Is here ok?

Personally, I think that Autumn is truly blessed to have a grandmother like you..you apologized to her and that means so very much..a true strength of character..it is so sad that her mother doesn't appreciate that..hoping and praying that this, and your med situation will work out...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Susan}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Much needed and appreciated.

Thank you, "CK" I've threatened before to give everyone here they're email address so the regard shown for me here could be shared with them. LOL

Truly do appreciate your thoughts.

Tommi, you are a good grandmother. Please don't get sucked in. I wish you wern;t so young, I would give you mine to grandparent. You didn't deserve what has been happening. I am sorry for the fa,ilie's messed up ness but it is the way it is. You are a strong pup I can tell.

For my baby will you tell her how brave and compassionate You are? can you tell her what an amazing kourney it is. You are good people my dear friend. I would steal you in a heart beat to be a source of love and constancy with my adult children. I want you well. I want to personally see and know that you are well. Peace to you my dear soul. It can happen

{{{{{{{{{{{WW}}}}}}}}}}}}}} WHO'S young??? LOL Not I! It's been proven that I'm older than Methusela AND dirt! Well... I've been feeling like it lately, I guess. Age is relative, Hun. I'll grandparent your kids.

Wish I knew how to NOT get sucked into their games. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. If you've got any ideas... PLEASE! let me have 'em! Tomorrow is the last soccer game that I've been banned from and a grandson will be having a birthday party tomorrow, too. I've decided to NOT take a stand with Autumn because I need to stay home and make some food for the party. Yeah, this family TRUSTS me to make something good! They won't have "extras" as backups. I've got two dishes to make and was given free reign as to what to make. Makes me want to kick my youngest right square on his "sitter"! If they come to the party, maybe I won't let them eat any of my dishes! HUMPH! LOL Yeah... whatever!

"My baby"... who are you refering to, Hun? YOURS or mine? I'd sure love to tell her what an amazing journey she's got ahead of her! ANY "baby"! Thank you so much for describing me that way. It's balm to my wounded soul.

I DO have faith that I will be well again. "This too, shall pass." It's just the getting from here to there that is rough going. Nothing has ever been easy for me, so I'm no stranger to rocky paths. Gets old after while, though. And they say these are my "golden years." Wish I knew when I can start seeing some "gold."

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wise Woman}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} You are important to me. YOU take care of YOU, too, you hear?

>>If they come to the party, maybe I won't let them eat any of my dishes! HUMPH!

"What? You want to eat? I'm sorry, I was assuming you would be 'bringing your own' and didn't make enough for you!!!"

They are hungry? LET THEM EAT CAKE!!! (And don't go sticking your neck out for them anymore!)

(Oh I'm just full of the Marie Antoinette jokes tonight )

You do it every time, Dave!! GAWD, I love you!!!

I'm gonna have to remember your remarks tomorrow! I'm pretty sure my youngest's wife won't make anything. POOR THING!!! She's a diabetic and PREGNANT!! That gives her license to stay in bed all day... like she does any other time! OH! And being pregnant for the third time ISN'T her fault you know! John should have gotten cut after the last one... at the age of 24!! What's wrong with this picture? He's a healthy buck, SHE has diabetes... and HE should get cut??? MM MM MM... Something doesn't match up quite right, here... OH! That's right! She's her daddy's "baby girl"!! She shouldn't have to do ANYTHING... EVER!! That also makes her exempt from contributing to a pot luck! ANY pot luck!

LMAO Let them eat CAKE! (snort!) hehehehehe (practicing making like a turtle...)

Just got word... John's family won't be at Cousin Lucas' birthday party because "Autumn doesn't want to be anywhere near Tomi."

This is beyond words or definition... completely UNREAL!

I am so angry about this.

Even aside from how Autumn is treating you (and where she got these ideas)...

How is it that you know this?? Someone obviously "leaked" the information to you, strictly for the purpose of hurting you. If this wasn't about manipulation and hurt, how about "We can't come to the party today because Autumn doesn't feel well")

By "spreading the news" it not only hurts you but also others at the party.

What about the kid that the party is for???? Anyone think about that? "Your cousin(?) Autumn can't come today because she isn't feeling well but she wishes you a happy birthday" vs. "Autumn won't be here on your birthday because a petty fight that doesn't involve you is more important to them then celebrating your birthday."

GGGGRRRRRRRR!!!!

This was my DIL, Autumn's mother speaking to my husband. Since my son is working today, and husband is going to LAST SOCCER GAME of the season, he thought he would offer to bring back the kids with him so they could attend the true festivities for THEIR cousin. Lucas is one of my grandsons. I have NO DOUBT that Christina (DIL) told Lucas' parents EXACTLY why they wouldn't be there! That is her MO. You're right! She's not thinking of anyone except herself, HER control over the rest of us, etc. Husband is beginning to see that it's NOT me or anyone else "coming between" John and himself, Except Christina!!

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"Autumn won't be here on your birthday because a petty fight that doesn't involve you is more important to them then celebrating your birthday."

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You are EXACTLY right!!!

Anyone know people in the Mafia???? Just kidding... There are plenty of reasons that I could, maybe even SHOULD call Child Protective Services... That would only make matters worse, though. And I SURE don't want the kids being placed in a foster home, which would be the ONLY logical outcome!

