not happy. My goals where, learn to drive, buy a car, get a college degree, get married, adopt a child (but I couldn't because I got cancer, though now I am fine) , belong to a gym, have a paid off home, have some cosmetic surgery, work and through it help the community, travel, learn to swim, learn to play piano. Anyway, right now I am lazy, desorganized, my home is a mess, I am not that happy in my job, I am not going to the gym or taking care of myself, I procrastinate and isolate myself. When freinds call I don't return their calls. I don't have clarity about what is going on with me. I think a lot about my sister who died 2 years ago and left her son to me, he is an young adult but lives with us and is a brat, to say the least. I feel mad at her and guilty for feeling that way. Lately I have been thinking that it would've been better if I was never born, my parents didn't want me, they mistreated me. My life has been a series of sufferings, dissapointments, betrayals, insults, abuse, social embarrasement gallore, and the positives have cost me sweat and tears. I am tired.

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by Turquesa

I made a list of goals 10 years ago, and I have accomplisshed most of them. HOwever, I am not happy. My goals where, learn to drive, buy a car, get a college degree, get married, adopt a child (but I couldn't because I got cancer, though now I am fine) , belong to a gym, have a paid off home, have some cosmetic surgery, work and through it help the community, travel, learn to swim, learn to play piano. Anyway, right now I am lazy, desorganized, my home is a mess, I am not that happy in my job, I am not going to the gym or taking care of myself, I procrastinate and isolate myself. When freinds call I don't return their calls. I don't have clarity about what is going on with me. I think a lot about my sister who died 2 years ago and left her son to me, he is an young adult but lives with us and is a brat, to say the least. I feel mad at her and guilty for feeling that way. Lately I have been thinking that it would've been better if I was never born, my parents didn't want me, they mistreated me. My life has been a series of sufferings, dissapointments, betrayals, insults, abuse, social embarrasement gallore, and the positives have cost me sweat and tears. I am tired.

Iam sorry huggs I did not finsh my goals also and it sucks sorry you had to go through a lot .Iam happy for you that you are cancer free thats an blessing .Its sounds like an deep depression I would just start going to a doctor and let them know how you are feeling .You can still do your goals just take one day at a time.I sure hope you get better

Hello, Turquesa. Is professional help an option for you?

[keith4982]

You have filled your life with things that you thought were important but what you havent realized yet is that god made us all with a big hole in our hearts for him he wants to have a relationship with u only after you find him will u find that hole and feeling of discontentment gone also. he is the only one that can make you feel whole not things or people only god i will pray that u will find him and things get better for u

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, Turquesa. Is professional help an option for you?

Thank you for responding. Yes, I've been thinking about therapy because I don't see a way to get out of this state by myself.

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by keith4982

You have filled your life with things that you thought were important but what you havent realized yet is that god made us all with a big hole in our hearts for him he wants to have a relationship with u only after you find him will u find that hole and feeling of discontentment gone also. he is the only one that can make you feel whole not things or people only god i will pray that u will find him and things get better for u

thank you for your response. I liked it because it has given me some light. You are right, I filled my life with things that I thought were important and now that I have accomplished them they have not fill my emotional and spiritual needs, there is an emptyness. I thought those things were important and now I know they really aren't. When I got cancer, I had some very dark days. And I remember thinking that what I needed in my life was being close to Jesus/God like you say, and deepen my relationship with the people I love. I was born in a religion and I have neglected this aspect of my life, but it won't be hard to go back to it. Nevertheless, the people I love is another matter which I am not good at dealing with. I really feel that the people who say they love me, like family for example, can be pretty mean to me. If I tolerate them I end up resenting them, if I comfront them I end up feeling guilty. It's complicated. Anyway thank you for your wise advice.

[lavieenrose]

We are always changing, and the desires that were important at one stage, may be "outgrown" at a later point in time. Depression does cloud the mind, and makes problem-solving very difficult. Everything seems impossible at those times. Professional help is an excellent idea, perhaps also for your nephew, who sounds like he has his own issues, including grief. Please try to be compassionate toward yourself. Best wishes.

[MissMay1977]

I would encourage you to brainstorm and come up with a list of things and people you value. Structure your time around those people and things. It appears you have the upward escalator effect, where no matter what goal you achieve it is never enough Good luck.