I hope he can appreciate that more and more... DIL may be able to justify things and he believes her (Like "it is not my fault, it is that Autumn doesn't want to go) and if you don't delve into that it might appear to be objective reasoning... but the fact that it is DIL that is keeping alive all of the bad feelings for as long as possible, that is where the mask comes off.

Even if DIL wants to claim complete innocence in this incident... there is the concept in law of "mitigating damages"... if you have a plumber over and he leaves the main on while a pipe is leaking on Friday, and you see it on Friday, you can't leave the water on all weekend and then sue him for all the water damage on Monday. Judge will throw the case out. It is your job to mitigate damages by turning the water off as soon as you notice it.

Even if DIL did nothing to instigate, it should be her responsibility as a member of the family to mitigate damages: hurt and bad feelings. She should be talking to Autumn to try to get past this and get an apology to you. Not only is she not doing that, but she is working hard to make sure that the hurt DOES last and that everyone knows it.

I hate to think of the life lessons she is teaching this child.

Dave, I thought of these very points early on. I told my son exactly what you said and it being HIS responsibility to "mitigate" the damage. He doesn't see it that way any more than Christina sees it that way.

I'd like to think that my son is completely blinded by something to continue to allow this. He's seen the damage that my daughter has caused the whole family because SHE (and admits it, BTW) has an issue with ME. My two grandsons from my daughter were never the issue. From the very beginning to this very day, my daughter, as much as she hates me, will tell you that her sons could easily be BETTER TAKEN CARE OF by me than by her!

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I hate to think of the life lessons she is teaching this child.

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You are EXACTLY RIGHT again!! And I have to sit on the sidelines and be manipulated because I've been banned from being anywhere near Autumn. MY GOD!!! AND THAT LITTLE GIRL AND I HAVE SUCH A STRONG BOND!!!

I don't understand any of this! All I can do is sit back helplessly and let that idiot, snotty nosed DIL hurt my ENTIRE family!!

I believe I was fighting to stay awake to finish that post. My baby is our collective child, children. In your case Autumn. Pass on the wisdom and share the love, try to get past the bitter. Today I either have a pre-migrane aura or my eyesight is getting way worse. Good luck.

WHAT???? Where did I put that last post???? Hmmm... anyway...

Jerry and I are making tentative plans to go to San Diego and/or Marineland of the Pacific for Thanksgiving. Maybe cutting communications and/or availability will help settle the dust. We'll see... No doubt they will try to "make up" before Christmas so the kids will get their gifts.

Tomi,
I just read this thread, and I'm sorry for all that you are dealing with in your family. I really don't know what else to say. Families can hurt each other so much more than strangers. I'm so sorry.

((((Tomi)))

Hang in there.

gg

Thanks, gg. I've decided to wrap this up in a box and put it on a high shelf for the time being.

They didn't show up for the other family birthday party yesterday. Like my one wonderful DIL said, they hurt Lucas' feelings because he knows they weren't there, but Lucas has enough people that love him and won't suffer for long from their absense but who they REALLY hurt was themselves and their children. There's nothing any of us can do about it nor can we change things, so... We all move on with our own lives.

Being with that family, seeing the creative genius that my oldest son is, being able to look back and see how the positive things from his childhood have affected him in such a good way was more than I could have hoped for. It's time I realize that I did the best I could with my kids when they were growing up and my best was actually quite good. Now that they are adults, it's up to THEM how they use their experiences. I'm not responsible for their actions NOW. All I can do is pray for them and keep the doors to my heart and home open so when and if they're ready to clear those cobwebs from their heads and hearts, Mom will still be here for them. But for the time being, while Jerry and I heal, we will be unavailable to them. We plan to go away for the Thanksgiving holidays. OUR life goes on...

Thank you for your response. Even though you don't have a solution, I know you care and it helps!

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SeptemberMorn said:
It's time I realize that I did the best I could with my kids when they were growing up and my best was actually quite good. Now that they are adults, it's up to THEM how they use their experiences. I'm not responsible for their actions NOW. All I can do is pray for them and keep the doors to my heart and home open so when and if they're ready to clear those cobwebs from their heads and hearts, Mom will still be here for them.

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This sounds very wise. Good attitude and boundaries there. I hope your Thanksgiving time away is restful and filled with warmth.

Take care,

gg

Thanks, GG. I was afraid I might be feeling a bit spiteful. Really good to get an affirmation on this! Thanks again!

no tomi.....not being spiteful at all.....sometimes we come to the end of our rope and we have no other recourse but to let go........you're doing the right thing....

Thanks, Julia. I don't FEEL spiteful. I'm hoping that I'm really doing what's best. It's for sure, I can't handle this anymore. John and his family aren't my whole world, as I found out Saturday. Well, hell! I knew it but I tend to forget when I get so into "my suffering." There definitaly is sweet with the bitter. Now, if I can just remember that the next time...

Hi Tommi, have a good trip and I hope things are feeling better.

Hey! I'm not going YET! LOL Will probably be gone just the week of Thanksgiving. Solvang, CA and vicinity are looking pretty good right now. There's two lakes with RV hook-ups where we can go camping, then there's Solvang itself to walk through and sample all kinds of food, antique shops, and more in town and horse, ostrich and llama ranches, berry ranches, outside of town and a Casino not too far away so there's more than enough things to keep us busy all week long.

Yes, things are feeling better, thanks!